Personalities, sharing and twins

I've been watching the gremlins playing lately, and it seems I have a wee bully on my hands. Mercedes *always* wants what Sienna has, no matter what it is. In the supermarket yesterday I gave them a plastic spoon each to chew on. Mercedes took Sienna's as well. In the bath last night Mercedes had a blue boat and Sienna had a red one, Mercedes pinched the red one off Sienna so I gave Sienna the blue one instead and then Mercedes wanted the blue one. She pretty much just snatches.

It's quite funny to watch, and I think she knows what she's doing coz when I tell her "thats not nice Mercedes" she gives me this big cheesy grin.

It's got me to thinking to - if this is happening at 8 months, what are they going to be like as toddlers? And even worse - as teenagers?

I've read quite a few times that it's really, really important to treat twins, especially identical twins, as individuals, and not to 'impose' personalities on them (ie. say "oh she's the bossy one" or "she's the quiet one") and I've tried not to do that but from day one Mercedes has always been more dominant, even before they were born she moved more and was bigger, I'm amazed that Sienna beat her to the punch and came out first.

So do I intervene and take the toy back off Mercedes and give it to Sienna, or do I let them work it out on their own? If I intervene then that's not teaching Sienna to stand up for herself, but if I let them work it out on their own I'm teaching Mercedes to snatch and take whatever she wants. And I'm not so much thinking about them now at 8 months, as them when they get older and starting as I mean to continue now.

Ugh, angst!

I have no idea about what to do with twins, but I have got a similar problem with my boys who have 18mths between them.

Josiah wants everything Xavier has... recently he's tried to disguise the fact that he's stolen whatever by giving Xavier something else and telling us "Aye-yah toy". The thing I said the most to Kiya when she was learning how to play with Josiah was "It's only a good game if everyone is having fun" and I'm enforcing that again. So, for me, the practical reality is that if it is not "special" (and shouldn't have been where Xavier could reach it to begin with!) then if he got it first, it's Josiah's tough luck. I usually take it off Josiah, telling him Xavier had it first, and direct Josiah to another activity. However, as he's a little older than your girls I'm not sure you can do that yet!

Josiah is being a bully as well. He keeps pushing his brother over, often wrapping his arms around Xavier's neck or head and pulling him down. He also pulls his hair, and hits him around the head with toys (especially quattro - giant lego). For these things, Josiah gets growled, made to appologise, and put into timeout.

My biggest problem at the moment is actually when Josiah trys to be helpful! In fact, I just had to sort one of these occasions out... what happens is Josiah goes into our room, and puts toys into the cot for Xavier - who is fast asleep, and gets a huge fright when things start landing on his head! Not sure how to solve that one yet.

Emma - My stepsons, darling's - They are now 8 years old.  They have lived with us since they were 8 months old.  I have really notice most of the time, the older twin seems to be VERY bossssssssyyyyy.  But more recently, we are struggling with them, if one does something wrong the other comes telling, and vice versa.  They are so much fun normally, but with having a little one on board now, it gets a bit much.

They are boys - identical

I am sure that Sienna will be smart - just what emeldee said