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mamanee 
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Location: Hamilton
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 Topic: Why weren’t we invited?!
Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:20pm |
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Deleting this. I shouldn't be stupid enough to post my feelings. People lurk on this forum!
Edited by neeandsam
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AzzaNZ
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:27pm |
I'd also be hurt.
Stop contacting her? She's making it clear that she doesnt value your friendship (and you have better things to do than be friends with someone like that).
As for your dad... 
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Mama2two
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:29pm |
Big Hugs Renee  .
I can't really comment too much but it sounds like you are taken advantage of by your step-sister when she wants something. As for your Dad, don't spend your time worrying about him. He is an adult and responsible for his own actions. Sounds like you are better off without him visiting!
Trust me it isn't worth it. Mine is slack as well - I think my Sam has seen my Dad maybe 6 times in her life and he only lives 20 minutes away!  It ended up not being worth the heartache and frustration to try and understand why he can visit my brother and his kids nearly every weekend who is three times as far away! 
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Bobbie
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:43pm |
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Aww Renee you don't deserve this. I would try to keep both emotionally and physically distant from her as it doesn't sound like the good times are outweighing the bad and it's not fair on you to keep getting hurt.
As for your dad - that's a horrid way for him to behave and I'm not suprised that you're hurt. I don't know what to suggest there though.
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caliandjack
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 12:44pm |
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Does sound like your step sister is a bit of a fair weathered friend and only spends time with you when it suits her.
Do you live near your family?
My Dad sees far more of his wifes children than he does his own. He's only been married for 6 months and personally I don't give a toss if I have a relationship with his wifes children or not.
I'm polite when I see them but meh can't choose your relatives, not even step ones.
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Emmi_
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 3:25pm |
 mrsg1 wrote:
I'm polite when I see them but meh can't choose your relatives, not even step ones.
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I agree.. My dad is the same, he lives in Whangarei, my sister and I live in wellington (have for the last 8 years, im 23, shes nearly 21) and he has NEVER come down just to visit us, the only time hes been here was when he was on his way down to the south island to visit my other siblings. Even then he arrives at 1am and leaves at 5am...
My other siblings have stolen a heap of money from him (20,000 plus, and each! (I have 3 brothers and another sister) and me and my little sister have never done anything even remotely like that.
Ive given up caring, if he wants a relationship he has to create it, I cant do it for him anymore... He needs to make his own choices.
But it does suck, and it doesnt make it any easier or right. All you can do it to make sure you dont do the same thing when your his age!
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surfergirl
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 3:49pm |
Sorry to hear you're hurt Renee. I would be too in your situation.
If you do want to speak to your step sister or your Dad I'd advise going to get some couselling first to determine WHAT you want to say and HOW to say it (without getting to upset/angry/whatever) and also for some advice to help with the reaction of your family (being aware that sometimes saying things can make it worse). You should be eligible for the free sessions through the family court (as this is family related).
It is a sad state of affairs when sometimes you have to accept that contact with people who you care about (but who don't care about you in the same way) can be a harmful and hurtful experience.
I hope you find resolution and peace soon.
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JD
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 4:01pm |
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Sounds like you are really hurt at the moment.
In my experience (which is much different to yours so you can take my advise with a grain of salt), is that its no use feeling hurt and keeping it to yourself. Sometimes parents just dont realise that their actions are hurtful or that you have been effected by the decisions they have made. I would talk to both of them, or right them a letter if that is easier to tell them how you feel. Sometimes a letter or email is best because they cant interrupt and also, you can hold on to it for a couple of days and read over it a few times to check that it isn't a spare of the moment lash-out.
You have to give them a chance to explain their actions before you do anything drastic.
Also, I think that sometimes if you are a strong person, it can appear to others that you are not effected by their actions. I was a single mother for a long time and got used to doing things myself and not asking others for help... It has taKen a while for me to open up and say when I am hurt or need help because I was so used to having to be the strong one who kept my family together....
Good luck with whatever you decide to do
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Red
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 4:34pm |
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It is hard to understand what is going through peoples heads sometimes - maybe write your dad a letter and let him know how you are feeling?
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mamanee
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 4:47pm |
Thanks everyone!
I love ohbaby support, it's always so warm and helpful!
People keep telling me that it's a two way street and if I want to maintain a relationship with my dad then I should be contacting him too and I don't know, I just feel like he's the parent, he's the dad, he should make the effort too. He will come and visit or reply to texts or calls if I make the first move, but never initiates contact himself and I am so busy that I forget as well, and I know if I just left it I wouldn't hear from him for months or years.
I think I'm just going to leave my stepsister alone, and if she wants to contact me then that's cool, I will be there for her.
And yeah I can probably add this to the long list of reasons to go to counselling. 
But! Feeling good today anyway, had a sleep in and DP has finally got a job in Hamilton so we can move in together before this baby is born! PHEW!
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MamaT
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 6:23pm |
Oh hun that sux. I agree with what the others have said re: your step-sister.
Your Dad however, sounds a lot like what mine used to be like when he was with my step-mother. He was forever letting me down and would go months (e.g 6 months) with no contact what-so-ever. After yet another let-down from him I'd had enough and text him and told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, I didn't hear from him for another 6 months or so but eventually he came round one day and had a big heart to heart, apologised for his behaviour and now, 4 years later we have a great relationship.
So, my advice, tell him how his behaviour affects you (probably not via text though  )- it may not change the relationship, but at least you will have tried.
And yay, for DP getting a job and the two of you getting a place together.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 7:04pm |
neeandsam wrote:
I just feel like he's the parent, he's the dad, he should make the effort too. |
and now you are the parent too... 
i have the same thing with my dad, months could go by with nothing....and its so hard to make the effort sometimes with everything else to do. I do try and remember that men just arent good communicators anyway, especially the older ones.
for me the main reason i try and maintain contact with my dad is that i want my kids to know him, and i think he gets a kick out of them too. i didnt have that with my grand dad, and am quite bitter about it sometimes.
as to the step sister, i wouldnt make an effort, sounds like she is just in it when it is at her convenience and sometimes you just have to decide it isnt worth it. be civil by all means but i wouldnt count on her as a friend.
yay for your boyfriend getting a job in hamilton too.. well done.
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Bobbie
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 7:53pm |
Yay that's awesome news about your DP getting a job in the 'Tron
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lizzle
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Posted: 28 August 2009 at 7:59pm |
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hugs....nothing to say that hasn't been said, but didn't want to read without giving a cyber hug
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Blankney94
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Posted: 29 August 2009 at 12:51am |
Hey *hugs* - just wanted to say maybe don't "be there" for your step sister if she isn't going to do the same for you. Maybe even give her a bit of her own treatment back when she comes to you looking for / wanting something. That's the vindictive side of me speaking though! Haha. 
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Why weren’t we invited?!
