Did you wait?

Did you start trying straight away or did you wait? What were you reasons either way?
If you started trying straight away and got pregnant straight away do you think you coped with it well or did the miscarrige hit you whilst pregnant? In hindsight do you think it would have been better to wait?

If you waited do you think in hindsight you would have been better off or the same trying straight away or did waiting help with anxiety during the next pregnancy?

I keep changing my mind between taking a break and trying straight away, so just curious as to what others did.

(don't feel like you need to answer this, I understand that its very personal)

cuppatea wrote: Did you start trying straight away or did you wait? What were you reasons either way? If you started trying straight away and got pregnant straight away do you think you coped with it well or did the miscarrige hit you whilst pregnant? In hindsight do you think it would have been better to wait? If you waited do you think in hindsight you would have been better off or the same trying straight away or did waiting help with anxiety during the next pregnancy? I keep changing my mind between taking a break and trying straight away, so just curious as to what others did. (don't feel like you need to answer this, I understand that its very personal)

as you know i found out at the 12 week scan and i think for me..that's what made it so bad..i thought i was safe and i wasnt and i had just got used to the idea of becoming a Mum:( we werent allowed to try for three months and in hindsight it was great..as those three months i thought i was ok and i wasnt and would just have been 'replacing' the lost baby. we had to wait as they thought i may have been having a molar pregnancy and that's really serious but it turned out i wasnt ..doc recommended waiting 3 months anyway.

waiting didnt help me i was still worried sick right up until the birth. one minute i was excited about being preg again and the next i was super worried:(!! but I'm naturally a big worrier.. even though i worried a lot during pregnancy the due date of the last baby made me upset and angry but after that it was better..(a little)

Did we wait? Ummm, I had my d and c on 2nd Jan and the gremlins were born in Oct so not too long, about 6 weeks or so

For me (and this is just my experience), getting pregnant again so soon was a bad, bad, bad idea. Bear in mind tho that I have been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of my m/c and subsequent events so my experience is a bit more extreme than normal.

Deciding to TTC again, I thought that the thing that upset me most about the m/c was that it would take forever to get pregnant again, I didn't stop to grieve, I was just obsessed with getting pregnant.

Once I did get pregnant, I became incredibly anxious, couldn't sleep, made myself insane with worry in between scan appts and 2 episodes of bleeding didn't help. I thought the anxiety would settle after 12 weeks, but it only got worse. I became obsessed with the idea that the gremlins were going to die, was so anxious I was bordering on losing the plot completely and even my midwife was worried about my mental health. I'm sure having twins with all the extra risks didn't help, I don't know if I would have had an easier time if I'd had a singleton.

The stress and anxiety of the pregnancy also affected my bonding with the gremlins, I felt nothing for them till they were at least 8 mths. It's been a long process, I got PND and it also flared up a heap of other issues that I had lying dormant but I'm working on those now with MMH and feeling much more positive about this pregnancy and baby.

As I said, my experience is on the extreme side, and I have friends who have fallen pregnant after m/c and not had too many problems at all, I think it all depends so much on your own personal circumstances, how you feel about your m/c, whether you tend towards anxiety generally (which I definitely do) and how much support you have around you.

Best of luck with your decision, and I can highly recommend Life After Baby Loss by Nicola Miller-Clendon as a great starting point for anyone considering TTC after loss, it's a NZ-based, down to earth look at life after baby loss written by a midwife who has experienced loss herself. I just wish I had read it before I got pregnant with the gremlins, when I read it later it made so much sense, and made me feel so normal about how I felt.

Thanks guys, have just ordered that book.

I feel a bit annoyed at my body, it just got rid of the baby and now is ovulating away (have bad ovulation pains so always know when its happening) like nothing happened wish it would show some consideration to my feelings.

I tried straight away after a mc in Jan and I never considered anything else. I was desparately hoping I would get pregnant again straight away. The thing was I didn't and that was really hard to deal with. But I think that for me it would have been just as emotionally painful not to try. I have noticed that for this cycle (the second after the mc) I am in quite a bit better state of mind, than I was last cycle and I can see how it would be helpful to wait.

Yeah the doc said it was fine to try straight away if we wanted to. Just don't know whether I want to or not, which I suppose answers my question really because if i'm not sure then I should wait.
Think at the moment I will at least wait until next cycle and in the meantime read the book that Emma recommended as they will hopefully help me deal with my emotions.
DH is easier he is ready anytime

This is a great question cuppatea, thanks for bringing it up!

I've been asking myself this very thing since my m/c a week ago. My mind wants to try but I'm not sure if my heart is quite into it yet.  I don't generally ov till a little later in my cycle anyway so have a bit of time to think about it. Dr told us to start asap...when we were ready that is. No need to wait. DP is keen whenever I am but the whole m/c thing has put me off to be honest and much as I love the dream of being pg and having a family, I do wonder if it's meant to be with us. I'm not overly clucky. More logical in that I am 34 (today!) and, thinking practically that sooner rather than later at this stage might be a good idea.

Aaargh what we go through!

Thanks for the birthday wishes

It was nice to go out for dinner with friends last night and have a couple of gins actually

I'm just gonna take it easy over the next coupla months I think. Just BD when we feel like it rather than actively ttc. If it happens then great and if it doesn't I still have heaps of time up my sleeve.

Good on you cuppatea for waiting a while until you're ready. TTC is such a rollercoaster ride, it's a good idea to be emotionally up for it as much as poss!