Thoughts??

DP - or I should call him DF now - and I are planning our wedding for May this year. We are having it in Napier, only small about 40 people, but they have to travel. We are putting on drinks and nibbles after the ceremony and then thinking of getting everyone to stay at the same place and have a little "party" after, where we will put on food and some more drink.

What we are thinking of doing is asking people not to buy us gifts and to contribute $50 per couple or $25 per head to go towards us buying the booze for afterwards. Instead of saying BYO and then everyone having their own drink in the corner - if you know what i mean. What would you think if you got a wedding invite asking you to do this? Knowing that you had to get down to Napier and then also pay for somewhere to stay, the place we are looking at staying at is the camp ground so there are lots of different options and price range for people to choose from. We have both been married before hence the reason for a small wedding and no gifts.

Any thoughts or ideas would be great! TIA

I wouldn't stipulate an amount but I think it is becoming more common these days to ask for money in lieu of gifts. Most people would spend $50 -$100 or more on a gift. They would also be expected to travel and find accommodation. Since you have been married and have your home all set up then money would be far more practical.

I agree with NovemberMum - I'm not drinking while I'm breastfeeding, and even if I wasn't, I'd never drink $25 worth. If I was close to you, I'd probably go, but feel it was a bit off, if I wasn't too close to you I'd probably decline the invitation.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be at all taken aback by a request for money instead of a gift. I even suspect many people might give more than you were thinking of asking for, so you might have a bit left over for a treat for yourselves.

You know your guests, though... go with what you feel is right.

We going to have a money tree at our wedding. It will have envelopes on it and everyone can put money in one without other people knowing how much they put in.

I agree with Hopes and NovemberMum I wouldnt want to put money in for alcohol as i dont really drink but i would be happy to give a gift of money

yep i agree with QTmum - I think it's a bit crass TBH to ask for a specific sum, especially if you're already asking people to travel and telling them where they have to stay.   A wishing well or something similar is much more subtle and then people can just put in what they can afford.

We had to miss a wedding in Napier earlier this year cause just couldn't afford the petrol + accommodation + present.

Perhaps it could be a suggested amount then?

I would probably say "towards catering costs" so it is not just boozy-sounding.

We went to a family wedding a few years ago that was a fair distance from home (4 hours drive). They asked for everyone to pay a $25 per head contribution towards food, and they had a set bar tab on the bar. Everyone was aware that once their bar tab was reached, it was a cash bar. I think it worked great!
Congratulations btw!

It's so tricky and the thing with weddings is that someone is going to bitch about it no matter how you do it, so you won't please everyone.

I personally wouldn't mind, but i am a booze hag and would drink my $25 and all you other non drinking ladies too!

I think if people are travelling it may be harder to ask as this does incur costs, but in saying that they can choose whether to attend based on that knowledge. If you ask for $ instead of gifts instead, that is a more common way of doing this and tbh you'll get more than $50 per couple. One person at our wedding gave us $400!!

tbh if you are going to another venue could you just say that only the reception part is covered and people have to byo for the party. That would be fairer for the non-drinkers or those with particular tastes. I wouldn't bat an eye at that cos you have already catered for the reception as such and this is the piss up aftermatch. If you have some cash left over closer to the end then you can put some money into a mixed case of wine and a few dozen beers etc.

If you did a wishing well, could you just pay for the booze yourself and then take the cash from the wishing well to cover the booze cost??????? Did that make sense?
I guess you don't want people to think you are asking for a gift tho?

Unless the invite was from a really close friend and I had discussed it with her prior to getting the invite, i think id probably be a bit miffed at the 'contribute $25 per person for booze' bit.
But if it was asking for money in lieu of gifts, i would likely give $50-100 anyway.

Its not that the idea isnt good, its just that I wouldnt expect to be paying directly for food or alcohol at someones wedding - especially as I dont really drink.

From this discussion alone, it seems that some would be ok with it, others would be offended or a bit put out so translating that to your guests, I think it might be better to go down the 'cash instead of gifts' route, and use that to pay for alcohol rather than potentially offend family or friends.

Congratulations - hope your wedding day goes well

ETA - putting 'cash in lieu of gifts to go towards catering/wedding costs' as someone suggested would also be good. We asked for farmers vouchers for gifts and found those who got us them liked to know what the vouchers were spent on so that way, they will know how their 'gift' has been used.

Edited by KerryLea