Second labour longer/harder than first?

My second son is just over a week old and I am struggling a bit hearing stories of other peoples fabulous second births. My first son was quite a quick birth (around 9 hours from first back pain to baby) and although the birth was far from perfect it wasn't too bad.

I decided on a homebirth for my second (still very glad we did) and my midwives both assumed I'd be quick this time too. We totally never entertained the idea that I'd be a really, really long time in labour. Everyone talks about how your body knows what to do second time around etc So it was a massive shock to have a long 35ish hour labour with about 14 hours of active labour (contractions   5 mins apart or less). My second was bigger than my first and this is apparently why the labour was so much longer.

I just feel quite traumatised by it really. I had done a lot of work preparing for the birth (breathing affirmations etc) and they worked really well for large parts of the labour but I just couldn't sustain it for the whole time. My partner I think was also pretty distressed by the labour as he hadn't prepared himself for it being like that.

Did anyone else have a second birth that was like this compared to their first? Did you cope ok? Did you go on to have a third baby and was it ok? I'm starting to get a bit resentful when I hear of these 4 hour second births! I'm certainly not keen on having a third baby anymore .

Thanks in advance for your responses

My first labour was pretty horrendous - six days of contractions every 10 minutes and about 10 hours of "active" labour before a pretty traumatic delivery (this was overseas, here they would have intervened much earlier I'm sure).

My second was very different - I went straight to contractions every 5 minutes and we rushed to hospital. I was so excited, I thought I was going to have one of those awesome quick labours for the second child that I kept hearing about.

But, no. I just stopped progressing and the next 10 hours were terrible - they tried every intervention possible, including drugs, and eventually they had to do an emergency c-section because DS2's heart rate was too low and he was in distress. While the actual c-section was a better experience than I was expecting, the 10 hours prior were agony, both physically and emotionally. I felt a bit cheated because everyone had been telling me during the pregnancy that the second was always better than the first.

On balance I think the first probably was worse, but only just!! But my second was still a lot worse than I had been expecting.

DS2 was quite a bit bigger than DS1 as well, which was a bit weird because I put less weight on in the second pregnancy. But perhaps that is why we were denied our easy second deliveries - big babies!!

Huge hugs, won't add my stories but I was warned that 3rd births can end up like first births, which in your case would be ok.

Wallow away! I think it's important to recognise your feelings and the fact that it's OK to have not enjoyed giving birth, as long as you move on once you've wallowed :)

If it helps, I actually feel fine about both mine now - I was so lucky to have two beautiful healthy boys I kind of just forgot about the deliveries fairly quickly. And I am definitely keen to have another - just have to convince DH!!

ETA typing ;)

Edited by pumpkino

My second labour was quicker,but much much more intense and painful.
I vowed never to do it again...but I did,and my third labor was much much better :-)