How did you cope?

I seems that I am going to be 'waiting to ttc' for a long time, and just wondering if anyone has any stories/advice to help me deal with this?

 

I know we are young, but I feel so strongly about having children. I've lost interest in everything else and I don't think this is healthy! How do I CARE about other things>

I'm not really bothered about the house, the career or the travel (or the three societally prescribed pre-ttc events as I like to view them). Obviously it is important to have a secure situation, and I am going to focus on working towards this, but I don't feel that travel would be that fulfilling for me. 

 

I'd also like to hear from anyone who has an overly ambitious DH, whose plans you've had to support and work around? My hubby has decided he wants to pursue a career in boxing and I detest the sport.

 

If you believe divorce is the best idea then that's fine, I'm open to your opinions.

 

Sorry if I seem bitter, I'm really struggling right now. TIA.

Hi Rach, sorry to hear things aren't so easy right now

I don't have children (yet.... I hope!) although we are TTC. My DH and I are both in our 30's. We've been TTC now for 7 months, so I can appreciate how frustrating the whole process is. My DH really wants kids as much as I do, however he is the one who reminds me how much our lives are going to change when our children do arrive. It doesn't sound like a huge comfort when you really want kids now, but there are things in our lives that won't be happening when we have kids. So I try and make the most of those things, whatever they are, and enjoy them. Those things don't necessarily include a house, travel or career. They are the small things like getting away at the last minute for a chill out weekend. Heading out for dinner and date nights whenever we decide to cos we don't have to worry about babysitters! These are just little things that we enjoy, and not all the time if we are a bit short on money, but you get the idea. Basically, treasuring the time DH and I have just the two of us before our lives change and allbeit for the positive, never just the two of us again!

As I'm sure you know, marriage is about compromise and giving and taking, and I guess if my husband had a burning desire to go for a new career in something, I would want to support that if it made him happy. It would need to be the right thing for us as a couple/family as well, but the consequences of denying my partner something like a career change could be potentially quite damaging. It sounds as though he is pretty goal oriented, which is a good thing I would've thought?Can he not pursue the career and a family? My DH started his own business last year and that has been huge for both of us, but I'm so proud of his achievement and even though there has been some stress along the way, he has grown so much in that time. Just keep communicating with him and ensure you are both on the same page.

Not sure if this is any help to you, I do hope you find a plan that works for you both

Edited by _Lou_

TTC really does your head in & I have had to take a step back from it. It can suck the fun out of DB'n & the romantic side as after awhile all you are doing it for is a baby & month after month, yr after yr it gets hard.

I think/feel it is easy to lose yourself & having kids makes things a lot harder. You need your DH to be on the same page as you. If you love him & want our marriage to work then sit down & talk

I think TTC can make you go a bit ummm loopy... well after my MC I defiantly went a bit obsessive about having a baby and think DH thought I went a bit mad

Reading your posts I really think you need to chill out a bit, I know that doing that is hard and trying to find other things to do/think about it really hard but its important you do before things get bad.

For me, i had DD at 23, and although I really don't regret it one bit I do wish I had taken the time to do a few things for myself and wish I hadn't grown up so fast. Its hard watching your friends still out partying, travelling, moving to new cities, buying cool things when you can't do any of that for a long time really. Just even thinkin about studying is hard as I have to work out what to do with DD and when to have the next baby etc.

I also think its important that you get in a good head space as you don't want to be at risk of postnatal depression/aniexty.

JMHO but wishing you luck with whatever happens

Did you have TTC plans before you were married or early in marriage? Just wondering if things have changed or you were hoping for them to change.

It sounds like your DH wants everything his way & not willing to compromise. As I said on your other one I think it is important to get everything else under control before having a baby cause if there are cracks then a baby can can widen them.

You need to be happy & do what will make you happy

Rach it sounds as though you and DH need to have a serious talk about things. As I said earlier, marriage is about give and take and that applies to him too. Your DH is still quite young, and men do have a tendancy to be a bit more immature than us women!

Hugs hon, its not easy. Good luck x

I turned 22 in september, he's 22 in january  I wish he was older than me, I am much more mature than him and it is so frustrating..

Wedding stuff is on my ticker

 

I know we have LOADS of time, but knowing that in my head doesn't translate to knowing it in my heart. I am a very sensible person, but I do lead with my heart...

I can definitely understand where everyone is coming from, I'm trying so hard to let this desire die.. I've made plans to go back to some form of study next year, and hopefully I can apply myself to it, despite my illness, and put it ahead of TTC plans...

 

DH has been challenging me to come up with one olympic athlete who already had kids when they won a medal. I'm stumped.

Although knowing him he'll go off the olympics idea in the next little while anyway !

 

For me it's just hard not having a plan, and a date that is in the foreseeable future. I am a plans person aswell, but he is very go with the flow...

Absolutely LadyBee - and thats with being a female so going through more than a male does when it comes to having a family!!

Rach I don't want this to sound like a lecture in any way but thought I would share my story.

I got married at 21, and my life was kids, from when I was little I said married by 21 kids by 23. I was consumed by it for ages, however cracks started appearing in our relationship.
Eventually at 25 I left him, it was the hardest decision of my life but at the same time the easiest as I knew that I wanted children so badly but needed to make sure that the relationship was there forever before.

I am now with the most amazing man, who will be the most amazing father to my kids, now TTC is a major part of my life again, but with no niggling side issues going on.

I am not by any means saying that leaving him is the right decision for you, but you do need to make sure that your relationship is sound before bringing children into it. I have a good friend with Fibro as well, who some days really struggles with what are perceived as simple things, so feel you will need 100% support from your DH when having a child as it could well flair up in the lead up to child birth or after.

Oh man that did sound like a lecture - sorry sweets!! Hope you have got to know me enough in the past few weeks in the TWW thread to know its not the intention

That's alright, it's good to hear other people's stories

Great advice

 

I am feeling quite a lot better now, have been tryna plan what to do next year, and it's good having something else to look towards

Well I'm still tossing up between a few things. I'm looking into becoming a PORSE educator, also thinking about doing a beautician course, or adding on to my science degree. Lol bit of a random mix.

 

Just read through the ttc threads- sorry to hear that AF showed!  Was really hoping it'd be your month. Hope you have a great time this weekend