Identity Crisis! (rant, sorry in advance)

I love being a mummy, its the best thing in the world. But I have suddenly realised that I dont feel very good about myself, and I seem to have lost my self confidence somewhere along the way.

I am constantly worried about what I look like when I leave the house, and none of my nice clothes fit me anymore, so I buy clothes that hide me and make me look bigger (according to DH) as a coping mechanism. I have also realised that I dont actually have many friends in NZ, I have one close girldfriend but she is about to have baby #4 so really doesnt have much time to be a friend IYKWIM. I really want to make new friends, friends that I can catch up for coffee with or go to a movie with or go shopping with...just the girlie things, but I get really nervous about going to things like coffee groups and end up not really talking to anyone.  Am I just too old to make new friends?!?

I used to be such an outgoing, bubbly chick when I was younger, and I feel like I have lost that person somewhere along the way.

Sorry - rant over.

 

 

I feel like that and I haven't had babies yet.
I've found moving to a new town not easy to met people, and sometimes it feels like DF and I are the only 30 year olds in Manawatu without children.

Are you able to get along to any of the OHBaby coffee groups/meet ups.
I went to one and everyone is just as friendly IRL .

Do you have any hobbies or sports that you are interested in?

And did you so anything pre Oliver??

I played in a band before I had my boys andwent back to it both times and love having that time away doing what I love to do.

There is a lot of adjusting to do after a big life change *like having a baby* and the biggest thing to remember is that you are not alone, and there is heaps of **us** out there but you usually wouldn't know because we are the same - not talking, not getting out, not wanting to leave the house - I am going to try and be brave and go to the chch meet up on monday

Unfortunatly the only one that can help you at the moment is yourself - I'm sorry I don't mean to sound harsh - but you are the one who has to take the 1st step and you have done that by posting on here and starting to talk about what you are feeling.  My opionion your best start would be to meet up with some of the lovely ladies from here, I even managed to meet a few while on holiday up in Aucks and they were very friendly, and very happy to have a new person meet up with them.  Take one step at a time & dont be soo hard on yourself.  Also please remember to ask for help from those that are around you - even your friend, I'm sure if she could read your post she would be more than happy to give you some more time.  People **asume** that if you are confidant and happy before your babies then you are going to be able to cope which is not always the case

Keep us updated on how you are going and remember also there is "almost always" someone on here!!

so sorry for the long post, but I hope it is of some help

SimSam I sooooo hear you on this subject! I have had a week of tears, feeling like a hippo and just being generally down in the dumps. Of course I love being a Mum too and I love Lauren like nothing else, but I am really struggling with my change of life, I never get time to chat to my friends anymore, they are too scared to ring cause they think I might be sleeping or they might wake Lauren and I feel like I am all alone in this new life. Luckily I do have great support and I rang my Mum earlier this week and poured my heart out so she new where I was at mentally, just so I didn't completely loose the plot!

Us October Mum's should do more coffee meet ups, cause you are so not alone, I feel exactly the same way as you! Lets make a date!

I so know what you mean, so far it's happened with each baby. I'm naturally shy anyway so find it hard to put myself out there and go to the meet up's.
I have friends but not so close anymore and finding time is a mission. I'm lazy and don't really make a big effort which I know is what I need to do. If I call my friends they are always happy to talk, meet me or come over for coffee. I just find it hard to pick up the phone. I'm such an egg about things like that.
Well I think there may be another meet in New Lynn soon maybe we should both try this once to really make the effort and go. My usual excuse is my two older daughters but I'm sure they will only be a help as they can entertain Alyssa.

Hey SimSam,

You are sooo not alone - if you feel up to it I am in Auckland and have never meet another OB mum IRL - PM me!