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FionaS View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 February 2008 at 2:02pm
Not sure where to post this.

Prior to having Elle I was a very level headed, calm and rational person. Not overly analytical and just generally happy and positive. VERY rational.

Elle was so unsettled and that hardest thing of all was that there seemed to be no support...I was like no-one believed us. I frequently received comments like "you're just imaginging it" "all babies grizzle....get over it" "you give her too much attention" or "you don't give her enough" or "she is stressed because you are".

I still feel very isolated and those comments still hurt. Crazy huh.

All of those statements are probably true of all of us from time to time but I know they weren't the root problem. As you know, my daughter was oversensitive and very unhappy for a long time. All I wanted / want is for her to be happy.

Now, 18mths down the track, the lack of support and stress is taking it's toll. I KNOW I can cope with ANYTHING as I always have...nothing is insurmountable. BUT I am really struggling. I find small things e.g. if Elle skips a nap make me feel overwelmed and stressed inside. I have far less patience and coping skills than I used to.

A few times lately I've been awake for half the night worrying, wondering and crying. This is so not me.

A lot of the time I'm still very happy, albeit exhausted from my insomnia / Elle's night wakings but I feel like it doesn't take much to send me into inner panic and stress.

I know Elle is a relatively "normal" (horrible word!) and happy kid BUT I just know something isn't quite right.   I'm not wanting to label her I just KNOW in my heart that something isn't right and something is still bothering her. I tell myself it'll be fine as basically all of us have some quirks and niggles and we adjust. I don't know what I am so scared of but something is making me fret. I don't know what it is that I am really truely worried about.

I'd prefer to stay away from anti-depressants if I can. Any thoughts about whether I just need a break or whether I need to address things more specifically? I keep thinking that when I have answers to what it is about Elle that's still not right I will be happy and able to move forward positively but I need to cope better between now and then.

WOW! Long sorry! I deal with this internally, I don't think it impacts on those around me yet or that they are even aware of it but I feel it is getting worse and soon it might start to manifest in more ways.
Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley
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james View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote james Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 2:23pm
awww hun big big hugs coming your way i,m so sorry you are feeling this way and you are great mum if you feel somthing is still wrong with bub then you are right a doc i saw with james once told me to always listen to my mummmy instect as its always right. thoses comments dont help either i have had friends say thoses things to me "oh your just being silly hes fine" arrghh drives me crazy again big big hugs
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nikkitheknitter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nikkitheknitter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 2:50pm
Eeeeek... anxiety. Not cool! I seem to get it when I leave home/Hannah.

Anyway, apparently taking St John's Wort is good - I think you can get tablets... or tea.

Do you take anything like rescue remedy for those anxious times?

I feel for ya Fiona!! xoxoxoxox
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Paws View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Paws Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 2:52pm
I was going to suggest St John's wort also, it's supposed to be good. Rescue Remedy is one I have been known to live on the past as well.

Big hugs to you babe, it's hard when you don't get the support you need!

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caraMel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caraMel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 3:26pm
Hey Fiona,
I'm just getting back on top after my second big battle with anxiety, there's quite a few of us mamas who get it on here I think.
I've not been able to take meds yet either (the thought of taking them makes me anxious, seriously!) but I do use rescue remedy and was taking St John's Wart. I've also cut out caffeine and am trying to seriously cut down on sugar as they're both BIG contributors if you're having anxiety issues.
If you're feeling like you need some help to deal with it, a visit to your Doc would be helpful. Lots of them like to prescribe meds first but if you're sure you don't want to go down that road yet you can ask about referrals (or recommendations if you can afford to avoid the public system) for counsellors and cognitive therapists. I've found both really helpful.
Another agency I can recommend getting in touch with is the Phobic Trust. They offer lots of services and support and are really kind and helpful Ph 846-9776
Good luck Fiona, I hope things get better for you really quick. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it or if you have any questions
Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:

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.Mel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote .Mel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 4:02pm
Fiona I could see it in you when I met you the other night... you were there with us, but you were also miles away.

I don't have any quick fixes for you, but I do believe that you should share this with your Dh, he's such a lovely kind man, I am pretty sure that he will give you all the support that you need.

Why don't you make it that every Friday you sleep downstairs, and sleep till you wake up. She'll be fine, she has her daddy and will see you in the morning.

Maybe you do need a break for a night. Maybe you should get a referral to see a Paed.

