Hypochondria

I really need some advice. I am fairly certain my husband is a hypochondriac. He is in his early 30s and is incredibly fit and healthy. However at the slightest ache or pain he becomes convinced that there is something seriously wrong with him.

I know many men are like this (!) but this is really bad. In the last year or so he has had referrals to specialists to rule out throat cancer and heart disease and he has just got a referral today to rule out oesophageal (sp) cancer. Last year he made me take him to the emergency department because he had stomach pains and became convinced his appendix had ruptured. There was nothing wrong with him at all.

Apart from being a huge waste of time for all concerned it is really affecting our relationship. He is incredibly defensive about it. I have been trying to gently suggest that he get some counselling or something for ages to no avail. Today's referral arose from a GP appointment I didn't even know he was going to - even though over the weekend we agreed that I would go with him to the next appointment and as well as ruling out cancer we would discuss with the GP the possibility of hypochondria, counselling etc. So he deliberately went to the GP behind my back to avoid that and now he just flatly refuses to seek help.

When I found that out today I got really frustrated and in desperation tried the "tough love" approach - instead of being sympathetic and understanding I just told him he needs to get help and he knows I mean it. We had a huge fight and now he isn't speaking to me. Basically he would rather get a divorce than seek help (which tells me he is afraid of seeking help - if he didn't have hypochondria it would surely be no big deal, go to one session, they say you're fine and that's the end of it).

So I just have no idea what to do now. I don't feel like I can just let it go. As well as wasting his time he is wasting the time of medical professionals that would be better spent on patients with actual problems. It is also a waste of my time when I have to take time off work to be with him in hospital for no reason, plus all the time I have to spend trying to convince him he is OK (often at the expense of us having real conversations about real things). We have medical insurance which pays for all this stuff thank goodness but it probably enables him too. Plus we can't change insurance provider because even though no one has ever found anything wrong with him, his medical records look like he's a major risk with loads of vague pre-existing conditions. We do have to pay for the GP visits though, which adds up over time, plus prescription costs (the GP often prescribes him something innocuous "just in case", I suspect to try and make my husband feel like he is being listened to which might alleviate his anxiety and in turn his symptoms).

Please help, any advice would be appreciated!!

[ETA typos]

Edited by pumpkino - 25 February 2013 at 10:05pm

We do have the same Dr (although I don't think I've ever seen him for myself, just for the kids). For some reason my husband is dead against talking to him about it. I think it's because he likes him and is embarrassed. He also doesn't want it in his medical records that the subject even came up. I don't want to go behind his back if I can avoid it. Plus I doubt he would talk about another patient to me without that patient's permission. I could ask him generically about hypochondria I suppose...

Thanks so much for your replies Spitfire & Hopes. Progress today - when he realised how upset I was about it he independently identified a counsellor specialising in anxiety disorders (including hypochondria) and seems to be willing to go for a visit which is great. I am hoping that I will be able to go with him - I think the main thing we need is actually for me to have some strategies to help him deal with it when his anxiety gets the better of him. I generally try to be sympathetic and supportive but worry that I'm enabling him. On the other hand if I am dismissive and tell him he's being silly I risk him just keeping his anxiety a secret from me which would be even worse. Hopefully a professional will have all the answers!

Thanks again :)

I feel for you & hope the decision to go to the counsellor has improved the situation. Also if you are seriously concerned enough to make him go to counselling for it then I can't see why it wouldn't hurt to mention it to your GP, they may be able to give you some support & direction for how to help him.

I'm personally not one to go along the approach of threatening to leave as was mentioned above, I think that just adds drama & although his hypochondria affects you & makes life hard, if your husband is struggling with an anxiety issue then it is needs to be about him and supporting him to get help. That way hopefully before long you will have the man you love back & life will be rosy again.......well that was my plan anyway & most the time it works.
My husband struggles with anxiety, he's seen a counsellor & on his final session he asked me to go along too. They were fantastic with helping him to put it all into perspective & giving him the tools to cope when needed. I found being able to go along to one of the counselling sessions really helped for me to recognise what he was going through & know how to help him constructively, it also helped us talk about things on the same wavelength. (In saying that he did sessions a year or so apart & was only at the end of the second lot that I went along too so I wouldn't push you being in there if he's not keen on it) Although there have been some crappy times, overall coming out the other side our relationship is stronger because of it all.

Good luck hope it all works out.