Grrrr.

I didn't have a title. I didn't know what to pick.

Iv just been made to feel like crap because i study and work.
Is that fair? I don't neglect my daughter, she still has days with me, and i study and she spends time with her Nana and her dad.

Now i feel so guilty about not spending all my time with her that i am thinking of pulling out until she is at school.

I just wanting to make something of myself and give her a good future.

I know i never get to put her to bed, apart from weekends and fridays, but i make up for it during the week.

I spent Mondays with her, and Tuesday mornings, and Thursday mornings, as well as Saturday.

Sunday was the first weekend day I used to study and now its being rubbed in my face! That i don't spend time with my family. I am falling behind because i dont get time to study, either i have to spend time with Kylah or DP. If i study at night DP gets sh*tty that i am not spending time with him, but if i study on Sunday DP gets sh*tty im not spending time with Kylah!

I cant win!!

Sorry for the woe is me post!

I studied full time when my 13 year old was young and it takes alot of committement, organisation and support from those around you. I was a single mum back then and relied heavily on my family for support as without spending evenings and some time on weekends studying I never would have got my degree. I did have to sacirfice time with my DD to study and that is decision you have to make. For me it was important to have a career to support my child (esp as I was alone) and I don't regret it. I am now studying again part-time while DD2 is young and I do find it really hard to balance my time with the kids and DF and actually get enough study done without DF supporting me in my study it would be impossible. Maybe that is what needs to be addressed - maybe explain how important it is and that you need time to study and the benefits to you all in the end...

I agree with everything Bizzy said.

If it's not yourself or Kylah making you feel bad, then stuff 'em!

Think of the families with a SAHM Mum and a Dad that works 8-5 each day.. the Dad gets minimal time with his chikd, but that child doesn't suffer..
As long as she has someone to care for her during the day then you're absolutely doing the right thing by her.

I say good for you for being a Supermum

Jaz, he thinks hes doing everything and that is supporting me. Not emotionally.

I mean he works 7-4 each day, and sometimes half a day Saturdays which is more than what i do.

I mean if i really worked it our, i spend either the same or more amount of time with her.

I am starting to wonder if its the Aussie thing too. Im also starting to feel bad about that too. I mean i know i would be jealous to, but this is going a little to far.

I know that i might have been neglecting him a small amount, but with work, studying and Kylah getting up at night, its really hard. I am doing the best i can but i feel like its not good enough

kebakat wrote: What about sitting down with DF and coming up with a weekly timetable for all 3 of you that shows what time you get to study, what time you get to spend with him, what time you will spend with kylah and what time he works, you work etc. When I was studying Daniel was in bed at 7 as per normal, I studied until 9pm at night and then had chill out time with DH so a bit of everything. If you plan it out together would that help with getting him involved and then he knows whats going on when?

That is exactly what i am going to do tonight Stacey, its a perfect idea, well i think so anyway. I havent spoken to him yet, we had an argument this morning over it and both said some stupid things.

I think the schedule idea is great - that way he can't argue that you are spending 'family' time on study, but you can still fit it in.

If I can give you one piece of advice - don't give up. If you do, you'll never go back. That's what my mum told me when I found out I was pregnant with Maya, to hang in there and get the study over with coz once you've started something, you have the incentive to finish it, whereas if you give it up, it's much harder to find the motivation to pick it up again. If I can graduate as a single mum with a baby, then you can definitely do it!

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!
You are setting Kylah a great example and setting

Please please don't take this the wrong way, but I will tell you something that happened to me...and totally not saying or implying you are in a similar situation...

I went out with this guy for a ling time and I didn't realise it till it was a long time into it that he was emotionally and mentally abusive. He took away all my power and no mattter what anyone did or said, I just wouldn't leave him. I thought all I deserved was him. Anyway, I applyed for nursing, as I had always wanted to be a nurse and he kicked up a merry dance about it, that we would never be able to spend time together (I guess when I was at work, he knew wher i was and who with) and all sortsd of other stuff. When I didn't get in, he literally danced a jig and took me out to "celebrate". He later told me he was so happy that I didn't get in because he didn't want me to be smarter than him. Thats right, he was threatened by the idea that by getting a degree, there was "proof" that I was smarter than he. He was jealous also, that I was taking a risk that he wouldn't or couldn't (leaving a job to study) and was glad that it didn't come to fruition. Later on, after I finally got out for good (after leaving a million times, being won back by empty promises, lies and my low self estemm that he had crumbled away) I realised that as well as jealousy, it was a control thing. He didnt want me to go to tech cos he would have no control over who/what/where, and I would get back my self worth/esteem by learning.
I did end up going back to study, after I left him, I did a pre entry then started the degree, and I AM smarter than him.

long irrelevent story, but i guess the moral is don't let DP bully/guilt you into dropping out. It will be so much harder when Kylah is older and "needs" you more, as in school, sports homework etc. She will appreciate one day what you sacrificed to give her not only a great example of tenacity, but a stable home with a stable CAREER.

You can do it, Hun, with a bit of juggling, forethought and planning, you can do it. Put yourself first!
xx

Yeah how's it going???? I'm hoping to implement my routine this coming week...feel like I've finally got on top of the back log of work so can leave the evenings clear of school work!