QuoteReplyTopic: Introducing Myself Posted: 10 November 2010 at 8:56pm
I just saw that I posted a message here on the 30th August about meeting up. I was wondering how long it had been that I have been a single mother. I thought I would re-introduce myself.
I separated from my husband a few months ago - we separated for a few months when I was pregnant. We have only been married for almost 2 years but the first time we separated we'd only been married for about 6 months.
The weird thing is, is that I haven't told a lot of people. I told my mum initially and that was it. And then another close family member. And then no one else for a really long time. Eventually I allowed those family members to tell other family members as it didn't look like we were going to get back together any time soon. And a lot of my closer friends all moved away out of Auckland etc. at the same time. So my newer friends I just haven't told.
I don't know why I can't bring myself to. I guess it's because I'm not sure I want to talk about it. I'm not sure I want to be one of the only mothers in my group who is single - or different. But it's also probably because I thought maybe with time we might get back together again. As time goes on and he shows no sign of changing or even WANTING to change, I think it's less likely. But I don't yet have the courage to tell people.
So I'm writing here because there's not a lot of people that understand that I can talk to. I don't know many (any?) single mothers and I would really like to have a jolly good b*tch and moan about my husband/ex!!!
I am going through all the usual (I would think) issues of separation - fighting over money still, and his being reliable (turning up or not turning up when he says he's going to) and I still throw him out of my house when he raises his voice and starts swearing at me - he does it in front of our son and doesn't listen when I ask him to stop.
Sometimes we get on well and I feel loving towards him and hope for the future. But usually he dashes those pretty quickly! So I am finding myself at times thinking that yes, it could really be over. And I feel a bit lonely and would like to have a nice man in my life who treated me a lot better than this - with respect for a start. But I'm not ready for dating as such.
Because I can't divorce my husband yet (have to wait 2 years) sometimes I just want to do SOMETHING that would represent my moving on from him. Whether dating another man or something. Because we have a son together, there's no real clean break or finality about it and sometimes I've just had enough and I want to move on but I can't, he's still in my life all the time, every day!
Would love to hear others' experiences and whether you can relate?
hi Nathans mummy
My situation is different to yours in a lot of ways but I do understand a lot of your emotions.
Thankfully I am not legally tied to my ex in any way so dont have that side of things hanging over my head.
I still feel very resentful towards my ex, mainly for the fact that having Alex has not changed his life one bit, whereas mine is totally turned upside down. I find it best that I dont have any contact with him as I get very angry and resentful when I do, but I think a lot of that is due to me being angry at myself for beng taken in by such a loser. and being blinded by my feelings. And that so many people think he is such a good guy... cant thay see what he is doing
For quite a while I kept imagining that he would get his act together and we might get back together, but now I see him for the ugly human being that he is and I have no "feelings" for him in that way. In fact the last time he saw Alex he asked if I would stay over and it really turned my stomach, so now I know that I am ready to move on. It has taken me a while to get to this stage though. We have now been seperated longer than we were together.
I am lucky I am totally self sufficient. I have my own property, business and earn enough to keep me and ALex in a fairly comfortable way. Any money my ex gives me (only once since Alex was born) I am putting away in an account and I will give it to Alex once he is old enough to understand.
I do wish I had more support from family, but they live 4 hours away.
I am embarrassed to admit I am a solo mum. It was hard being the only single mum at antenatal classes. It was hard having to rely on someone I had only known for a couple of months to be my birth partner because there was no one else to do the job.I do hate they way people look at me when they hear I am a single mum, as if it's all my fault. I have been accused of using my ex as a sperm donor, of getting pregnant to the first man stupid enough not to use protection (my own mother said that!). I hate it when they say he is better off with out his dad in his life if he is that much of a loser... true to a point but he could take some interest just so that Alex knows his dad cares about him. I believe that all kids need two parents even if thay are not together. I hate Alex's dad for not being man enough to say that he doesnt want anything to do with his child. Making empty promises to come and visit, to be there for support when he obviously has no intention of either.
So anyway Nathans mummy, vent away. we all need to at various times and here is as good a place as any!
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Introducing Myself
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