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Maya View Drop Down
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Joined: 16 September 2003
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    Posted: 10 March 2007 at 9:07pm
I'm kind of in a weird head space with the gremlins atm.

Their personalities are really starting to come out and they are soooo different.

Sienna seems to be really mischevious. She reminds me of a pixie She has this really cheeky, impish grin and she is happy no matter who she is with.

Merecedes on the other hand is really intense. She loves snuggling with me and being held and cuddled, but she doesn't smile as much and almost seems more 'needy' if that makes sense.

The thing is, I'm finding myself drawn to Mercedes. I don't know if it's coz I can identify more with her coz I have a similar personality, or coz Sienna seems happy and content to be left to her own devices, but whatever it is, it's giving me a huge guilt complex.

It's not like I love one more than the other, I just seem to spend more time holding and playing with Mercedes and I worry that it is at the expense of time holding and playing with Sienna. I overthink things to the point where I try to rationalise which nappy I change first, who has the first bath, who I get out of the cot first etc. (and taking turns doesn't work coz I can never remember which one went first last time).

I guess I know I'm just being crazy, but can anyone else relate?
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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busymum View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Points: 12236 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 March 2007 at 9:30pm
I get what you're saying Emma. It was explained to me with the "five love languages", a widely-recognised psychologist's theory of how we all "speak love" to each other: Gift giving/Words of Affirmation/Physical touch/Acts of Service/Quality time.

Briona is my cuddly one and I think she is really feeling a bit left out on the cuddles a bit lately because Krystiana is so often feeding, on my lap, etc. She's like her dad in that way and I think they have bonded easier than I have to Briona. Hannah likes to hang out, chat, be a part of what's going on... a lot like me really. So I bond easier to Hannah and DH sometimes struggles with how to relate to her.

But... we still love both (all) of them, but it is quite different. I click with Hannah more easily than Briona but it's too intense for me at times because we are so alike. And the way I show love naturally, ie hanging out/chatting, just would not cut it with Briona who wants full-on roughing and cuddling.

Kinda rambly, but I think you know what I'm saying? Don't worry too much about your girls. We know you love them, or you wouldn't have thought to post this. They may be "identical twins" but they're still two different people. And once this stage of full-on nurturing and mothering eases, it will be a lot easier too.
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Maya View Drop Down
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Points: 23297 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 March 2007 at 9:38pm
Maybe thats it - the whole idea that they are two different people? I struggle with that a bit - I remember being a bit shocked when I was telling the midwife that one seemed more settled than the other and she said "don't forget, they're two different babies". Before that it hadn't really occured to me. Even tho they were very different in utero (surprisingly enough Sienna was the quiet one then!) I still kinda thought of them as two halves of the same whole?

I hear what you're saying about the full-on nurturing stage too - I don't fret the same way about my relationship with Maya coz although it's changed since I had the gremlins, we already have that established mother-daughter bond thing and we're both aware of it and how it works.
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Guests View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 March 2007 at 10:16pm
Sorry you feel guilty chicka i dont know if it helps but it sounds like Sienna is really independant like Ella is i feel guilty sometimes coz i cant play with her like others do with their kids, coz she gets antsy and just likes to do things with herself most of the time.

Its just her personality and at the end of the day she knows who her mum is and knows u love her all the same even if you think that you spend more time with Mercedes Kids are really tough..Sienna has a humourous personality by the sounds of it, she will show you how u love her in another way than mercedes if that makes any sense?
But i can see how it must make you feel, confusing times!!



Edited by Jezsika
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SMoody View Drop Down
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Joined: 09 January 2007
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Points: 1999 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SMoody Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2007 at 2:43pm
Emma I have seen you in action with Mercedez and Maya. Okay granted not with Sienna yet (as she was fast asleep) but you are a great mommy. Just the fact that you are worried about this shows you are a great mother.

Maybe to help a bit try and find something that you can connect with each child a bit differently. something you either do or say just to that one child. I know easier said than done. But say take 5 minutes out of your day for each kid just to do that activity.

Might be a different sleeping rhyme you made up and say to each child at night. So they feel special in their own little way.

Might take a bit of the guilt away.

Okay who am I kidding here. We are all mothers and we all feel guilty for different stuff all the time. But hey we must at least try not to feel quilty right?


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