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MissCassie View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 April 2008 at 3:03pm
Okay, so this is just going to be a huge b*tch about my problems, so feel free to ignore it.

Okay so i'm almost 20, and I'm about 2months pregnant wth my frst child. I live with my partner Chrisalso with Lesh "best" friend, my partners younger sister Teri, a french guy, a very hardout Christian and we hav my friends boyfriends mate living on the couch, Mel.

Now, these people all like to have a scapegoat. After Mel moved in its all transferred to me. All of them believe im not going to be a good mother, and they seem to have alot of problems with the changes I've made. I've never been hugely social, and had avery closed group of friends, due to working weekends. I'm constantly bursting into tears at the slightest thing (being pregnant and giving up smoking dosn't help) and I've already lost two very close friends due to other problems.

Now i'm excluded from everything, including dinner and things, and I'm having to deal with my partners sister thinking Im just doing it to get attention from her parents, who live overseas.

Now I know this all sounds very immature and childish, but I'm having to live with muttered comments and nasty looks. I don't even get a hello most of the time, and Mel has admitted they are b*tch*ng about me.

I've tried talking to them, but they prefer ignore me, and everytime I bring anything up they get defensive and claim its nothing. I know its only acouple of months untill I move into my own house, but the stress of money and keeping the relationship going coupled with all this is getting me way down.

Has anyone else has problems with becoming a young mother, especially from friends you thought we're close? How did you deal with it? And any ideas on what I should do?
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BellaBoo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BellaBoo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 3:36pm
Can you move out any earlier? You really dont want friends like that. Friends are supposed to be there to support you and it sounds like they are still at the "high school" stage of maturity. New friends can be made at antenatal and Plunket groups once you have bubs.

I am sure there are other Ohbaby mums to be in Chch that you could become friendly with.

Good luck and hugs to you!
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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 4:29pm
Big hugs, you sound like you need them!

I agree with Topsy, is there any way you could move out earlier? I was in a similar situation with a different take when I was preg with Maya (it was her Dad being the butthead) and I felt trapped coz I was living in his house, had no income aside from a measly student allowance and was terrified to be on my own. I ended up really desperate at 6am one morning calling a pregnancy support line (sorry, I have no idea which one it was, but I can do some research if you like) and they found a place for me in a safehouse for young, single mothers. It was absolutely terrifying at the time, and I only stayed about 8 weeks before going back to her Dad (and leaving him again a few months later but that's another story) but it was the time and space I needed to re-evaluate things and figure out what direction I wanted to take.
More big hugs, please know you're not alone, and feel free to PM me if there's anything I can suggest to help?
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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 4:31pm
what you need to do is ignore it all and be as happy and chirpy as you can be - and stop listening to mel, after all he only lives on the couch!

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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 4:45pm


It's hard when you're at a different life stage to the people that you live with.

I have just lost friends because I agreed to live with one to help her out but then asked her to move out after she did something that I thought was unsafe for my 2yo then she started acting really nasty. Not exactly the same as your situation but I do understand how difficult it is and can imagine what you're going through.

I agree with the others, is there anyway you can move out earlier? Even to somewhere temporary for a couple of months.
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MissCassie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MissCassie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 5:28pm

Knowing I have others that see my point of view helps alot. I'm moving into my parents rental house soon. Mum says she wan't to do it up abit and paint the room for bubs before I move in, but I think I'll talk to her about moving in ASAP.

Meanwhile, I went down to the library and spent the whole afternoon reading, so I'm feeling much better. I've talked to my partner about it, and I think I'll just ignore them from now on. It is sad losing friends, but theres not much point in trying to communicate with people who wont even try and see my point of view.

I lost my last friend in a similar situation, moving in with her without thinking about it fully. No more moving in with close friends for me

Thank for your help, all of you, I was honestly at the end of my teather thismorning
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Phat_Cat View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Phat_Cat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 5:40pm
 hope it can get all sorted soon. It sounds like talking to you mum maybe a good idea. No chance of moving in with her until the rental is ready?? Best of Luck
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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrsMojo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 5:43pm
Originally posted by MissCassie MissCassie wrote:


It is sad losing friends, but theres not much point in trying to communicate with people who wont even try and see my point of view.

I lost my last friend in a similar situation, moving in with her without thinking about it fully. No more moving in with close friends for me


I couldn't agree more!
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Roksana View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Roksana Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 5:56pm
I can tell you that if you are one of few friends who are having children specially at a youngish age, other find it that they cant relate to you and your situation. Some might even feel a bit jelous. you do tend to grow up a bit when becoming a mum....Dont pay any attention to them.

The stress is no good for you or the baby!!

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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2008 at 6:47pm
I'm glad you're feeling a bit happier this evening!
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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