Jess, whether you have no children, one child, or ten children, and you are facing infertility of any kind, it doesn't matter a damn. Infertility hurts, it is terrible and tragic and an awful emotional roller coaster.
It is not wrong to wish that you were uber fertile, or to feel jealous of people who are ...you feel what you feel. Our reactions to things are perfectly natural. Why *wouldn't* you covet someone's ability to sneeze and become pregnant? You can't help that, and I am absolutely sure that no one would begrudge you it.
It's also not wrong to have regrets, such as why you didn't TTC when you had that positive OPK. You were going through something really hard, emotionally you were struggling and didn't think you could do it, and you did the very best thing for yourself, for your husband, and for Ella-Grace at the time ...had you been TTC, what you were going through might possibly have been even worse, come a negative HPT, if that had happened. Instead, by making the decision you made, you felt strong enough to come back fighting the next month and start TTC.
None of us can know how things will play out for each of us ...and it's the not knowing how long we will have to put ourselves through what we're going through that makes it really, really tough. If you knew that you'd be pregnant next month, or in 12 months, you'd do whatever you had to do, wouldn't you? And that's the bugger ...we have no idea.
We're right here for you Jess - for you to vent, cry and get as many cyber hugs as you can handle. Don't ever let yourself think that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling. You are perfectly entitled.
Damn infertility roller coaster.
Edited by ginger
And i remember...
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