Lewis is coming home!

So, got an email from Lweis and he is flying back to Aus on the 15th of April. And I will book him a flight from Aus to NZ. Problem is...I have mixed emotions about the whole homecoming.
On one hand I'm hapy as it takes the pressure off me a bit.
On the other hand I'm nervous about what is going to happen
When Lewis was here last, we were staying with mum - still am. Lewis and Mum get along, but they are very different and the house is very small. Mum is very set in her ways. She likes to come home to a clean house and to sit and relax. She got angry if we had people over when she got home. Lewis had his 30th birthday, and she was pissed off when she came home and ONE person was there.
Also, Mum is a neat freak. She likes everything to be clean and neat - a lot more than me and Lewis. So, when she comes home she wants the dishes to be doen, and the house to be relatively tiday (not too much, and she doens't mind stuff out for Jake). Lewis and I are much more relaxed about housework.
But because the place is Mum's, I run around and do lots of housework, but Lewis will sit and relax. If I ask him to do something - he will, but eventually, and often won't finish. I hate nagging him to do something though, as I'm not his mum.
So mum complains to me, and I feel like i'm stuck in the middle of it. I do feel Mum is unresonable at times, but once again, it IS her house and she does pay the bills. And I know Lewis is uncomfortable here too.
I worry though that the housework thing will continue to be a problem later.
When i found out I was pregnant with Jake, Lewis wanted us to have a termination. Don't get me wrong, when jake was born he adored him and is a good dad. Problem is, I still feel guilty for "making" him be a dad. So I guess thats why I don't like to make him do things around the house. Also, now it's worse. I know he would have loved to have stayed in Japan, but came back because of taine. I'm scared he may resent me.
But, in Japan he couldn't work full-time. Only I could. But here, he will have to get a full-time job. Problme is, he's not very qualified for anything, so really ,he'll be working a min. wage job for a while. Which I feel guilty about too, a she was on a great wage - in a job he enjoyed.
Also, I'm so used to looking after the kids myself and doing things my way, to think about someone elses opinions is going to be weird.

Ggrrrrrr, bloody mixed emotions!

Liz!

Maybe try and get your mum to look after the boys (or just Jake) for an hour or so, and the two of you go out to a cafe and just chat? Reconnect as a couple, and then maybe start to work out some of that guilt you are carrying... I think Lewis should know how you feel, and I'm fairly sure he's got things to say that you should hear too.

Remember Liz: we're here for you to talk to too!

woohoo for lewis coming home! it must be so hard on your relationship being so far apart most of the time
i'm sorry liz i have nothing to offer but
i agree with what the gals have said, take time out together and talk about it, you might be surprised

Sorry I dont have much to add either, but agree with the others - even tho talking about stuff like that is hard, its easier in the long run.

Robyn, I was going to say the same thing.

My partner asked me to terminate in the beginning too, and then we thought about adoption. Once we told everyone I was pregnant, all of that went out the window. We wouldn't be without Ella now!

Remember that he had a significant part in making both your babies too.. it wasn't just you! You didn't "make" him have the baby, you chose to keep the life inside you, there's nothing wrong with that.

Are you going to move out of your mums soon? Is sounds like she's pushing you to your limits a bit.. even if you move somewhere close to her? I could never have all the dishes done each day, and I only have one child!!

Thanks everyone. Luckily we are moving out of mums mid may and I can escape to my dads for a week or so, which is a lot more relaxed. I think part of the problem is that Lewis is very much like my father (not as in acting like my dad, but similar personalities as my father), which may be why having him and Mum in such a small space results in chaos.
Robyn - you were a bit bang on there I think. I feel bad abot saying that kinda thing. I feel like I'm the "grown up" in the relationship. But I dread turning out like my parents. My mum likes to save her money - and barely has any fun, while dad spends most of his wages, and has a good time. Not a good combo. Ooh, I should blame all this on a broken home. damn those broken homes!

I'm a bit behind here - I hope you are feeling a bit better about things now Liz. I think a lot of us have the same kind of anxieties around surprise pregnancies. I know Jono didn't really want anymore children, and given I'd been told babies were not an option for me after cancer I was ok with not having any. I think at first both of us would have considered a termination, and I think it's possibly a natural response to such a big thing when you were not expecting it. But I bet you anything Lewis loves his boys so much, and would not want them gone for anything. Always here to chat Liz

that's what we're here for Liz, i dunno if any of us can say that our hubbies are the perfect house-maid, lolol, far from it. (again respecting that for many, there is no hubby - you are all amazing by the way!)

I kinda felt the same with mike for along time too - especially since we never planned to have paris, and then hello we never planned Ayja either - i always feel funny about making him do things, i feel bad about taking time to go on placement and leave him to look after the kids.. i mean after all if i hadn't had Paris, then i'd have graduated by now, we'd have money, we'd have a deposit for a house, or have gotten married even. Then i realise also though that hey, who's to say all that WOULD have happened. Having kids made us grow as people and grow TOGETHER!! we weren't together when we found out i was preg 1st time, and we didn't get back together just because of that, but seriously, had i not been pregnant, WOULD we have even considered giving it another go?

take time and realise that it is not YOUR fault either time that you got preg (although sometimes you just think DAMN being so fertile!!! argh!), you weren't ready to adjust probably either, and stop feeling guilty. You are both parents, and just cos you are the mum, it does not mean that it is your role and obligation to do everything. when dads take the kids it's like "ohh they're so great, they help , they take the kids, how wonderful, blah blah" guess what, we do that every day, and it isn't often that we get praise for doing what we do - it's just expected. it should be the same for dads. yeah, praise him for helping, but make sure he acknowledges you and thanks you too. parenting is a team thing when there are two people.

Sorry for the rant.. hope you feel better, i am sure most of us feel like this right now, or have at some time.