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mummy_becks 
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 Topic: I don’t know what to do anymore...
Posted: 01 October 2008 at 11:26am |
...its a long story so please bear with me.
I moved up to Waiouru to be with Nigel, that is what we wanted and the army were really good and helped us. The boys do get to see Nigel more than when they did when we were living in Palmy. But I left my life in Palmy and I miss it so much. I miss my friends, band and my own house.
When we came back from Australia I lost my phone in Auckland (totally gutted too as I knew where and when I last had it). Then just as we were about to leave my car wouldn't start so I had to get roadside rescue to help. No problems after that.
I got down to Waiouru and went and saw Nigel, he was like a different person when I saw him. He came home and we made arrangments for Saturday (we were going to Palmy for the night for a friends 30th). I got down to Palmy and was so much happier there. At the party Nigel went strange and it ended in tears with me and me talking to my friends husband about it all. We went back to the inlaws and Josh was sick (we got back at 3.30am) and hadn't slept at all that night. I stayed up with him and then at 8am Nigel took him to the dr to find he has a chest and ear infection. Finally got stuff into him and he slept.
Get back to Waiouru and we talk somemore about him not wanting to be in the army and again I end up in tears. I want to go back to Palmy but it will take at least 6 weeks to get the tennants out of our house for us to go back in there.
Last night he is talking about what he has left to do with the officer training (and it was a happy tone too) and I was happy again he wants to finish it. No he doesn't he was just saying what is left  .
Josh is still sick and driving me nuts with the clingingness, Andrew won't listen to me at all, and Nigel won't talk to me.
I have had enough of money, and to make it worse I have just found out Nigel hasn't paid any bills in the past 2 months - not impressed.
So I want to go back home, I think it is best for my health and for the boys as well. But I want Nigel to finish the Army - it is only 7 weeks and then he is away from the bull$hit that is OCS. Totally confused now.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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floss
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 11:49am |
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Oh honey I don't really know what to say that will be any help to you but remember we are all here for you and I'm sure other will have some good ideas.
Take care hon and sending you huge hugs.
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My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06
Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07
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Red
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 12:00pm |
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Maybe you need to start the ball rolling if you want to go back to Palmy - you never know if your tenants find somewhere else sooner then you can move back in sooner .....
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kebakat
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 1:38pm |
 Red wrote:
Maybe you need to start the ball rolling if you want to go back to Palmy - you never know if your tenants find somewhere else sooner then you can move back in sooner ..... |
I think that's an excellent idea.
Nigel has been up and down about the whole army thing the whole time he's been in training hasn't he? Maybe he really needs to think if it's something he's really going to stick with and wants to do. Why does he want to be in the army? There is no point putting pressure on him to finish the training if hes still not going to be happy at the end of it.
If it's just the training part that he hates and likes what he might have at the end then he needs to see that it's only a few more weeks of crap.
And can he handle the army lifestyle? Not everyone can. I know that I couldn't be married to an army guy. I'm very good friends with one and have been for years so I know I couldn't deal with it.
Edited by kebakat
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caraMel
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 2:51pm |
 Becks! No advice but I really do feel for you.
You've had a hell of a year with health issues, single parenting, studying and moving. Things have got to get better xx
Edited by caraMel
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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emz
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 2:59pm |
Becks - I would kind of think if Nigel is still having issues with being in the army that he should get out now. It only gets worse and for him to already have negative issues about it seems to me that it's not worth it.
At the end of the day, what's better? I career in the army where neither of you are fine or a happy home life? I think you probably know the answer.
Having said ALL of that, DH goes through this about 4-5 times a year where he's leaving blah blah blah. It actually got so bad this year with him being away since basically March till now without extra benefits (we haven't been paid field pay for some reason) that he handed in his 717 (resignation form). I only just found this out the other day  as I'd heard from my friends partner (his mate) about it. Luckily he's pulled it but OMG to not even tell me was a huge issue. Anyway, the thing is, I would want him to get out if he hated it that much. We would have to sell our house etc but I would rather him be happy than have an asset.
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caliandjack
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 3:23pm |
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What emz said about being in the military, my DH has been in the airforce 12 years, and he still goes through this several times a year. Its not uncommon.
How does Nigel feel after being through the last 30 plus weeks with only 7 to go? He's done pretty well to get that far.
As someone who gave up all my friends and family in Auckland to move to the Manawatu I know where you are coming from I've been here over 5 years and still don't have a lot of close friends. It can be quite lonely not having family around, especially with sick kids.
If its going to take 6 weeks to evict your tenants, and Nigel 7 weeks to finish, maybe you can make it that at the end of that 7 weeks you both move back to Palmy.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 3:42pm |
i think that making a decision when you are stressed and coping with a sick child is not a good idea.
i think you should try and encourage nigel to finish what he started and come up with a plan for what you both want to do after that.
Summer is coming and with the change in termperature and more daylight hours you may start to feel better too. Winter blues are a real thing. Feeling better will help with your decisions too.
And lastly before you make a decision i think you need to make sure you have really given living in waiouru a real chance.
just my 2 cents worth anyway... 
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busymum
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 7:32pm |
fleury wrote:
If its going to take 6 weeks to evict your tenants, and Nigel 7 weeks to finish, maybe you can make it that at the end of that 7 weeks you both move back to Palmy. |
That's what I was going to say. Maybe just having a plan would make it easier on you.
As far as trying to talk it over with Nigel goes, men get so hard to talk to when they are stressed and trying to "solve problems" Do you have friends (a couple?) in Waiouru who could come around one night and just talk it over with all of you together? Would Nigel agree to that - or find it more stressful?
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 8:04pm |
Thanks all - Deb, Waiouru was only a temp thing so we were going to move once OSC had finished.
I had a talk with some people today and have come to think that he is just venting that he hates the training and his way of venting is saying what comes to mind first and that is usually I hate work, I want to leave. Today he asked me to do some really serious stuff for his graduation so asking me to do that must mean that he does want to stay.
Heres hoping that is it.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 10:03pm |
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Hugs to you, mate, that must suck, you must feel like you are in limbo land. Hope your wee man gets better soon.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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nictoddie
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Posted: 01 October 2008 at 10:04pm |
Hugs beck's hope it all sorts out for you 
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 02 October 2008 at 9:45am |
Well once he came home last night he said he had spoken with his GO and he wants him to stay and not do the in a few years what if. So I think from tht it means he will stay as he was told that once the bull$hit of OCS is over with he probably won't have to see many of them ever again.
Now I just need Josh to get better.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Kels
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Posted: 02 October 2008 at 10:14am |
Awww hun big hugs and what a rough time yourve had of it. I hope Josh is feeling better soon.
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Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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I don’t know what to do anymore...
