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jax 
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 Topic: A bit sad...
Posted: 25 November 2006 at 6:53pm |
We didn't even get to really "discuss" it because it was a lovely day, out in public, and I didn't want it to turn into a huge slanging match - BUT a couple of days ago Roland "mentions" that we are likely to be having just the one baby.
This has totally blown me away !! I whipped out the sunnies, so I could at least hide my eyes, as I just couldn't deal with looking at him.
I know I'm going to have to bring it up with him again, but it was such a shock - I thought we weren't totally anti, and it's not like I'm after a small age gap (just personally).
I don't think he intended it to be malicious or upsettng, but it was  His biggest worry is always money, and I think we'd manage - but it's just so hard to get him to see that, to see past some of the big events that will be coming up (re doing our bathroom, etc).
Anyway, this is more of a vent and whinge than anything else.... so I'll finish it up ! I'm about to get my feet soaked, a friend of mine who has come all the way from Melbourne so we could actually meet in person while I'm here in Oz, and then she's offered to paint my toenails.
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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Sarah Beth
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Posted: 25 November 2006 at 6:57pm |
Oh Jax, he could change his mind. My dad was set on only having me, but you have met my younger sister and it was not immaculate conception! Give him time and with a chat to him you may find he changes his mind, Men can be like that. I am sure also once you get more and more used to living off 1 income and Erin is a bit older he will start to cluck a bit and think about having another also.
Remember we are all here to vent to, and big hugs to you right now. 
Enjoy your night and pampering.
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jax
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Posted: 25 November 2006 at 7:02pm |
Thanks SB, I really hope you are right !! 
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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busymum
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Posted: 25 November 2006 at 7:19pm |
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I'd advise giving him a year or thereabouts as well. It is hard with the financial side of things, men seem to feel the responsibility of that far more acutely, I hope you do get your wish in good time.
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Two Blondinis
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Posted: 25 November 2006 at 10:31pm |
Well you know what my hubby is like Jax. He went from "I'm not going through that labour again" (do you girls like that? HE'S not going through that labour again  to "awww Caitlin's growing up so fast and I'm getting older" (he's 7.5 yrs older than me) so we're definitely going to try for another and yes money will be even tighter - but kiddies are SO worth it!
I'd really love another girl (after convincing myself for 9 months I was having a boy LOL).
Hope Roland comes around soon - guys have these "decision making days" sometimes, but you never know what he'll think in a years time (or next week if your DH is anything like mine  )
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mum2paris
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 12:25am |
Jax, i must say that Mike was like that - he always was adamant that we wouldn't have 2.. despite me advising him otherwise. Ayja was a surpsrise.. but yeah - i can see he didn't want any more surprise since being drastic enough to get the chop.
Bringit back up.. did he mention it to you of to someone else. He may be thinking this is the general consensus between you considering the slightly rough time you've had... it's up to you to set him straight and tell him that despite this.. another one isn't completely out of the question for you... he may just have said it cos he didn't want to go the other way and say that maybe another was on the cards on e day to have you say NO WAY!!. lol
communication is a good thing. 
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 9:25am |
Time Jax.. time
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 10:24am |
I hope he comes around for you chicka maybe you need to discuss it more in depth? I know Cory is a money freak and he wants to start TTC when Ella is one and wants a house im like  RIGHT! lol
Just see what happens and maybe discuss it when you get back?
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 10:57am |
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Jax, mine was like that and i'm pregnant with number 2. He is already worried about money and I haven't finished work and then when I do finish work I get maternity leave that won't finish till the end of April and then after that I may go back to work 2 days a week just doing 10 hours but it will make a difference. Give him time, it worked with mine.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Paws
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 11:40am |
I agree with the others, time and talking is going to be the best thing you guys can do. *big hugs* I'm sure he will come around, just communicate!
We will know what a huge shock to the system a baby is, I'm sure he'll come around!
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jax
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 3:06pm |
I doubt if he thought that not having another one at all was the 'general consensus' - if he did, I'll wop him a good hard one on the noggin !! (And yes, despite the rough times we have had.)
We will talk about it again, probably when we get back to NZ, although even just thinking about it a little as I type this reply makes me feel a bit teary inside *sigh*
I will be really heartbroken if he is adamant that there will never be #2...
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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BaAsKa
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 7:44pm |
Hi Jax,
My hubby was like that because Bay was a big suprise and we are so young so he said no more!!! but when Bay turned 1 HE started nagging me for more!!!!!! so we made a comprimise and we would try after Bay turned 2 but yeah he certainly changed his tune fast and hes not worried about the money because things always work out in the end and wev never been hard off!!
Now there is talk of maybe a third and a forth!!  (of course hes unsure of the forth!! but its obvious that he changes his mind!)
Im sure your hubby will look at Erin when she starts getting to be a big girl  (walking etc) and start getting clucky again!
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 26 November 2006 at 7:57pm |
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Jax - Further to what Amber has just said, apparently it is only when kids are around 2 that the Dads REALLY start to enjoy them. Perhaps it will take a bit longer before he realises the joys of parenting??
Edited to fix bad punctuation. *Slaps own wrist*
Edited by nikkiwhyte
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jax
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Posted: 27 November 2006 at 12:34am |
Awww... but my Grammar Nazi hat is getting dusty Nikki !
And yeah, I've started to see what you mean about the dads not getting clucky for a second child until somewhere around the 1-2yo mark... but I still find things a bit odd because I know he enjoys Erin and parenting already.
I guess it doesn't help that I'm basically still impatient when it comes to some things, hehehe... although a lot better than I used to be
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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jax
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Posted: 27 November 2006 at 12:37am |
ARGH. That should be Punctuation Nazi hat, not Grammar Nazi hat (or even Spelling Nazi) ! *headdesk*
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Jacquie - Mama to Erin, 13.07.06 - Chief Cat Chaser & Marmite Sammie Eater
Love many, trust few, harm none. ~Anon~
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my2angels
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Posted: 27 November 2006 at 1:19pm |
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One of my hubbys friends would not let his wife have another baby because they almost lost both her and the baby during labour and he didnt want to risk that again but after 2 years he changed his mind and they now have another baby. I think guys just dont really get the whole need to have a baby thing, they dont have the same hormones etc.. and Im sure Roland will come around..... Just make sure you talk to him about it at an appropriate time and dont just say nothing cos you will just get madder and more resentful if you dont talk about it. Good luck! (and hope the holiday is goign well)
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A bit sad...
