What would you do if this was you?

We own our own home and have a small mortgage on it. My parents helped us buy the house and they lent us some money to put into it. At the time there was no demand put on the $$ to pay it back at any stage but we have been paying a nominal sum each week towards the repayment of their loan as it feels right.

Recently we had decided we were going to TTC number 2. We were also presented with the opportunity to move in with MIL as she is looking to buy a very large house. Our initial thoughts were that this could be quite beneficial, we could rent out our place for pretty much the mortgage payments, move in with MIL and pay her a small amount of rent, split the bills etc etc. The house she is looking to buy is huge, kind of ruralish and would be fantastic to bring kids up in.

Yesterday I spoke to my Mum about it. I had mentioned to her that it was a possibility that we were considering and yesterday I went that step further to ask how she and Dad felt about it. She told me that they had talked and that if we moved in there, they would want their money out of our house. She said that they didn't help buy it to be a rental but rather to help us out. She did say that they would be fine with us having a settling in period to see if it all works out with MIL and I also told her that we would not even consider selling until our fixed term ended in June 2010 as the fees to repay would be a stupid amount.

Now I am very unsure about everything and also rather upset. The idea of moving in with MIL was that we got ahead even more, especially in this time of recession, were able to have another child and go down to one wage (I am the major breadwinner in our house by quite a large amount). I didn't actually envisage selling our house, and now I feel all confused because I don't feel we will ever get ahead if we do sell as I think we would find it hard to get another mortgage on only 1 wage. It was kind of my 'security' blanket, having the house there.

What would you do if it was you? Would you:

1. Suck it up, stay in the house you own and put off having number 2.
2. Move in with MIL and sell the house now
3. Move in with MIL and have the settling in period with number 2 then look to sell the house later
4. Move in with MIL, have the settling period, sell the house then try for number 2

Any other ideas anyone?

As a side note, it was never discussed when we borrowed the money from my parents that they would want their money out like this. And Mum even said that if we bought another house to live in that would have been fine, they wouldn't be asking for their $$ back then either. Hence me feeling rather confused and upset about it all.

I'm not a house owner so I would be inclined to do your number 1 option. I would LOVE to own a house right now.

What if down the line something happened that caused a rift between MIL and you guys and you wanted to get out of the house?

Is there an option of cutting back your repayments to the loan and still being able to afford to have baby #2 as well?

Do you think there's a small chance that your mum is jealous that you're moving in with MIL and that's what's upset her?

I had a call from Dad today who has said that they rediscussed it and that we can leave the $$ in the house if we rent it out. But if we did sell it and not buy another of our own, we would have to give the $$ back - which is EXACTLY what I thought anyway. There is no way I would pocket their cash and spend it if we didn't use it for the intended purpose of the loan.

While I feel better because we are actually on the same page, I am still very unsure about it all.

Part of the problem is that I still feel about 12 when it comes to my parents and the fact that they do have $$ invested with us, I kind of feel I have to do what they say.

Edited by CuriousG

Oh man, what a dilemna.  Thanks goodness that you're on the same page now but I understand why you're not still feeling uncomfortable.  I agree with what Babykatnz has said.

On a side note though if you move in with MIL soon and rent the house out straight away how long would it take you to pay your mum & dad back?  It might be worth putting an effort into getting rid of as much of the loan as possible while TTCing and once your pregnant but still at work.

 

I totally sypathise with you how tricky this can be as we own a house with a family member and it can easily turn to custard. We have a similar situation to you by the sounds of it where we have very little equity in the propert which makes it harder to buy your own one.

Maybe you could move in with MIL until you are back on your feet then move back into your house. As for your Mum, she does sound jealous that you will be with MIL. I would explain that even if you arent living there, you are still benefiting from owning the house. And like someone else says tell her it will delay having #2.

Probably best not to sell in this market if you can help it.

Well, last night MIL decided against buying the house she was looking at due to building inspections etc. Quite frankly I am totally relieved. When I got home I had made the decision that I wanted to stay in our house and just didn't know how to break that to DH. Luckily that decision was kind of made for me!!

I rang Mum and she really doesn't want to talk to me at the moment, she is quite shirty so Ill just leave her for the meantime and let her call me when she is ready. I did however text Dad to say that I was eternally grateful for their help and that is why I was being open and honest about the whole situation.

However, he did make a comment about my DH that really upset me so I told him as such. I married this man, I love him with all my heart. My parents seem to get on the band wagon that because he doesn't have a fantastic paying job that he isn't 'bright' but its simply not true. Nevermind. I am just ranting now!

I will never ever ever take a loan from family ever again. I am not liking the feeling of being under the thumb.

Thanks Tishy - nice to know I am not the only one but BOO at your parents too. I kind of feel that sometimes parents get upset when you don't follow the plan they had envisioned for you? *shrug*

Dad did apologise and said that if he really had a problem he would have tried to stop the wedding when in actual fact he did the very opposite. It was a very valid point.

I like that motto. I think Ill borrow it for a while

The amount is too much. While we have the majority share its still a large amount and I don't want to have to pay the bank so much.

We do have a legal agreement, all signed and in place so in reality they probably couldn't have got their $$ out when it came to the crunch. It was more the guilt thing that was being put on me.