SAHDs

Today I've been pondering the differences between kids raised by SAHDs and those raised by SAHMs or nannies/daycares (which are mostly women).  More specifically I've been thinking about the way Michaela is and wondering if other kids of SAHDs are the same.

 

For eg.

• Michaela is really physical and rough and tumble.  I read somewhere that kids whose dads are heavily involved in their upbringings (whether they go out to work or stay at home) are more likely to have rough physical play.  I've always been physical and rough and tumble too but my dad did shift work so he was around alot plus I have 2 brothers close in age.
• When we first started TTing Michaela decided she could pee standing up
• Michaela's language has been slow to develop.  She got off to a really good start and then just stopped talking.  I don't think this is a bad thing as I do believe that every child develops in their own time and I'm aware that she has always been physically advanced for her age so she's probably been focussing on motor skills instead of language skills but there's also the fact that women talk a lot more than men and so children are exposed to more language (however Dh says that if I was a SAHM she probably wouldn't talk because she wouldn't have been able to get a word in). 
• Recently her language has come in leaps and bounds but I've noticed that often she puts on a really low voice when she pronunciates words (copying daddy again - it's really cute but she sounds a bit like Helen Clark).

 

If you are an SAHD or have an SAHD looking after your kids have you noticed any differences between your child (or children) and those being cared for by women?

 

ETA: In case someone reads too much into this post this is in no way a put down of SAHDs or kids raised by SAHDs.  My daughter is perfect just as she is IMHO and my DH is a fabulous daddy and Michaela and I are lucky that he is so wonderful and capable.  Our way works so well for us we'll be doing shared care of any future kids too.

Edited by MrsMojo

kakapo wrote: Cars and trucks are his favs, but neither of us are into them so we have no clue where that trait comes from .

ah that seems to be something that boys are just born with! no matter how hard i tried to not gender stereotype the boys they automatically gravitated to brmm brmm activities and cars and wheels and "boy stuff".

Yeah, I will be watching his development with interest Jo.  But I'll be hoping he DOES learn to stand when peeing .

ETA - replying to Bizzy: Yeah, it doesn't help that we live right next to a State Highway. Oh well, at least he'll never be bored .... he can always roll over to the french doors and watch the tourists cruising on by .

Edited by kakapo

Jo, I was raised by a SAHD and I found it the most unique and wonderful experience. My parents were forced into the situation as Dad fell off a bridge and has been unable to work full time since before I was born, so mum had no choice but to work (which she still hasn't overcome).

My experiences:
-Awesome being the only one with a Dad on school trips instead of mum (obviously this is changing these days though)
-Being the 'cool kid' cos my dad had soft-top 4WD's etc that all the boys loved (great for me in later years )
-Going on heaps of walks, bike rides etc with Dad (and yes I was very physical as a kid)
-Doing stuff mum would generally frown upon (McD's, burnouts in the cars etc)
-Learning how to drive at 9yo and bleeding brakes etc at the same age, my knowledge of cars has probably been a huge help and how to handle a car has seen my life saved twice in serious accidents.
-Being really close to my dad, which a lot of my friends weren't. (And I still am)

Downsides:
-Not having mum around. I saw her for 1/2 hour in the morning and about 1/2-1 hour at night and I had serious abandonment issues until I was about 17/18 and I realised how hard it was for HER (selfish child I was, just like most kids are - very egocentric).
-Struggling to bond with mum

I didn't notice any deficit in development, in fact both my sister and myself were early in everything especially language. My main issues were with my mother really which is why I freak out about leaving my kids and they will be 2 1/2 and 1 when I go back to full time employment (I'm trying to get over those fears but its hard).

This may not be related to having a SAHD, but I found I was given a bit too much responsibility at a young age. Maybe because Dad thought I was capable, maybe because I wanted to be Miss Independent, or maybe just because of our individual circumstances, but because of Dad's physical issues I was privvy to some uncomfortable situations as a child, such as having to be the caregiver or being relied on to help a lot. But yeah now that I think about it, its more to do with what our circumstances were, but also I think Dad's see kids as being able to handle a lot more than mums can (not that its always a bad thing).

If you have any more questions about what my life was like, feel free to ask. I feel so privileged to have had such a wonderful upbringing with my father, but at the same time I'm completely aware of the sacrifices in my relationship with my mother (and btw me and mum have the best relationship now but its taken a lot of work from both sides).

I work until 4pm and DP works nights so Caleb spends more time with his Dad than me. Caleb is definately very physical and loves rough play. DP hangs out with a few SAHD's and their kids (all boys) aren't that physical though. I guess the type of Dad makes a difference. These SAHD's are professionals rather than trademen and don't do public pools or let their kids go loose at beaches, parks or playgrounds.

On the other hand my brother has custody of his kids and they are both very physical, the girl more than the boy actually. He has remarried and the difference between SD's raised by single Mum and his kids raised by single Dad is huge! I see all the same things you discussed emz in them.

lilfatty wrote: I hope Issy doesnt end up talking like Helen!

 

She'll probably end up talking like a pirate

I had a SAHD too! My Mum was home with me and my siblings until I started school (I'm the oldest and she took mat leave after all us kids, 3 in 4 years!) and then when I was about 7 (I think) my Dad quit his shiftwork job and went back to night school. My brother had my Dad at home for most of his early childhood.

For me, Dad was really involved with school things and I loved how he would come to sports day and win the parents race coz he wasn't in a suit and tie and there for 20 mins from the office He coached our school soccer team and came on school trips too. Funnily enough though, it was my Mum that went on school camp with my sister and brother.

All 3 of us kids are really close to our Dad. My parents separated when I was 17 and my Mum moved out and "left us" with our Dad. I'm pretty sure if he hadn't been so involved with us day-to-day then it would have been the other way round. I'm only just repairing my relationship with my Mum now - unlike most girls I know, my Mum has never been my best buddy, though we do get along and we are VERY similar, and I'm not sure whether that's coz I was closer to my Dad growing up or because Mum moved out ... who would know?!

Hmmm ... interesting topic MrsMojo, I've never really sat back and thought about my Dad being the main caregiver as I was growing up, but now I'm really mulling it over

Lews wasn't a SAHD but he was a night shift Dad, so for Jake he spent the majority of the day with him. When Taine was born I wasn't working so for his first two years I was home, but then Lewis worked nights then too so has always spent lots of time with the kids. not sure how much of anj impact it has made on them, but I think it's fantastic. they have a really close relationship and Lewis tends to be more able to take them places by himself, whereas I am only starting to take them to the park by myself now.