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Katherine 
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 949
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 Topic: Expressing sympathy...
Posted: 27 March 2007 at 9:58am |
My lovely, lovely babysitter had some tragic news yesterday -- her brother drowned. He was 39 and they were very close. I sent her some flowers, but I'd really like to do something for her to express my sympathy and help her to feel supported. She always goes above and beyond to help other people out -- she was even telling me through her tears that it was okay to bring Em over for her to look after today -- and she takes care of everyone around her so well that I'm afraid she's not looking after herself.
If you've been in this situation, what helped you? My mom suggested I wait a week and then take her family dinner. I've asked her to let me know if there is anything she needs, and I'm keeping Em home with me so that she can have some space (not that she gets much, with two kids of her own). I don't know her very well, although we're very friendly, so I don't want to intrude...
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SMoody
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Joined: 09 January 2007
Location: New Zealand
Points: 1999
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 10:14am |
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I think the dinner idea is a really good one. I also never know what to say or do in situations like this.
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Roksana
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Manurewa, Auckland
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 10:22am |
I hate situations like these so I will not be a good person to ask for suggestions!!
My Husband (then Boyfriend) lost his 18 year old brother and then a year later his Dad, and both times I had no idea what to say to him or what to do. I was at his house every day (so were many others) so that he knew I was there for him, even tho he never came out of his room or speak to any one for weeks!!
Just let her know that you are here for her and the dinner is a good idea!!
Sorry for her loss. Thats awful!! 
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Jay_R
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Onehunga, Auckland
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 11:35am |
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Yes, I agree with Roksana - just be there for her. I think a week is maybe a bit soon to invite them out - let her come to you, but let her know everyday that you are there for her. What a good friend you are Katherine.
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Bombshell
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 11:52am |
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seeing your daughter may actually help her...maybe go over and stay but take something to eat etc and stay only an hour or so...she may want routine around her and your daughter may be in her thinking part of that?
Call her otherwise and make sure she is ok and that she knows you are there if she needs you - not a lot more you can do im afraid....if she needs help she will ask
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miss
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 12:37pm |
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And maybe offer to have her two kids if she needs to do stuff with the rest of the family or even have time out. She may not take you up on the offer as she may need the kids around to help her cope, but knowing it is a possibility would be very supportive.
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lizzle
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 1:04pm |
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When my grandfather died I went to a site www.littlememories.co.nz and they sell small trees that you can plant in memory of someone. They are really nicely packaged BUT in a small pine box which looked like a coffin a bit so a bit tacky. might be another idea though.
difficult to deal with this kinda situation but the dinner thing sounds like a good idea.
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MummyFreckle
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Joined: 08 February 2007
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 1:06pm |
Dinner in a weeks time may be a bit much for them all to cope with. Why not take dinner to them, a big pot of something that they can freeze and reheat.
I guess everyone deals with loss differently, and all that you can do is offer to be there for her if she needs you. Even just taking her kids to the park for an hour might give her a little break and the chance to make some phone calls or run some errands.
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thunderwolves
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 3:17pm |
Dinner sounds good, I remember when i lost my poppa, just the other year what made it worse was everyone avoiding talking about what had happened, like the elephant in the room thing,
just let her know you are there for her, but maybe say something to express sympathy, i always felt worse when people made such an effort to avoid talking about it when its pretty obvious thats all your thinking about anyways
just my opinion though
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busymum
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 3:21pm |
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Dinner is a really nice thing to do because when you feel so low like that you just function on a "must-needs" basis. You could call her and ask if you could come over and help out for 1/2 hour, make sure you don't overstay in case she wants space but it will give her an opportunity to talk if she wants that. Does she need help with hanging washing, doing dishes? My guess is that she'll be walking around in a lethargic fog for a week or more.
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.Mel
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Joined: 14 January 2007
Location: Orewa
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Posted: 27 March 2007 at 4:36pm |
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If she has kids of her own, maybe you could take them for a couple of hours so she can have some time out?? Dinner is a cool idea too.
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Expressing sympathy...
