Settling in at daycare

Hello, this is sort of similar to your recent post Peachy but slightly different and I don't want to thread jack!

I had Gabrielle at in-home care up until recently. For quite some time it was apparent she was getting bored and needed extra stimulation. She is a very bubbly, social, busy and outgoing little girl.

I decided to start her off at daycare and the first week she was there she was loving it - I barely got a kiss goodbye. I made sure I had time to spend with her there settling her in but she just wasn't interested.

From the second week, and we are now in week three, it has been different. I stay with her for 20mins to 30 mins a morning, playing, and talking with her and the other kids. She seems to really enjoy it while I am there but has a complete meltdown when I go to leave. I used to be able to say goodbye to her (she has always been clingy when I drop her anywhere) and she wouldn't like it so much but would still understand. Now it is a full on meltdown.

I ring the teachers as soon as I get to work and hear that she is absolutely fine. She has plenty of friends there already too = even though she is throwing a complete wobbly every morning they seem to like her. She isn't as interested in engaging with them as they are in her - is this something she will get used to? She is 3 next month and is in the preschool room. Should she have started with the toddlers??

My main question is, am I reading too much into this? I am worried that I have not found the right place for her... but maybe this is normal and it would be the same if I moved her. She always talks fondly about school to anyone who will ask... I guess I just wished she was more excited about going to school and it breaks my heart every day dropping her off.

DD did the same thing. The first week was all smiles, hardly any time for me. Then by week 3, she'd scream when I left - it totally sucked. I had a couple of friends who have kids there too (DD doesn't know them though), and I got them to watch after I left and they said she stopped pretty much the second I was out of sight so it was nice for me to hear it from them as well as from her carer.

I'd try not staying so long in the mornings? These days I just drop DD, unload her bags, have a quick chat to her carer and leave. I think it's better for DD just to view it as a place where she plays without me.

I just say bye bye, wave and walk away. It's horrible, but I find it better not to drag it out.

I think lots of kids go through that. Jake didn't at his first daycare but we moved him later on and he was fine at first then we had over a year of off and on crying when we left. Usually he only cried til I started walking away then stopped (before I'd left the room). But these days he will have a full on meltdown on the odd day, but most of the time hes fine. He was always happy after I left (sis-in-law worked there for a while) and also when I picked him up.

I would agree about not staying too long. We find if we sit briefly at an activity where other kids are, or with a teacher, then once he seems happy I leave. But we do probably spend more time than alot of parents. If he starts to get anxious, I find it doesn't help to stay longer and I'm better just to get a teacher to take him while I go.

Gabrielle's been going to daycare since she was 5 months old and we still go through periods of time where she's harder to leave. She can be fine about me leaving for weeks and weeks and then for no apparent reason she will get upset for a few days or a week or so.

I also try not to stay too long. I usually set her up with an activity (or try and get her involved with a teacher - like helping them set up something, or talking to them about something) and then I tell her I will be back in the afternoon after she's had her lunch and a nap then quickly exit. Someone told me small children have no concept of time so telling them you will be back in the afternoon is useless - I always try and explain what that means by explaining it will be after she's done such and such (like had lunch, or had a sleep). It seems to make her happier if she knows I am coming back at a specific time.