IL’s living close/helping out

OK so I'm new to the IL's thing - both of mine (separated) are 4 hours in different directions from us. Well MIL is moving to Chch next weekend, not only that she found a rental literally less than a km from our house (not happy about that to start with). I have no idea how its all going to go, she's very opinionated (as am I lol) and we don't agree on anything really but she always seems to think I should change to her way of thinking, and she's also going to be taking the kids for 2days per week when I'm working (very nice of her) as we can't afford full time care.

Anyway, questions... feel free to answer what you can and leave the rest.

How often do you see your IL's if they live in the same suburb (eek) or city? In what capacity?

If you've had overbearing IL's (around too much etc), how have you handled that?

Does anyone have IL's that do some childcare for them? Pros/cons?

Also, my MIL is one that tends not to get the hint when its time to leave. I'm worried that on the days she has the kids either here or at her place, I'm going to be stuck with her for hours chatting away

Well I ran into issues with my own mum not my MIL.

My parents live 20 minutes away so we were seeing them all the time and we were all very involved (everything we got involved in ended up including my parents and occasionally vice versa).

I've taken a huge step back by simply not calling or dropping in anymore when things got too over-controlled with my mum. I'm lucky coz they barely ever bothered to call in here - we were mostly expected to be at their place so never had to 'get rid of them'. I do find that having other plans and almost being able to be really blunt (not something I'm super-comfortable with when I feel like I might be rude) and say hey gotta go or hey thanks for stopping in but I need to get on with my day really helped. My mum would call and talk nn-stop even if Jake needed me and I had to learn to be really firm which has actually worked out best inthe long-run coz when the control-issues escalated I'd kinda built up the guts to put my foot down.

Jake was staying at my parents place from Thursday morning til Friday night though he was at daycare for part of that time.
Pros I would say knowing 100% he wasn't going to be abused in any way, having flexibility with times and of course the relationship he built with mainly my dad (he has a thing with my mum where he won't get too close).
Cons I found my mum started talking over us regarding Jake, disagreeing over things we said he was and wasn't ok with, she'd step in and discipline him even when we were right there and were ok with what he was doing, and the worst was probably that the novelty wore off for mum quite quickly and I'd turn up and she'd be on the computer or the phone and not know where Jake was OR we'd have the standing arrangement to drop Jake off and she'd have made other plans and blamed me even though the arrangement was longstanding. She was pretty slack about organising food and getting him down for his naps on time too which meant we got a complete and utter terror back who was over-tired and therefore over-stimulated and wanted constant attention after being pretty much ignored by my mum. Even though whenever Dad was home he'd spend all his time with Jake, it was mum who was sposed to be caring for him.

HTH anyway sorry it wasn't the most positive feedback

How often do you see your IL's if they live in the same suburb (eek) or city? In what capacity?
Most days, when they are home (they travel on alternate weeks for work). They catch up. Also, they are helping us with the house, so we also see them every weekend, for both days.

If you've had overbearing IL's (around too much etc), how have you handled that?
Hrmm. DH and I have had major arguments about it, because to him it isn't overbearing, it's normal, wheras my family is the complete opposite. There have been occasions where I have just gone out instead, or prepared the girls to go out. Otherwise, DH has had to speak up. It's hard, because DH feels obligated at times.

Does anyone have IL's that do some childcare for them? Pros/cons?
Not on a regular basis, as yet, but if I need them to, they will. When I get a part-time job the childcare will be shared between MIL and my mum.

The biggest thing I have found with MIL is she just wants to cuddle them - which, as lovely as it is, can go on and on and on and on and I have to say quite a few times that they need to go to bed. Otherwise I am left with two overtired, grumpy little girls. You do have to be quite firm at times. In saying that, they do respect the routine I have in place (probably because they can see that it works). MIL is watching the girls for the first time tomorrow night, and I'm a little apprehensive about it, but I guess we'll see when we pick them up.

I'd be super concerned about the difference in values too Emz!! Hope you work something out hun!