Your Non negotiables....

Ok, so Paws thread about the facebook thing really got me thinking, the part especially where she said about the friend who can't be friends with her anymore cos His GF/Fiance is uncomfortable with it.

So what are your non negotiables? the things you will not budge on when it comes to "rules" in your relationship? Is one of your NN's opposite sex friends or ex bf/gf friends have to become ex friends?

Whats your stance on male/female friends?

I know one of Rods friends has the hots for him big time, and he has never hidden that from me. She backed off alot when I became pregnant with J, and we haven't seen her for ages now. While she is a lovely lovely lady, it reaaaaaallllly made me uncomfortable. I made it fairly clear I wouldn't be happy about any "alone" time together with them, while I know R would never do anything in a million years, I just never wanted there to be any room for questions/doubt from others and oppertunities for her...

R has lots of female friends and I do trust him completely, I do sometimes have to say to him "do you think thats wise?"... mainly cos we heard a great rumour, and the guy actuallyl had the balls to ask rod the next week, when he was seen at a female friends place one weekend while I was in Nelson... (he had Jake with him, lol and I knew about it, he was there helping her install a tv he had helped her buy...)

R tells me verything, he is an open book, so there aern't any issues there. My NN's would have to be lies and cheating. Won't stand for either.

Mine would just be that I believe our marriage relationship should be the closest (physically of course but also emotionally) than any other one of our friends and one of us. ie it would make me particularly comfortable to feel closer to my best friend than to my hubby - and I feel rather threatened if he seems to have that closeness going on with someone else - not just opp.sex.

I dont have a problem with DH having gal friends. 2 of his ex's were at our wedding. We both have close friends of the opposite sex.

We have always had a very open relationship, my philosophy is if you have to ask if its OK, it isnt! (of course there are exceptions to every rule).

Mazzy wrote: busymum wrote: Mine would just be that I believe our marriage relationship should be the closest (physically of course but also emotionally) than any other one of our friends and one of us. ie it would make me particularly comfortable to feel closer to my best friend than to my hubby I think this sums it up nicely for me. DH and I are best mates and that's really important. Our relationship should be stronger/closer than any of our friendships with other people, male or female. DH has a couple of good female friends from way back and I'm very comfortable with that, I think it's a testament to his great personality that he has such good friendships with other women.

Mazzy and Busymum I think you both summed it up nicely. That's pretty much what DH and I are like too.

DF doesn't really have any close female friends - and some of the not so close ones he does/did have I don't like on their own merits. The ones I do like usually ended up being mutual friends, so no problems there.

In fact I *was* his best female friend before we started dating, so that might have something to do with it.

I suppose some of the fact that I'm uncomfortable with some of mike's female friends (the ones I don't like) because they don't respect me at all (mostly the reason I don't like them) and I don't trust them, though I do trust him. And I have a few ex's who enjoy hitting on me (on msn) every now and then, and though I am still friends with them and let them know what I'm not comfortable with.. I just don't like the idea of the same happening to mike. He's not as blunt as I am!

DH has heaps of quite good female friends but the only one that ever bothered me was the one I knew had the hots for him (she didn't bother hiding it!!). I just made an effort to be nice to her and eventually DH saw her real personality and pretty much cut her off... i love it when taking the high road works!

We're best friends and trust each other implicitly, but i do think it's harder to find that trust if you've been cheated on in the past - it took me years to be able to trust someone again after my ex cheated...

No problems here...DH more likely to leave me for a new computer than a woman


I have close male friends (don't see tham now that we are here anyway) but DH never had any probs with hugs or kisses (hello ones of course I mean not snogging on the couch...) also I don't have probs with his female close freinds either...


My non negotiables are lying and cheating.

Edited by newmum

Me too

DH and i are best friends - high school sweet hearts.. i am telling you if you can get through high school and all the catty B&*thing then you are half way there LOL...

We trust each other and totally and tell each other everything..

DH is really good friends with one of my Best Mates dont have a problem with that... I call in to DH work on a friday for beers (really bloke thing to do) and they all love me there.. and he has no problems he says that is why i love you

DF is a little funny about the fact that I have stayed mates with a few of my ex's....there's no romantic feelings there but he is adamant that they just want to get into my pants They all know that I'm in a very serious relationship, and that's where it stands. I'm very clear about it.

On the other hand, DF is very flirtatious with most of his female friends and it really doesn't bother me - I know that he loves me and he comes home to me at night. I trust him implicitly. Plus, he usually has absolutely NO idea when a girl is hitting on him until I tell him later, it's adorable!!! He, on the other hand, has been cheated on before (well, a few times actually) which sometimes make it hard for him.

Neither of us would forgive cheating - we've both had it done to us before. And lying is pretty stupid - for us, communication is our single biggest thing, and if we have effective communication, there should be no need to lie, if that makes sense.