Divorced Parents

Okay girls, I need a little help here.
My parents have been separated for over 2 years now and have partners (mum 2 years, dad 1.5) Now, the problem I'm having is, i just got an email from Dad saying that him and his partner wont be coming to the wedding rehersal dinner.. Usually it's not such a problem (even tho my parents get on VERY well, same with partners) he says he will feel too uncomfortable.

So i've sent him an email back saying 'okay dad, dont come to rehersal dinner, but how are you going to feel when its the wedding day and you're sitting next to mum, standing with her for pictures, eating with her at the reception AND hanging out at my place thru the week while youre going to be down here visiting Thomas and Mum lives with me?'
The thing is, I've had so many declined invitations from people who had already said they were coming bla bla bla, that i'm quite annoyed with everything now and i'm in the mindset that if he's gonna feel uncomfortable around my mum - TOO BAD. My wedding, get over it. Stupid old bastard. My mum is brilliant, she was quite looking forward to seeing dad and seeing how he was getting on etc.
I dunno... I have a feeling this whole thing is gonna turn to custard.

EDIT: So WTF do I do?? Tell him to sort his sh*t out and do it for me? Let him get away with not participating? arhhG!

Edited by MissAngel

My parents have been divorced for ages and don't get along or communicate at all. On the rare occasions when their paths do cross, like weddings they are civil and stay out of each other's way as much as possible.
We expect that of them for our sakes and I don't think it is too much effort to make for your child's special day.
I think your dad is being selfish. I hope that he can suck it up and be there for you chick

Argh this is one of the main reasons I don't plan on getting married.

I think your email to your Dad sounds good. Maybe it is worth taking it one step further and spelling it out that you would like it if he and your mother could put their feelings aside for your sake. This depends on him actually "getting it" which if it was my Dad, he would not.

Is it possible that he is being influenced by his new partner? Maybe your could have a word to her too?

Could your mother talk to him, and maybe break the ice a bit before it is time for him to visit?

All the best! The last thing you need is this stress!

I think your email is good. Personally, I would have added a bit more of a "grow some freaking balls" flavour to it, but you're probably nicer than I am!!

Mine are still together, but DH's parents are divorced, and they were fine at our wedding. One thing tho, we ended up with 3 family tables instead of one. One for my parents (and their friends/ family), one for his mum (plus her partner and brothers and sisters) and one for his dad (plus partner, plus his side of the family). It worked out really well, everyone had their own "space" and wasn't forced to talk to each other (heaven forbid ).
Is there any chance you can have it so your parents aren't sitting together at the reception?

MissAngel wrote: EDIT: So WTF do I do?? Tell him to sort his sh*t out and do it for me? Let him get away with not participating? arhhG!

yup I'd say that! Personally though i think maybe you should ring him and talk to him rather than email or text. then he will know (although he should) how important it is to you.

My Dh parents are divorsed and it wasn't a nice divorse but on the day His parents were really good. Was very supprised with his dad (as hes quite selfish) that he did that. I was happy for my DH though cause it was important.

I had a similar situation....my parents divorced when I was 21, after many many years of a not good relationship. When they divorced things were pretty strained between me and my dad, and he wasnt overly supportive of anything that I did...for example when I rang him to tell him we were getting married he replied with "why?".....wtf....maybe because we love each other?!?!?! When it came to the actual wedding, I sent him an invite (with a +1 so he could bring his floozy of the moment if he wanted to...and I was fine with that)....I told the rest of my family to suck it up....but he never RSVPed. Instead...he rang me on my wedding day whilst I was getting dressed with some sob story about how he felt like everyone would gang up on him and give him a hard time if he came, and made a real drama out of how hard it would be for him. Anyways.....I havent really spoken to him since (over 7 years now!).

I dont know why grown ups cant be grown ups and just behave like adults for one day!

 

Miss Angel to you .. why is it that weddings bring out the worst in some people? Especially our families!

Your wedding isn't about your Mum or your Dad - it's about you and your new husband and the beginning of YOUR marriage.

Good on your for sending the email to your Dad (I know how hard it can be to bring this stuff up on the phone!) but try and be nice rather than angry (even if you're feeling angry) because otherwise he'll just get more defensive maybe. Maybe you could follow up with a phone call if you can and put the guilts on

I guess at the end of the day, if he can't see that it's about you and your DH - not him - then all you can say is "OK it's your loss, don't come" but that doesn't make you feel any better to say that to your Dad hey

My parents are divorced, my Mum left my Dad for someone else, but she is always the one that's a bit funny about seeing him. I told my parents right from the start they had better be nice and civil to each other (and their new partners) for our wedding and ended up putting all four of them on the same table as DHs parents and their best friends.

A couple of nights before the wedding we had a rehearsal dinner of sorts but just parents, step-parents and siblings. That was actually my Dad's idea and all the grown ups acted like grown ups and got on OK thank goodness!   I think my Mum's partner is a really good influence on my Mum in a way - he tells her to get over herself and be nice.

Like the others have said, on the day all you're going to be interested in is your DH. Enjoy it

my parents and DFs parents are still somewhat happily together, but i just wanted to say i hope he pulls his head in , you deserve to have the day of your dreams

,,,i wont have to worry about the seating arrangements, we are just having a buffet /drinkup type sit or stand where you want casual doo dally thing