DP and discipline ....... Advice welcome

We are expecting our first in July this year, we are extremely excited DP probably more then I am haha.

DP is a very loving guy, and very generous and quite gentle nevermind hes a 6ft Samoan with a big personality.

I have been raised very european as mum was beaten as a kid she chose to marry someone who would never do that and we weren't. I am a strong believer in not raising a hand to a child, maybe a little pat on the bum if they are doing something wrong, or a tap on the hand if they are playing with something they shouldn't be.

I have heard him tell stories of the typical (I don't want to sound racist here as I really aren't) but island way of upbringing. Stories such as his dad sending him flying from one room to the other. Hoses being used on him, the kettle cord and all this horrible other stuff.

He has never raised a hand to me and don't think he would ever let himself. We both walk away from arguments before they get to the point of that and come back when we're calm enough to talk.

I'm concerned about how he may discipline our children. We see his bestfriend struggle with it and get angry at their 1 and 3yr olds he has been brought up the same way as DP. DP can get very angry and can have a short fuse I often here him mention things about giving people hidings or such.

We have talked about it before and he believes the way he was raised has made him respect his parents more. My brothers and I are smart a**es and often talk back to our parents but that doesn't mean we don't respect our parents. Our form of discipline from an early age was the naughty stool which worked and made you feel stupid while there.

Any suggestions about this or anyone with similar situations?



Edited by oOElleOo

hey there...
dont freak ou too much...i have two boys and am sitting here trying to think of how we disipline them and to be honest it has never been an issue and we have two respectful, polite open honest boys.
my views of sucess...
dont threaten unless you absolutely plan to go through with it-nothing worse than parents warning there kids all day long with no follow through, they will soon learn your word means nothing!
Save any major disipline for when it is life threatning nescesary- we smacked our oldest once hard on the arse (sounds horrible i know) when he ran out on the road! he never ever did it again and still remembers it to this day!! lesson learned (and involved his safety)
Consistency!! dont punish one day and let them get away with it the next.
If one of you is a bit soft (like me!!)thats all good. 'wait till your dad gets home' works a treat ( i know its a bit cliche) it gets results every time.
i have quite a gap in between my kids, and wouldnt have it any other way. it gave us good time with one before the next came along..eliminating all issues like jealousy, attention seeking, sibling rivalry etc..etc
lastly..Love=Respect - be good role models
Good luck

I'm with the others, don't worry about it now.
I was worried about how my DH talks to his nephews, he will call them all sorts of names like f***ing F*gg*t, the 'c' word and all sorts of things I would never say to a kid.
But now we have DD and he loves her to bits and I know he will never ever speak to her the way he does to his nephews.
I know it's not the same situaltion really but I do think there is no point worrying until you see your DP with your wee one, he may go all mushy like my big manly hubby did lol


ETA, we both agreed that if at any point the baby crying was getting us upset we would hand her over to the other one without judgement. Even if were just getting a tiny bit stressed, we don't have to be at breaking point.
She was a few weeks old when we were talking about how much we loved her etc when DH admitted he didn't like it when she cries, he gets really stressed. He was really embarassed to admit this, and very relieved to know it is so normal! Which is when we made the hand-over rule.

Edited by Chickoin

I agree with the others that you won't need to worry about this for a while yet but it is one of those issues that you both need to be on the same page for. I believe in providing a united front, that way the kids will know they can't play us off each other!
My mother was very strict with me and I grew up fearing her and I still don't have much trust in her. I never have and never will share anything important to me with her and I never want my children to feel that way about me. So for me the most important thing about discipline is that there is no humiliation of the child and that you don't do anything to cause them to fear you.
The best way to get repect is to provide a good role model to your children. If they see you treating them and others with respect then they will grow up learning that that is how we treat each other. Likewise if they see their parents treating them and others badly and with violence then this is how they will treat others and you.

Thanks for that guys. We have started talking about it. We started talking about raising kids and discipline well before I was pregnant, I guess some of the fear comes from seeing his bestfriend struggle. Similar situation to us except different island. And I know that there have been times that he has lost his temper at our godson.

I think that our godson acts up too much, hitting his little brother or sister when he doesn't get his way, and I can't help but wonder if that stems from actions he's seen in his family. But when talking to my mum she reminds me that he is only three and still a child and doesn;t know whats right from wrong quite often.

I've seen DP deal with the other two 1yr old godkids and he is fairly gentle with them, if they are pulling things they shouldn't be, or being naughty he grabs their hands and flicks them nothing major. I guess thats probably a good sign, but when theyr not your own kids its easy to be easier on them