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MummyFreckle View Drop Down
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    Posted: 20 June 2008 at 11:44am

To cut a really long story short - my dad and I havent spoken for about 7 years (maybe once or twice in that time, but not really!). My brother still talks to him and has a fairly basic relationship with him, so I figure that he knows about Oli. He has never made any effort to contact me at all. Until recently it hasnt bothered me, but since Oli was born I have been thinking about whether I should get in touch with him or not. To be clear - he will NEVER be Olis grandad (except genetically), but figure he should have an opportunity to meet him if he wants to...? I dont know, am just confused. Basically - its probably going to be more hassle than its worth and open up a big can of worms, and it will only be me that is left with the angst and heartache.

Anyway - this morning I discover that he is on Facebook (with a limited profile). Now - do I add him as a friend and "open the door" so that he can get in touch with me....or do I just not bother.

I think I probably know the answer to my own question, but wonder if anyone has any advise or pearls of wisdom?

 
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MrsMojo View Drop Down
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Sorry, no pearls of wisdom from me but good luck with your decision. 

Remember Oli is the most important wee guy in your world and as long as your decision is based on what's best for him then you've made the right one. 

Also remember that what's best for our kids isn't always involvement from all biological family members.
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MissCandice View Drop Down
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Points: 3836 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MissCandice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 June 2008 at 12:13pm

I had the exact same proble.

I had been 9 years and ever since having Kylah i kept thinking about it. I ended up contacting him and now wish more than anything i didnt. He hurt me alot!

Not that it would happen to you but it was a hard decision.
~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~
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Kelpa View Drop Down
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Tricky question.....depends on what you would like out of it????? Relationship.....acknowledgment...??? You could I guess open the door???



My Mum disowned me when I moved down here with my new partner 6 years ago to be out of Auck and closer to my Grandparents (her parents who she has disowned too) .....she got a bee in her bonnet and had basically ignored me for coming up 6 years. They have my daughter Paige up to stay quite often and are taking her to Oz etc...as decided after I broke up with my ex husband they quite liked him then!

She sends clothes and presents down for Blake but thats about it. Has met him once when they picked up Paige to take her to Rotorua....



I agree totally that kids dont "need" involvement from the biological family...would be nice to get a wee break for us now and then as we dont really have any other family around and she is great with kids but I decided its her loss and if she has to carry on with the nonsense well she can miss out really.

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mummymegs View Drop Down
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Points: 697 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummymegs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 June 2008 at 12:56pm
My Dad also hurt me really badly a number of times. He never spoke to me for about 5 years after he did not get his way, as the shrink told me to change the pattern of allowing him to control me. As my folks are still together, I saw him once when I visited my mother. He blamed the whole thing on me and carried on as nothing had happened. Luckily, soon after that I moved to the UK (originally from SA) where I met my husband (originally from NZ). We moved here last year and part of that decision was to get away from my Dad. I do miss my family but could never go back to that.

Good luck with what ever you decide.
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NikkiB View Drop Down
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Points: 2354 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NikkiB Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 June 2008 at 6:44pm
Originally posted by MrsMojo MrsMojo wrote:

Remember Oli is the most important wee guy in your world and as long as your decision is based on what's best for him then you've made the right one. 


Also remember that what's best for our kids isn't always involvement from all biological family members.



I completely agree.

I have a very basic relationship with my father (have done for many years now). The way I look at it, my DS is surrounded by so much love, he isn't 'missing' out on my dad's love as he has never had it. Also, when my DS gets older, I'd prefer him to not be disappointed when Dad doesn't buy a birthday present/Christmas present etc or even see him.

All the best with your decision
A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys:
RB 3/10/2008
JB 29/12/2009
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caliandjack View Drop Down
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Points: 12487 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2008 at 10:47am
Maybe if you are able to loosly keep in touch so you know where he is etc, and then when Oli is older let him make contact if he wants to.

The only reason why I would bother to keep in touch with biological family that you don't like is for any future medical issues that may arise.

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Angel June 2012
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