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Termination for medical reasons

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babycrazy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 12:10pm
Might be good for your DH to have a quiet word with your mum about how you're coping (or not). I think he should suggest she also sees someone so she can talk about how she's feeling rather than telling you and making it more difficult for you.

Hope gym was good.
Yeah two months - can't believe that really. Try not to think about the 'what if' part right now or the 'how many weeks I'd be etc" - in fact the latter I actually can't even remember, I'd have to actually sit down and work it out. I know you won't feel like it right now but it does get that little bit easier week by week. The bad days will become fewer and although you'll never forget you will find that it occupies less of your thinking. I'm becoming more open about it now. I used to not be able to speak her name out loud but now I just say it rather than skirting around the topic.
Must admit I was feeling a bit wobbly myself this morning but I think that's due to my appointment tomorrow.
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 12:49pm
I definitely think it would be better coming from DH than from me.

Gym was ok. There's a lady with a lovely pregnant belly which is so hard to see. If i was still pregnant I probably would have made conversation with her, but now I just don't want to know.

It's reassuring that the days and weeks will get better. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel is just often gets obscured by those tough days and moments.

I really hope you can sleep tonight BC so that you might be able to cope with yyour day tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. xo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 1:57pm
It won't be long rd where the good days will out weigh the bad days! I'm super proud of you for going to the gym! I also joined when I lost Meika and although exercise sucks Lol it really does make you feel so much better.

I also think it would be better coming from dh as rather than telling Mum to stop talking to you about Micah he can word it like it's come from him!

Bc best of luck for tomorrow - I know you will get a lot more answers than I did! They could find any reason for Meika dying! But just remember it's nothing you did at all it's just one of those cruel things that happen occasionally! I'm just sorry it happened to you xxx what time is your appointment?


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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 4:25pm
LOL I'm not excercising Anthea. You should know me better 😉 it's Kellan's gym class. So lots of mama's with two kids and the preggie lady I mentioned

Got amnio results. Nothing abnormal found. Although I know it doesn't pick up everything.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 5:35pm
Doesn't amnio only pick up chromosome abnormalities ?

Lol rd - maybe you should look at joining a gym? Even just a short term thing? Are you going to Work tomorrow ?

Edited by antheawren - 23 May 2016 at 6:25pm


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babycrazy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 6:11pm
Thanks for the wishes girls. I'll certainly be glad to get it over with - our appt is at 1pm. I think we pretty much have been given all the info that they could offer but who knows something might pop out of the woodwork.
Anthea - this will sound weird but I guess we're kind of 'lucky' (the lesser of two evils perhaps) to know what was wrong with Paige. I can imagine that not knowing would be absolute torture.
I know it was nothing I did but I still sit and wonder. Then again I was pretty careful to the point of distraction that I just have to roll with it being what it was.

RD - glad you got the results. How do you feel about the result?
All mine have shown nothing which I found a relief that my next pregnancy might just be the right one and I actually get a baby.

Gah having a bit of a rough day head wise. Think hormones (af due later this week) coupled with tomorrow isn't really the coolest combo. Have felt on the edge of tears all afternoon and I sometimes feel like I can't think straight. It's like I get overwhelmed by too much information sometimes. I hate admitting that because I'm usually so on to it. Hopefully I manage to have a conversation with DH re another IVF this week, I feel like I need to make a plan.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 6:29pm
Making a plan BC will honestly help you so so much. I know after Meika we were making a plan straight away as that's how I work and just having something to focus on was a relief. I never once felt like I was replacing Meika, I felt like I was filling a huge empty hole in my heart and belly. You should have taken today off work, had a completely you day! Thank goodness its tomorrow. I hope you find out everything you are needing.

I think it sucks there was no reason for Meika dying, when people ask I just say she forgot how to live. There really is no other reason for it. If I had been told she had had problems I know I would have dealt with it a lot better but for her to die for no reason at all just doesn't make any sense to me!!!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 6:42pm
Yeah I'm definitely one who settles down if I have a plan in place. I inquired about foster care/ adoption and there's training starting this weekend but I've backed away from that for now as think I should focus on one thing at a time. So IVF is my focus for the next few months and then whatever happens there I'll move onto the other pathway. Was always on my long term plan but after I'd had a child of my own and was at home already.
I'm a bit like you I just yearn to be pregnant again and have that happiness I had a few months ago. The future was so rosy.
I didn't really feel too bad till school had finished but you're right I do need to take a day when I need it. I think I will schedule a day later in the term as can see I'll need a break again.

Hun I can totally understand how you feel about Meika's passing. So upsetting to not know why.

Big hugs you too xx
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 May 2016 at 9:04pm
Ha ok I get my mood now - looks like af is making an appearance earlier than I expected.
I'm presuming it's normal for the body to take its time getting back into a routine? I got AF last month almost exactly a month after having Paige but only 8 days after I had ov pain ( I get pretty strong pain at ov) then tomorrow which will be day 1 is exactly a month after last AF but only 11 days following ov pain. I guess the positive is what I think is my LP is getting longer.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 7:37am
Will pop back later. Just wishing you all the best today BC! Xo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 2:00pm
I've been checking in all day bc hope your doing OK xx


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 4:11pm
I'm glad amnio was good. Hope they didn't find anything else in the post mortem. That would make me feel better about making a decision to try again.

