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Brenna 
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 Topic: Not listening - Time out Q
Posted: 15 November 2008 at 8:59pm |
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Recently Brenna has become quite constant at not listening to us.
We've tried:
Telling her to stop
Warning her to stop or ______ wont happen (something fun we are about to do that she really wants)
Warning her to stop or time out
Ignoring her
What should I do??? I find the strategy of threatening to take away something fun we were about to do (e.g - she wont put her shoes on before going out so I say that we just wont go then ignore her and do other things and she then puts her shoes on) used to work every time but now it's not so effective. When I try time out (I put her in the hallway) she runs off crying for her cuddly and wont stay in the same spot. Then she cries like it's the end of the world and I feel really horrible.
What have people found to work well for stubborn toddlers?? Is there a good book anyone can recommend about behaviour strategies?
Sorry for waffling....she's been driving me nuts today!
Edited by Brenna
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Phat_Cat
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 16 November 2008 at 8:45am |
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First we count to 5 (as hes only 17 months) then we put tristen onto a time out chair if hes failed to comply within the 5 count - then we set the microwave timer for a minute and leave him there. I spent the first two days putting him back onto constantly it as he thought it was a game and would reset the timer - he got the message halfway through the 2nd day and now most times will sit on it but will cry and we ignore him. He too always wants his blankie or a toy but we put him on a big chair which is harder for him to get off but after time out is finished and weve explained why he was there etc, we let him have his blankie if he wants it - usually hes forgotten about it and will go off and play.
Its only natural to feel terrible about their crying (im sure half the neighbourhood could hear Mr T's screaming) but its their way of testing the boundries and it does get better (believe it or not) The thing is to stick with it...
Good luck
Edited by Phat_Cat
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Tristen - 24/06/07
Rylan - 11/12/08
Angel Babies -14/08/05 & 21/01/2010
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HippyMama
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Posted: 16 November 2008 at 8:59am |
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For us it depends on what's happening. If it's not a major then we'll "ask" her to stop, second time "tell" her to stop, then third time do the five count thing and then straight to time out if there still isn't compliance.
However for more severe stuff like hitting (though this happens rarely) it's straight to time out without a warning, and she sits there for 2 mins. DD went through a phase of trying to get up, and for a while what I had to do was sit there with her in my lap facing out, and hold her arms down etc. No talking, just waiting out the 2 mins. She soon got the idea!
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Mama to two earth walkers & two angels.
Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz
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Paws
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Posted: 16 November 2008 at 10:26am |
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We stick with the time out method with 3 warnings also. Miss M stays on the naughty chair now but in the beginning we did have to constantly put her back on the naughty spot and reset the timer. I think it only took 2 days tops for her cotton on also like Phat_Cat's little boy. You just have to be consistent in putting them back in time out otherwise they work out quickly that you don't mean what you say.
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Andie
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Posted: 17 November 2008 at 3:55pm |
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All's I can add is to be careful what you threaten to 'take away' for non-compliance. Ella's biggie is not getting in the car even for things she is really excited about going to. Or not leaving the car. Or not coming back inside once we're home. You get the picture. Well, the number of times I've kicked myself for saying "if you don't hop in the car you don't get to see X", then had to sit there becoming more and more late for wherever I was heading to! Gah!
...sometimes making a game of it has worked here - like she won't go to her room for bedtime, so I ask if she wants to crawl or jump into her room, and she'll choose one and make a big scene out of it, happily heading off to her room. Dunno if that's any help. But then you know it's a losing battle I'm fighting on that front here myself!
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Andie
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 18 November 2008 at 7:52am |
She's quite young to expect her to stay in the same spot. I'd say as long as all hallway doors are closed so she can't get into anything fun or into any trouble and you're on the otherside of one of those doors ignoring her then it will work ...eventually. The idea is to cut her off from all attention for 2 mins.
We count to 3 first too which nowadays is usually enough to get her to do what's been asked.
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Andie
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Posted: 18 November 2008 at 3:23pm |
 Brenna wrote:
Is there a good book anyone can recommend about behaviour strategies? |
Have you looked at Nigel Latta's "before your kids drive you crazy read this"? I loved it!!!
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Andie
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pomikiwi
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Posted: 18 November 2008 at 4:03pm |
oh yes I hear ya, hehe! DIdnt you know toddlers ears are painted on 
My DD will not listen at all, if she's not too stubborn (dont know where she gets this from) the count to 3 or ...... usually works. But I find the only thing that really works is going over to her and getting down to her level and make her listen.
My DD is 3 in March and I worry that one day when we're out and about she may run off and not stop when I ask her too. A friend suggested playing a stop game, where you run around and when mum/dad shouts stop everyone has to stop. Sounds like it could work and fun, but not sure if it will work in practice!
I've got Nigel Latta's book, it's great and a funny read too!
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DD-Carys Amelia 17.03.06
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busymum
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Posted: 23 November 2008 at 9:04pm |
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Not sure how old she is but Kryssi is approaching 2yrs and she gets things like: we need to put your shoes on. shall Mummy or Kryssi? If she doesn't say Kryssi, then Mummy does it - sometimes by force lol.
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Not listening - Time out Q
