Feeling uncomfortable about something

I know that it is every parents right to name their child what they wish, and that choosing a name is important. Not having children, perhaps I'm just being a bit silly, but here goes ...

My brother and his wife are having a baby, and they have found out that it's a daughter. They have told the family that the name they have chosen for a daughter is Amelia. It's a lovely name, but here's the thing...

My SIL had a daughter named Emily who died when she was about 8/9 months old. I remember her telling me that they named her Emily because my SIL's middle name is Amelia, and they wanted to name the baby after her. So they chose Emily which is a variation of Amelia.

I feel as though they are recycling a dead child's name for the new baby, and it just feels really ...bad. Unhealthy.

I wonder how my SIL's other daughters (both in their 20s) will feel about it? The new baby is a shock for them anyway.

This SIL is hte one that kept up with alcohol and coffee and whatever food she felt like etc and said that babies are tough, she would throw at it what she wanted to throw at it, and if it survived, it survived.

Oh dear.

There are just so many beautiful names out there, you know? Without anything bad associated with them.

OK, that's that. I just had to get it off my chest.

Perhaps just a few too many babies floating around me at the moment, I'm getting het up over nothing.

Hmm see I dont see it like that. Lots of names have variations but are still different. And from what I have gathered from my two friends that have lost babies, the thought of replacing the lost one is unthinkable so I doubt they would be trying to do that and maybe it gives them comfort that thier daughters have similar names, lots of people rhyme names or name thier children after lost loved ones. Its not something I would do personally but then also to me Emily and Amelia are quite different names because they have no meaning to me.

fairsk8 wrote: Leish wrote: I wouldn't want to know that I only have my name cos an older sibling died. Doesn't feel right to me so I guess you aren't the only one that feels that way Ginger Xanda's has my brothers name as a middle name. My brother passed away 5/6yrs ago at the age of 11, him and I were very close, so Xanda having his name for his middle name is special to me.

I must admit that I think that is quite nice (when done with respect of course). If Caitlin was a boy she would have been "Matthew Harry", my grandad, Harry, passed away in the January before I had her in July.

Our oldest has the same middle name as a man I greatly admired who has passed away. It was a way to honour him.

However when we lost our baby we made sure we picked a name that had'nt been used by other family, we also made sure it was a name that we would never use again as it was special to our wee Angel. So yeah I can see where you are comming from.

Ginger Wrote:

This SIL is hte one that kept up with alcohol and coffee and whatever food she felt like etc and said that babies are tough, she would throw at it what she wanted to throw at it, and if it survived, it survived.

WTF!!! What a way to think, that must make her a bit hard to put up with for you!

The funny thing is that I agree with you Ginger, it IS odd (and I have a friend that named her baby the same name as her stillborn son) and yet I kind of did it myself. I had a dream a few weeks after my miscarriage that baby was a girl named Te Anahera Pono, so that was the name we gave her (altho we didn't know the gender). Then when I asked Willie to pick Maori names for the gremlins he picked Anahera and Waimarie. I like the name Anahera, and I guess in a way it was like closure for the baby we lost giving Sienna the middle name Anahera because had that baby lived I would never have had my gremlins.

I suppose it is strange naming the baby something similar to one that had died. At least they aren't actually going thru life with vertually the same name.
I just found out a couple have named their new son Hamish, their 1 yr old is James. Hamish is the scottish verison of James, so their boys names mean the same. I find it a little stange.

It seems some people would. Using a relatives name for their middle name is a nice way of remembering them. My Brother and SIL have started a tradition of using the grandparents names as middle names and we will continue it.

Thats what I thought. I have to agree with you Ginger - Its one thing to name your child after happy memories, but why would you want to bring all that tragedy and heartache back into your life! Surely this child should get a chance to be itself and have its own happyness.