Au Pair Nannies

Has she been in NZ long? How old it she?

Quick thought is she might be struggling with the culture shock and a bit homesick.

Is she supposed to work weekends? Spending time with other German friends may be comforting. I know when I have lived O/S I tended to gravitate to people from home as they understood how I was feeling. I am not sure why its a problem that she is out with these people on her time off....

I have been an au pair so know what its like from that perspective. It can be very isolating living with a family that isnt your own, especially when yours is on the other side of the world and you are on your OE.

I guess the question is what is it that you want from her that you dont think you are getting??? Once you know that then have a chat with her. She might be feeling the same way.

I hope it works out for you, it is hard sharing your home with someone

I can see what the others are saying about weekends being her time off, however if she comes home in a bit of a mess over the weekend then you and your kids have to see that and it can be quite hard as it is your house.

As Melnel said, maybe she is homesick. Maybe she is really too young for the responsibility of looking after kids?

As the others have said work out what you want/expect from her and sit down and discuss it. If you don't like her coming home drunk etc on the weekends then maybe you could ask her to stay at one of her friends instead rather than come home in a mess

Just incase anyone was following this, it has all turned to custard and the current Au Pair is no longer working for us, the kids just didnt get along Makayla was not feeding or sleeping properly during the week and my son was just not him self, so the agency said that we just should change au pairs instead of keep giving this one chances, so that is what we have done but in the mean time no au pair have got my partners mother down from auckland to care for the kids till we get a new one, we have no family where we live the closest is 2.5 hours away.

i saw this and thought of it from both sides - i worked as a nanny in usa and am now a mum!

I have to say until my "boss" got offended that i was going to a baseball game instead of going to a family dinner for passover i didnt get that i was really part of their family! they invited me very casually but then when i told them he sat down and told me how much i was truly part of their family - which meant so much to me and made me want to experience their life....my other nanny friend was not expected to go to dinner and she went to baseball - and was treated like a paid servant - i was lucky not to be so!

I guess im saying it is up to you to communicate as a nanny etc in a strange country will be misplaced. They dont know your expectations etc....

also weekends are hugely important to explore NZ etc - we went away a lot of weekends and went out clubbing every fri nite in a big kiwi nanny group to keep homefires burning! You immerse but you stay true to home i guess! Even going out on weekends a nanny will expereince NZ life.

you need ground rules of times to work and stuff. We did til 3pm each day but "boss" would say if kids unsettled for me to please stay around if possible for a while...so often I would take baby with me to my room to get ready or go outside and play with kids before my ride came...they knew i went out but they (the kids) knew i was coming home etc too

if we get pg again we are conisidering an au pair / nanny situation also....it can be valuable if it works and my american "babies" are now 13 and 16 yrs old and we still stay in touch!

I worked as a nanny from the age of 18-22 in both London (i'm english) and in Italy and I'm now a mum of 2.

I had 2 completely different experiences.
TBH I didn't really want to spend time with the families as I was with them and the kids all week, I just wanted my time off to do what I wanted.
In Italy the family was HORRIBLE, I looked after 4 kids under 5 on my own and I was only 18, she didnt like me going out and once locked me out of the house because I came home 'too' late. And i wasn't a party animal as a teen, lol!
I feel like I missed out on nearly 2 years of my life from working with that family. The way they treated the housekeepers too was just disgusting. I worked long hours and the kids were horrible when the mother was around. They didnt want me to leave encouraged me to get a boyfriend so I was less likely to leave (which I did and that was the reason I stayed 2 years). I was their longest nanny, all the others left as they were so horrible.

kids aged 18-20 enjoy going out with friends and being a teen, so I wouldn't worry about that unless it's effecting work, which it obviously was in your case.

The family in London were fanstatic, treated me
much better and I did enjoy being part of their family. I got every weekend off and I did party hard, lol! I'm still in contact with the kids who are 19 and 22 now *shock*

Edited by pomikiwi

thank you for your comments, this new au pair has been great, my kids have bonded with her instantly which is a relief as this was the reason the last au pair really didnt work. she was a lovely person but friends and family found her manner to be cold is the best way to describe it, she wrote us a letter after leaving and said that things wernt what she had wanted she had assumed other things and when it wanst she had trouble adjusting, what we wanted from a au pair was clearly identified in the introduction letters and programme, i think she must not have read it clearly and possibly not understood, but she never asked for it to be explained clearly either. but it is all worked out now and i wish her all the best, and i have the feeling we will be in touch with this current au pair for many years..