I know I struggled for ages when they didn't find anything wrong with me. I don't know how you keep it together anthea

I'm all for making plans too. It does make you feel less lost.

I need to get into some kind of exercise. Went to work today. Slugged through the whole day. Wouldn't have been too bad if i didn't have a sore throat and headaches. Now I'm stuffed. Someone Who I hadn't yet spoken to akeed me how I was. I just said "honestly? Pretty sh*t" that actually felt good. Felt better than saying ok or alright it fine
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 4:16pm
Rd are you worried they are going to say it's a genetic thing? The 6 week wait is a long long time to wait for answers! Hang in there honey - you can still make plans now even if most of them don't apply til after your appointment !

Yay for making a full day of Work and for your response to your Work mate! Sometimes they honestly do want to know the truth! I hope your not getting another cold!

I think that's why I'm so anxious during pregnancy not just because my precious Baby died but because there was no reason for it! I never feel like there is a safe time! In saying that I have been doing OK lately - my wee girl has been letting me know she's still there!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GEONC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 4:33pm
I think the wait would be awful. But maybe its time for everything to come together from different sources so the people in their feilds of expertise can have all the info so no unanswered questions result from the meeting. Also gives parents enough time to reflect and have the time to ask questions they wouldnt have thought of had it been earlier. I must truly say, that when a baby dies for what ever the reason it really affects everyone who helps the family. I havent once not cried when this happens at work a silent tear often slips out. Its such an emotional raw time and you cannot but feel for the families and their loss.
RD . Hope you find the up coming meeting helps you in your journey moving forward!
Anthea your beautiful baby girl moving is so lovely to hear shes letting you know shes ok while she grows.
BC thoughts sent to you hope today has gone ok!
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Hi girls,

Thanks for thinking of me. Sorry have been on the road since before 8am and not long got home!
Today went well. We collected Paige's ashes and the blanket we were given at the hospital. Didn't feel emotional - more relieved as I'd been feeling like the world's worst mother for leaving her so long! They've put her in a cute wee cylinder type box with a teddy on the front so that's nice. Had a wee giggle at how small it is but to be expected.
After doing that in Palmy we carried on to Wellington for our appt. This also went well. Our specialist (a french guy and one of the top in the country apparently) was a crack up, not his intention but he's pretty black and white and perfect for explaining to a bloke like my DH. Anyway he shared the autopsy report with us which pretty much supported his initial diagnosis of schizenchephaly (spelling??). He said it was just an accident in the development of the baby and nothing genetic. We talked about future pregnancies and that because this was a one off occurrence I could just proceed as a 'normal' pregnant person next time as my likelihood of anything going wrong would be back to normal statistics, however he did suggest that for peace of mind I was welcome to be referred for the 20wk scan down there again. So if we're lucky enough to be in that position again we'll probably do that.
Phew....been a long day. But now I can start looking forward. DH was asking why I didn't hook up an appt with fertility associates while we were down there but our specialist doesn't work from there and I feel a bit mean going to someone else when he's helped us so much lol. So I'll look at organising a meeting with him soon.
Honestly today was just what I needed to put some closure on the whole thing.

RD I'm glad you're ok with the amnio result. Personally for me knowing that this was just some bad luck and not something I should face again is a relief. And like Geo said they wait so long to allow time for the autopsy (if you had one) to be reported and everything else to come together. Also emotionally you'll feel more up to talking about it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 6:23pm
Oh and RD I'm also glad that you survived work and that your workmate asked how you were AND that you were honest!! Well done hun. xx
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 7:05pm
Way bc sounds like the day was a successful one all round especially as now you also don't have to broach the subject with dh about trying again! I'm so happy for you that you have that closure!



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 7:15pm
Yeah Anthea. When we first lost her he'd talked of trying again but then I kind of got this feeling he'd gone off the idea but apparently not.
I wish you'd been able to get some kind of closure after losing Meika or at least reassurance that it won't happen again. It must be so stressful for you.

Feeling good now but I know that when I do IVF it'll bubble back up and if I get pregnant I'll be all over the show.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 7:46pm
So glad today went well BC!! Hopefully it's onwards and upwards for you & Mr BC.

GEO my midwife was with us for Micah's birth and she was a mess. She had a snuggle with Micah too. Was lovely to have her support even though she had to let the specialist MW so the delivery

I'm not worried about the genetic thing now that amnio results are back Anthea 😊 just have to wait for main appointment now.

Got Micah's birth certificate today. It has "stillborn" on it but I'm unsure if i have to apply for a death certificate as well.

Edited by LP pka Rainyday - 24 May 2016 at 7:47pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2016 at 7:57pm
How sweet of your midwife showing so much empathy RD.
Um not sure about the death certificate part RD. I'm sure we were given paperwork to that effect when we left the hospital but now i'm not sure. All I remember then saying was I had to register her birth which I did online, I didn't go forward with getting an actual certificate though.
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