spiraling downward

Awww don't be hard on yourself for those moments (or even if they're whole days!).  Lots of us have felt the same way early on.  The rewards don't really outweigh all the hard slog to start with, at least, that was my experience - it was all very draining.  I knew in my head that I loved Ella but didn't feel that adoration much in the first few weeks.  Lucky the babies don't have a clue what we're thinking in those moments, eh!  Ignorance is bliss.  My one experience of having a newborn was a bad one - and now I'm OK with the fact that I simply don't like having a newborn (or being pregnant but that's another topic!).  Thank God they grow out of it pretty quick, and we eventually recover from birth and one day even get more sleep.  And in no time, it's the best (and OK, the hardest! but still the best) job ever.  You're doing all the right things and it's only going to get better, Sarah Beth! 

It's no wonder! Good to feel the support though I bet. I'm also one of these who expects too much, it's tough to "un-expect" stuff of yourself.

Hi there,
so glad they have given you a diagnosis, its good to hear its more than just sleep deprivation i think! i think the 'getting over a traumatic birth' is massively underplayed, i had what was traumatic to me but nothing compared to yours and i had to replay it and replay it over and over again to move on. it also puts a massive stress on your emotions which are already strung out cos of sleep deprivation and just the whole 'oh my god i've got a baby' emotions. so, anyway, make sure you have as many appointments as you need, don't assume you should just feel better after one, if you don't say so. Am sure you are a fantastic mum, so hard when they say 'don't expect so much of yourself' as we spend nine months thinking about how we woudl do things so again its a massive shock if doesn't go right. you are undoubtedly doing a great job, and as everyone says it will get better. Good luck, thinking of you,
Sally

thanks for that sarah beth and thanks for the update. Its always good to know that it isnt all the smiley cuddly time we all imagine or hope it to be.