Help! Guardians, who do you choose???

Ooo its a difficult one! Could you talk to any of them about it? If you picked say your Mum but voiced your concerns and set things in place to prevent DHs family getting shut out would she obey your wishes?

You could also set things in your will saying the children would go to such and such but have to go to the other family once a month and holidays or something.

Argh that is hard can you talk to the families and see what they think? I like the idea of making it very clear that neither would be to be left out of the kid's lives. For us we ahve decided not on family because my Bro is way too young as yet and as much as we lives Pete sister we know she would not raise our kid's how we would want (ie we are a christain family) So we have asked and chosen my best friend to be it. However now we are heading into number 3 we will ahve to talk about thsi cause she is not keen on too many eiter not to mention she is not as yet married. Oh sh*te you have got me thinking now.

That's a tricky one! It was quite an easy decision for us as my brother is our only sibling who is married and has a baby. We've agreed to act as their child's guardians and vice versa.

It's really hard when it comes down to it. I can't really offer too much advice.

For us i had always beleived that It would be my older sister and her hubby, or mike's parents, but mainly my sister as mikes parents have no other kids other than mike and are now in their 40's (so still young) but also used to living and doing their own thing.

This was until last year when my sister got divorced, her hubby turned a bit stalker-ish and she's become very bitter and not really like the sister i used to know and love - she's just not her anymore, her pareenting style has always been different to mine but she was the one i knew above all else would take care of my girls as she loves them so much.

However, I have not yet had the heart to tell her that we have asked Mike's parents to be the girls guardians if anything happened to us (i should tell her i know)

Here are the things we thought about in our consideration

1) My sister is very far from the sister i had thought about entrusting my kids to when we thought of this years ago

2) Her kids are now teenagers and she's going through enough with them - they NEED her time and input after all the crap of the past few years - to add my kids just wouldn't equal out

3) She lives up in Hamilton away from the rest of my immediate family and would never move back here ever (she's told me that)

4) She's now a single mum. Now seriously - I lived in a single parent family from when i was 5. There's nothing wrong with it but not a situation i would choose for my children if i could avoid it.

4) Mike's parents, yes, they have no other children - but that's also a good thing, their time would not be diverted away from the girls at a time when they likely needed it most

5) Mike's parents are also, as close to our own parenting values and personalities as me and mike - and they clearly each have one child they are closest to, which means no favourites.. Each child would have their own guardian they have a special bond with already.

6) As they are both in well-paying stable jobs, with no money probs - we know our children would be well provided for and taken care of.

7) lastly, we know that they are down to earth, love the girls and wouldn't be the type of people to use the girls as barter - ie.. "you can't see them cos you've pissed me off" type of thing.. not that my sister would but my family does things like that sometimes.

It's lots to consider and so so very hard to reach the decision. Mike's parents i always thought of as not the best idea as they are used to their independance and i didn't want them to feel obliged to give that up, but then i also have had to take into account who's in the best position to bring up our kids in a way that would be most like how we would do it ourselves and they are a very clear choice for that. We asked them not too long ago and they were more than happy to agree to it.

Let's hope it never comes down to that, and again, it may change when we are older, the girls are older and maybe when my sister's kids have left home or whatever. Things change, but for now, that's our decision.

Edited by mum2paris

It's a blinkin tough decision eh!  We've only just agreed on who we'll ask about it - and are still yet to ask them!  Ella's got no uncles or aunts who are anywhere near ready to raise a child, so the only family option we were left with was her grandparents... and it turns out that none of them actually want to be named her guardians!  They adore her to bits, but are all in a different phase of life and all 4 of them completely soaked up in their jobs, and I have to admit I was really shocked that even though we weren't asking them to be her guardians, none of them were fighting for the role!  I'd just assumed that they'd want to, but it makes sense that they don't.  They all see themselves as her grandparents, and they'd all have a role in her life no matter who she lived with.  By naming someone else in our wills, we leave Ella's relationship with her Grandys as that nice grandparent-child relationship she's got going on already, and someone else can do the hard yards of raising her.  So my only suggestion would be to float the idea past the people you're choosing between anyway, because you never know if someone is just not keen on saying yes - if one family is and one isn't, that might help you decide?