Killer Tanty

OMG! Just been through the worst bed time melt down I've ever seen.

Things started dodgy at dinner time when he refused to eat, even when i said he should hang around for dessert. Then the before bed toilet stop wasn't smooth. Yelling started at the introduction of PJ's (he's still in day clothes now). From there the tantrum started in earnest.

After some preamble DH carried him to the bedroom where it really took off. DH sat with his back to the door as DS1 screamed bashed ranted and frothed at the mouth for around 1/2 an hour. I was wondering if a 2yr old could give themselves an aneurysm. I patted and talked to him in a calm voice telling him over and over to breathe with mummy, and other such ramblings.

After about 30min there was a short break in which he managed to say a few words. Another flare up. Then finally he collapsed crying on my shoulder and I got him into bed for his stories and sleep.

Now DS1 is lovely, but when he gets in a tizz, there is no pleasing him and I know this. I have previously tried giving him what he wants, or at least what he's screaming over, but that's not the problem so he'll then just start screaming about something else. He can go onto quite random things as the tantrum progresses - I call it 'kitchen sinking' he throws everything in even the kitchen sink.

I guess there isn't much else I can do except try and talk him down. I was actually thinking, thank goodness he's our kid, a less patient DH and he would be an abused child.

Just has anyone else had this? Getting that bad the kid looks like they may well explode? They grow out of it, right? Is there anything else I can do?

That sounds really upsetting for you and DH to experience. I don't have much to suggest, I'm sure you've tried all sorts, like just sitting quietly, telling him you will talk (quietly) when he has finished crying. That's the only thing that works with my girl, but then she doesn't really have tanties often *touch wood*.
We give DD1 fish oil on the days that we remember and I really notice when she hasn't had it for a week or two. If I remember to give it to her daily she is a wee angel, calm and lovely. But a week or two without it and she stops listening and gets restless, frustrated easily etc. May be something you could try? You can get yummy kids' capsules. Jody's are shaped like fish and she loves eating her 'fish pills'.
I've also seen amazing results in a child care centre where a couple of children were hard to talk to, keep calm at times, but after a week or 2 on fish oil they were so different.

Do you give him plenty of warning before you do stuff? Even though we do the same thing every evening (dinner, play, toilet, teeth, PJs, bed) Jody still needs prior warning for each step. "in 5 mins it's time to go to the toilet, then it's teeth brushing time....."
Sometimes if she's getting silly at the PJ step I will say to her "if you hurry up and get your PJs on there will be time to choose a story (or TWO stories)"

BIG HUGS!! Just do your best to stay calm. Stay nearby so he knows he can come to you when he's ready, but not too close so he has space to sort himself out without freaking out more IYKWIM.
xx

He gets 5min count down a lot it really does help. Just when it's a full on tanty there is nothing stopping him. Wild horses wouldn't have a patch on him those times.
Fish oil? Never heard of that as a behaviour modifier!

Might try the fish oil myself..

We have the same problem with my stepson, who's three and a half. He hit terrible threes instead of twos, so don't worry, I don't think it lasts for years. But I know how hard and horrible it can be, it can make a nun swear!

We're going to see the development unit regarding it in a couple of weeks, so I'll let you know what they suggest. One thing that sometimes works is rubbing DS's leg, which is a comfort thing to him, and settles him. Does your son have something that settled him when he was a baby?

Mainly it is just kids figuring out their frustrations and they do grow out of it, I'm told.

Oh, something I read suggested walking away and leaving them, and when there's a pause, addressing the child. I find it does sometimes cut down the time of the tantrum, though it can make you feel like a horrible parent leaving a screaming child.

So you're not alone, I know how you feel, and I'm glad I'm not the only one, either! Good luck, and I hope things improve. If I find something that works, I'll post it. :)

i have a 6.5 yr old who can still tantrum like that. When he is tired it is worse though and sometimes walking away is the best thing to do.