Considering IVF

Hi there,
I am new to this forum and was wondering if anyone else has had trouble deciding weather to go ahead with IVF or not. I have several problems which are stopping us from having a baby naturally so IVF is our last hope. I have had a myomectomy to remove fibroids which has left my uterus mis-shapen and enlarged. I also have PCOS with only one ovary functioning. I have been told that our chances for success using IVF are signifigantly reduced so I am torn on weather to put my DH and myself thru this process when we may very likely end up dissappointed.    Is there anyone else who has struggled with the decision to go ahead with treatment, or whos marriage has suffered as a results of the huge emotional toll it takes? Or even if you came thru an unsuccessful cycle of IVF but have a possitive outcome with the marriage dealing just fine. This would be our first and possibly only child, so I feel like I have to take the chance and go against everything I have always believed in.

Edited by Bert

Thanks for your reply. Yes, the thought of feeling regret if we don't try does play a big part in the decision making. I am finding that some days I am very negative about the whole prospect and other days I feel pretty positive about it. Are you going thru the same thing?

I fluctuate all the time (my poor DH!). We have to wait another month before we find out how likely it is that we'll conceive naturally, but it's not looking hopeful. I've learned to live with that, and have always viewed IVF as our likely back-up plan so I've had some time to get used to the idea. Sometimes I feel very positive and can totally see us holding our child, and other times I wonder if it's worth the risk. I know that if we weren't able to have a child then life would go on, but for us, now that we have come to the realisation that we really want a child of our own, there is no going back. If it never happens for us, then there will be something missing when we never felt that way before (neither of us wanted kids ever, and suddenly both changed our minds). I worry about the outcome both ways, about not having a child, and then what it would be like if we did i.e. how would we cope financially, what if our child had special needs etc? When I express those fears, my DH always quotes to me "we'll just go to Holland then". (link below)

I don't think there's any guarantees, and we always said that we would do whatever it took to have a child. Now that is becoming a reality, we're asking what does that actually mean? How much are we prepared to spend on IVF? How much of my health are we willing to risk? How long and how many times do we keep trying? At what point do we just say "enough", be happy that we've got each other?

Some days I feel that I'd do anything I could to have my own child, and that IVF is just a small price to pay for that. Other times negative thoughts and my fears get to me, but I'm lucky that my DH is with me through thick and thin and I know that if I were to put a stop to the whole thing, then he'd put aside his disappointment and support me. We're both open to going to counselling too if we feel that we're not dealing with this whole process but we're not at that stage yet.

Holland)

Thanks for your post, Itchy.....I am glad to hear that I am not the only person with a million questions going thru my head. I feel guilty that I am not one of the women that says straight of the bat " I will do whatever it takes to have a baby " . I tend to be a bit more logical in my thinking and try to look at the every angle before I commit to things. The decision really does affect so many different aspects of our lives. And it is so hard to know how you will feel down the track. Best of luck with your health and attempts! I will let you know what we decide to do.

Hi - I went through Fertility Associates and used the counsellors there. Don't know if FertPlus also offers counselling but I'd recommend using it if you can.

Infertility treatment is a difficult thing to go through, and I found it really helpful to talk to a complete stranger who is trained to help you work through all it.

M

Edited by Mazza70