You have a very charming little girl, who seems to like frothy milk!! If you believe in your heart that there is something not right, maybe get a second opinion? Just to ease your mind a little.

I don't think you have depression, you are just worried about your little girl, and you need some help with that.

It might be time to start taking care of you for a little while.
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FionaS View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FionaS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 5:06pm
Cut out coffee! OMG! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! LOL

Sorry Mel! I was shattered that night and really stressed with work.

I've been taking on too much at work. I need to say no to big things (like tomorrow...teaching a whole bunch of managers for a whole day!) and stick to my normal duties.

I just try to do to much and do it all perfectly.

And yeah, I worry about Elle. Done the paed thing to no avail so I should just relax. And for the record I have searched myself and I'm not trying to put Elle in a box or label her...I just want to feel at peace that everything is ok.
Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley
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Kellz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 5:13pm
Firstly, after everything that u have been through/are going through, I think its perfectly normal that u feel this way.
The circumstances that have made u stressed and axious have been ongoing and out of your control.
Lack of good, un-interrupted sleep is a killer too,...espcially when its continual with no end in sight. I got to the point where I was so anxious each evening about how our night with Isla was going to go,...that I couldnt go to sleep.

I went to the Dr cos I wanted to be referred to a cousellor, and came away with meds. I didnt feel depressed,...so didnt take them,...but after 2 weeks I just thought 'I cant go on like this" and if meds are what I need,..then thats what I'll do. Even tho I still didnt feel depressed.
I felt that the way I was feeling was because of the ongoing stress of dealing with Isla, her crying/unsettledness, the fact that 7 different health professionals we had taken Isla to had all said there was nothing wrong with her( and some blamed the fact I was stressed/my milk supply etc) even tho I felt there was, my issues from the birth etc.
I now know that this is tru. I have what the mental health professional I have seen called Circumstantial depression. The meds helped more than I could have imagined. But the key has been telling others, and letting them help me.

I hope somthing from that helps u too.
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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 9:19pm
LOL (Cara)mel, I was anxious about taking meds too teehee, we are a mad bunch!

Big hugs Fiona, I hate seeing you so stressed and miserable For what it's worth, in my humble opinion Elle seems to really be coming out of her shell in the past couple of months, she has changed a lot.

Don't underestimate how stressful the past 18 months have been for you, as well as all the adjustment to having a child, you've had all the tough unsettledness etc. to cope with and that's bound to take it's toll on you, I know I struggled to cope when the gremlins were shockers. Add in the stress of your m/c and it's not surprising you're feeling a bit on edge.

I agree with .Mel about talking to your DH, I'm sure (I hope!) he will be supportive if he knows how you are feeling and what you are going thru. And if you're not keen to go down the meds route then maybe talk to a naturopath about alternative treatments for anxiety coz it sounds like what you have is definitely anxiety rather than depression.

When it comes down to it tho, resorting to meds isn't a failure or a sign of weakness. I put off going back on meds for depression/anxiety as long as I possibly could until I eventually had an anxiety attack so severe i vomited from the adrenaline and then I realised I had completely lost the plot. And the meds really have helped me unbelievably much, I can actually function without panicking about every little thing.

More big hugs, you know where to find me if you need anything.
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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FionaS View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FionaS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2008 at 11:55pm
DH does know...he hears alllllllllllllllllllll about it....including at 1am last night when I was in tears! Doh! So should've just gone to sleep.
Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brenna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2008 at 8:34pm
I swear by rescue remedy. I also get very anxious about lots of things to do with Brenna (her missing day naps is also a biggy for me!) I must admit that what has helped me is going to work and only doing what I have to there (easier said than done) but realising that she is fine without me and to see other people looking after her well. It also has given me other things to think about. I know everyone finds different ways to feel better and I hope you can too. Being anxious is such a scary feeling. Just remember that we are all here to listen anytime *hug*
My beautiful 2 girls...nearly 4 and 13 months
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Shorty View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shorty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2008 at 9:31pm
I am sorry you are having a rough time, you are such a caring and gentle person and do not deserve it.

So I was someone totally against meds. I hated the thought that I was not able to pick myself up and just get on with again.
I was at breaking point, I was referred to MMH who sent a team out to access me and was given meds....still took me another day or so to fill out the script. But it was the lift I needed and on reflection would never have been able to do it myself.

I am sure your DH has been supportive, would it help to talk to someone further about it, maybe your GP?
*Big hugs mate *
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