Has baby made yrr r’ship worse or better?

I've been doing a lot of thinking (and worrying lol) lately about the upcoming birth of our baby and while I guess it's realtively normal to worry about how things will change, I thought I might just go straight to the horses mouth and ask you ladies how you really feel about this topic.  I'll be brutally honest about my situation in the hope it rings a bell with any of you.....

It seems that since we got pg, DP and I have been fighting more.  He says I'm really hormonal (not helpful) and I've started to see how much more help I'll need around the house and it's hit me that I'll be finacially dependent on someone else for the first time in my adult life...a scary thought for Ms Independant!  Now, whilst we are working through our worries etc (and I'm sure they're not unusual concerns), I have been wondering what its gonna be like when bubba comes. Will our relationship become worse?   I know we love each other VERY much and wanted this baby very much..... but it's scary to move from being a couple (albeit with a foster child already) to PARENTS together IYKWIM?

Will we still feel the same sort of love for each other? Will I ever want sex again lol? I'm so scared we're going to turn into a couple who parent ok together but aren't a 'couple' anymore, it that makes sense? I know that romantic love doesn't last forever, it's just we only had a year or so of that before we moved in together and then only another few months on our own before taking on our foster son (long story but it kind of HAD to be done at that point). A year on from that and we're very pg.....and happy....but a little part of me wonders whether all the responsibility and stress of the last year will slowly break us apart ( I don't mean literally, I mean emotionally).

What are your experiences of baby arriving? Has the love for your DH increased or decreased or changed and in what way? How have you manged to keep the 'couple' love alive or does it just die completely?

Maybe I think too much lol.   

My advice is that you need to continually work at it. You have all this love for your baby that you kinda forget about DH.

Relationships have to be continually worked at & you need to keep the communication lines open.

We went through a whole pile of crap after #1 as while we were preg we got married & DH had a major accident, so we were dealing with the repercussions of that & it took a long while to come right.

This time around I'm making sure DH is feeling loved at the end of the day & that he gets some us time. We have money worries this time but good communication is working & I'm going to get back on that bike as soon as I can cause it's good for both of us

I think it goes through stages of good and bad. Having a baby is a massive adjustment for both of you - I struggled to figure out who I was after DD was born and unfortunately we had some rough patches in those first few months.

After that, once the routines were set in place and we were out of that initial newborn shock stage, things got back to where they were beforehand.

Yes, you will want sex again (although not for a while because damn you are tired) and it will eventually get back to being how it was but it will take time.

As long as you continue to openly talk to each other, take each day as it comes and try to enjoy life then I think you will be fine.

I personally think you love your partner differently once you become a parent.

Beforehand its a "you are my life without you I would be lost romantic" kind of love

Once a baby comes they become your life .. I love DH to pieces .. and he still takes my breath away but a baby changes things completely and to tell you the truth we are both surprised we have come through the past year still a couple! (Especially after the first three months of newborn hell lol)

We have to make a conscious effort to "make time" for each other as you do tend to get stuck in the rut of daily living and going down to one income (soon to be none when I have number two) it makes going out much harder.

Oh and Id to have sex ... but usually im just to knackered by the time we are both in bed lol ... although we are having number two ... so we obviously found some time for some noctural activities

Those are great- and honest- replies...thank you

AnnaK- you mentioned you were very independant before bubba came along...and  now you think being less so has actually helped your relationship? I've actually been wondering about that lately...ie if I'm TOO self reliant, even as part of a couple. I sometimes wonder if DP thinks I need him at all, as I'm a very pro-active 'get things done' kind of person (he is not lol). But since being pg, I think he's tried to step up in this area and maybe I haven't let him...or havne't recongnised his efforts (as they're diferent from mine, of course)...maybe this is something I really need to work on.  Also he works incrediably long hours and its very easy for me to resent this as it means most of the childcare and housework falls on me to do, however if I take a step back to see why he's doing this work...it's for us and our family.  And he has been more active in homelife since we talked (argued) about it lol so he is trying.  I think  have very high expectations of myself in every area of my life and being a little more vulnerable and 'softer' is very scary for me. Much as P loves me and my 'strengths', I think he is also looking forward to that day when I let my side down a littleand let him take care of me...IYKWIM?

 

Edited by Emmecat

I don't know how much things have changed. Our sex life has and does when I'm preggers cause I go off it completely but oh well lol..

But we make an effort to have husband/wifey time every evening, even if its only for 10 mins before i go to bed (cause I go earlier than him) but usually its longer, just to talk and be with each other without Daniel.

I tended to 'baby' my DH and I still do to a certain extent, but my focus has changed because a certain little girl commands the most attention and that's just the way it is. I've definately seen a shift in our relationship, but I would say it's for the better, we are a united front, and even though there are some days when I may feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, my DH is still my best friend and the shoulder that I lean on.
I find my DH as attractive as ever, and our sex life is the same as it was pre-baby.
It definately takes effort, but of course relationships always do, whether there are children on the scene or not. I have lived with my DH for 15 years and I can quite honestly say that I put in about 10 times the effort than most of the people I know do... and they wonder what is going wrong in their relationship! It is important to take time for the two of you - we are lucky with Grandparents that are happy to babysit. Try and get a good support so that you can have time out. Make the effort to have adventures with each other, the way you would have years ago.