What can I say? (long inlaw grrrr)

On Friday night DH and I are going to a concert, along with the Terrible Twosome (AKA SIL and BIL), a friend of mine and one of DH's cousins.

His cousin is 19 and was deprived of oxygen at birth, so she's slightly mentally disabled and developmentally delayed. Basically, she's a 12-year-old in a teenager's body. She also has ADHD and a sensory integration disorder. Put it this way: She's a handful. But lovely and fun, and she's family.

Anyway, weeks ago when we first got the tickets, BIL asked DH who the sixth ticket was for. DH said it was for the cousin, who wanted to go to the concert too. BIL then grumped that he didn't really want the cousin to come along, as we'd have to keep an eye on her the whole time. He also mentioned that SIL is grumpy that the cousin is coming, as she doesn't want to have to "babysit" her.

Today I ran into BIL and he again asked me who the sixth concert ticket was for. I responded that we'd already discussed this and he knew it was for the cousin. BIL then said, "Actually, I really hope she doesn't come." I was like, "What? Why?" and BIL said, "Put it this way -- I think she's going to get into trouble at the concert, because she won't just stay with us, she'll want to go off somewhere and we'll have to chase after her."

Basically I just left without saying anything other than, "Wouldn't worry, there will be five adults there to watch her, and I'm sure she'll be fine." But I fumed all the way home, and I've been seething all evening. Where does he get off? What makes me even more angry is that what he was saying out loud about not wanting the cousin to come along is how I feel about his wife (SIL) -- except I would NEVER actually articulate it!

What would you say if it's brought up AGAIN?

ummmm well to be perfectly honest i can understand where the BIL is coming from.

perhaps you should ditch the B and SIL at the concert if you really dont want to go with them.

I would prob just shrug and say whatever if he mentions the cousin coming again tho.   

I would tell him not to worry cause it isnt a job for him as there are at least two people (you and DH) who care enough about cousin to look out for her and you know he wouldnt want that job!!!

You have got to start giving it back to him....and to her!!! They get to you too much....but know where you are coming from.

If you dont mind her coming along and are prepared to look out for her knowing how she can be (and I have some friends with adult children the same) then it is up to you guys not the Inlaws!!!

Awkward! 

What if you said (next time) something like 'well we both want her to join us, and she'll have a blast'.  Would that shut him up? 

Thanks for the advice, ladies -- DH's cousin isn't *that* disabled -- you wouldn't actually pick up on it unless you spent some time with her, and she was in mainstream schooling, etc. She's not even that much of a handful unless she gets overexcited or ingests too much sugar (lol, just like my 16-month-old).

I think it's just sour grapes on my SIL and BIL's part -- DH took SIL and his cousin, along with another cousin, to see Evanescence a couple of months ago and according to DH, everything was just fine, but according to SIL, the cousin was "out of control." SIL likes to create drama, so I suspect she's been winding BIL up about the cousin coming along and making mountains out of molehills.

And gandt, I would TOTALLY ditch those two pains in the you-know-what at the concert if I could -- but we have seats together! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!