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Bumble 
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 Topic: HELP!! ~ Telling children about death
Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:15pm |
ok....
what a whirlwind of an evening...
DH's Nana passed away this evening.
(Peacefully, they believe it was an annuryism ~ So she would have stood up, then gone...)
Tomorrow we need to go to Nana's house to meet up with Gran and Grandad (DH's parents) we will be taking Ethan..
Ethan is going to go to kindy as usual tomorrow morning, then we will go around, after lunch...
How do I break it to him that his Nana is gone...??
I so don't want to break his little heart...
Just want to wrap him in cotton wool and protect him. I want him to be able to ask questions, if he needs, but how do you get it out, without bursting into tears yourself
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formerly known as "Bee"
Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy!
Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones!
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:43pm |
The only thing I can say is don't say she has gone to sleep.
I'm sure others will have better advice, I have never had to do this.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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busymum
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Posted: 19 September 2007 at 10:46pm |
Hmmm it all depends on your views on afterlife really. When I had to let my DD in on some similar news over the last year (x2), I told her that so-and-so's body had got too old and died, and that they had gone to heaven. I told her that it is a happy place for those people and we're happy that they are there, but at the same time we're sometimes a bit sad because we miss them. We'll see them again one day, just not for a long time.
That was our take on it. Of course she was 3, not 4 1/2  And we are Christians and believe in afterlife.
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SMoody
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 8:47am |
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I agree with busymom. It totally depends on what you belief in. Just try to keep it simple and rather say too few words than too many. And just answer the questions that he does have and tell him whenever he want to talk more about this that you will be there for him.
I am sure you will do just great with the answering part. Sorry to hear about you guys loss and we will be thinking of you guys during this time.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 8:51am |
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i think honesty is best, but in simpler terms he can understand. and yes your belief system will play a part in how you want to answer. myself i would prob go with basic info first then see what questins he has and answer them as best you can. I wouldnt worry about crying in front of him either. it will show him how you feel about it and let him know it is ok to be sad.
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emz
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 12:14pm |
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I think like others have said, the best thing is to let him know that it's OK to be sad about it, that everyone is, but to cherish the memories that you have (I know it's hard for a young one to do though).
Honesty really is the best policy - I'm so glad my parents never made up stories about death like other friends' parents did.
Oh, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Bumble
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 12:36pm |
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Thanks for all your help!
We have gotten a book from Kindy that we are going to read to him, and ask him how the boy would have felt in the story, and go from there.
I really appreciate all your help and kind thoughts.
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formerly known as "Bee"
Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy!
Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones!
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 1:24pm |
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Hugs to you all. Also, don't say she got sick and died...
When My Dad died, I think my brother was a bit too open about the whole death thing with my just turned 5 3 days before Dad died niece, and she really fixated on it to the point of obsession. (our Nan died about 6 months before Dad and he was a bit too open then with her as well) What I mean is he really went into information overload asbout the whole thing with her, and I think it was a bit too much for her to process.
I like what Busymum said about her body getting old etc and going to heaven etc
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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MelanieAndBree
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 1:46pm |
Thats so sad. Im sorry to hear that.
My dad had an annuerysm but he didnt die. He was the 4th person in his family to have one too
God i wouldnt know what to tell a child about death. Im not looking forward to having to tell Briahna about it and thats a loong way away lol.
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Melanie.
Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs
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emz
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Posted: 20 September 2007 at 3:29pm |
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Great idea about the book thing, there's heaps out there aimed at various age levels, especially the young ones. I think too much info is harmful too, I guess you just do it on a need-to-know basis and answer the questions that come up. Good luck!
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HELP!! ~ Telling children about death
