ARGH vent,

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   Hey ladies, am just having a rant, am feeling like absolute bollocks today, with having had both girls sick in the last month, about 5 different workbooks, and nursy level completion thingies due (and having to been signed off 2 weeks ago.. still not quite there) I feel like i am ready to burst. I had been coping ok, but the last 2 weeks have worked afternoons, going to bed after midnight, and waking with Ayja every morning around 6. I am going insane.. still i feel for you mummies with bubbas waking all through the night - that was hard. 

I just all of a sudden feel today like i did when i had down days with PND.. I think it is all the lack of sleep - i know that was a huge factor in my PND.. I just came home today, mike picked me up from work, to go to the xmas parade.. and he had his mate with him, who is fine but spends every saturday and nearly every sunday at our house, so i had to squeeze between the two carseats in the backseat. 

Then we get to where the parade is after mike decided to change course about 20 times, each time turning and coming to another street that was backed up with traffic (stupid males, geez would have been quicker to stay in the first line of traffic.. anyway) we are walking from the car, and Miss paris wets her pants.. had asked mike if she went before they left and he said yes.. but still here she is, wetting her pants.. no usualy that would be ok, and i don't make a big thing, but this girl is driving me crazy too - has wet her pants consistently nearly 2 times a day for the last week or so, her calendar is looking extremely bare or stickers. I Try to stay calm but man, inside i feel like screaming, she did the same thing last night when we went to a barbeque.. i was with her the whole fricken time and each time i asked she said nope didn't need to go, then 2 seconds later, i go to take Ayja outside cos i was going to take paris to the loo by hook or by crook and get back inside to find paris not wanting to move from the couch.. wet pants again, she knew where the toilet was, she just didn't go, had already wet them 2 times at daycare yesterday.

I am just so tired, and so grumpy and i think i have the most major case of PMS (putting-up with mens....lol), we came home after the xmas parade to find that he had let the kids run riot while i was at work - the house had toys strewn from here to there and back. I then have to cook dinner, and try to clean up amidst him telling me to stop being so grumpy, (i hadn't said a thing i was just cleaning up). 

Then I have the dinner on, cooking away, and he gets changed, announces hes going to speedway now and off he goes.. no hugs, no nothing, just kisses the kids and walks out saying "bye grumpy" He's usually really good, but today as i said, it's all built up and This is my bad day.  We had a slight slip up the other night, and for a few days afterwards part of me was thinking YAYAYAY.. maybe i might get my #3 baby after all, but then today i just have been thinking oh dear god what have we done.. what if i'm preg.. i can't even handle life with 2 kids.

I know we all have days like today - but i can't really rant to mike about that cos he hasn't really been worried  - he's had the vasectomy.. but samples aren't clear. I don't know what i want, all i know is i am mega hormonal and tired and weepy and it sucks.

I think i am off to bed in a while - here's hoping i get a sleep in tomorrow before work again on monday morning. I am looking forward to next friday when i get 5 days off in a row, thank god for that. 

Sorry ladies for the long venty ranty drama queen post.

sleep deprivation sucks.