This got me thinking...

This has happened to me... bet its happened to most of you guys as well...

Sometimes, friendships simply run out of steam and you're faced with making one of the most difficult decisions of your emotional life - to move on without them. Vikki, 32, reveals to Kerry Parnell why she knew it was finally time to let go.

Christina has always been a part of my life - we're from similar Greek backgrounds and never lived more than a few blocks from each other in Bexley North, NSW. We shared so many milestones of growing up. My first kiss was with her brother, and she later dated mine. Christina is a couple of years older than me and was quite wild when she was young, so I always looked up to her. It was like having an older sister - I adored her, as she made my life so much more exciting.

"Ever since we were teenagers, Christina has been very slim and strikingly beautiful, whereas I'd probably be described as a notch or two down, if I'm honest. That's not to say I was the 'ugly friend' - it wasn't that black and white. She was just slightly more attractive than me, slightly slimmer and slightly more daring. So, in my teens, I thought it was great to hang around with her because she made me feel beautiful. I was proud that the prettiest girl in school wanted to be my friend.

"She also took more risks than me. Although we were never that wild, really, I remember the time we got into the biggest trouble was when Christina arranged to meet her boyfriend for a kissing session and told him to bring his friend along for me. It transpired her brother Perry had overheard our plans and he and her parents marched down to the local park and busted us. We were banned from seeing each other for months and took to leaving notes in a cafe under fake names.

"After we left school, we drifted apart a little, as you do. She built a career in graphic design and I went into public relations. Although we didn't see each other that regularly, we had so much history that everyrtime we did catch up, it just felt so natural.

"When I was 28, I met my now-husband, Jason, and I was really excited to introduce him to Christina. I knew he was 'the one' and wanted to share my joy with her. He sells cars for a living and, that day, he'd borrowed a Lexus. We arranged to pick her up, but when we got to her unit I was surprised by her reaction. She sort of pooh-poohed the car and said the boot wasn't big enough. I remember thinking it was a strange comment to make, but she did have an ascerbic sense of humour, so she always managed to carry it off.

"But, the little comments, which maybe I hadn't noticed when we were younger, began to increase. It was the same when we announced that I was pregnant. It was at my parents' golden wedding anniversary, and Christina was there with her fiancee. When we told everyone, she said, 'Oh that was quick', then had a row with her boyfriend about why they hadn't set a wedding date yet. They made a big scene, which was quite embarrassing.

"I tried to understand what she was going through - sometimes, other people's life events can trigger emotional turmoil in yourself, which totally takes you by surprise. I know I've experienced this in the past. And Christina was going through a lot of stress - she split up with her partner quite soon after that.

"During my pregnancy, Christina was wonderful and kept saying how much she was looking forward to being an 'auntie'. We became very close during these months and, when I gave birth to Jack, she sent a huge bouquet of flowers to the hospital. I was so touched and looked forward to sharing my new adventure with her. But it took her three months to meet the baby and, in the end, I had to take him to a party she was going to, so they could finally meet. I understood she was busy with her life, but I was a bit disappointed she didn't want to share in my joy.

Looking back, I suppose I should have told her how I was feeling, but I don't like confrontation, and also a part of me felt like I didn't want to 'lecture' her. Friendships should be a two-way street, and I felt I had to take whatever she could offer me, even if deep down I hoped for more.

"When she began saying she desperately wanted to spend some quality time with me, I welcomed it. 'I miss you - when can we catch up?' she'd text me, and 'I'm looking forward to seeing you'. I was too, so I told her that on Saturday night Jason was away on a conference, and I'd love her to come to dinner. We chatted about what I'd cook and I was excited. With a baby, you spend a lot of time on your own, so sometimes it's nice to have something civilised to look forward to. Then she told me she'd been invited out to dinner, so why didn't I come with her. It was sweet of her to ask, but taking a baby to a trendy innercity restaurant isn't an easy scenario.

"I tried to explain, and she was very good and said that she understood, so I asked her to my place on the Sunday morning instead. I suggested that she mind Jack while I finished some extra work, then we could go out. 'I've got a better plan,' she said. 'You drive to me and pop Jack in bed with me and I'll read the papers, then you can come back when you're ready.' I was quite taken aback at how far our lives had splintered, and also reticent to explain that asking me to drive across the city and back again wasn't really 'helping'. I was also upset she didn't seem to want to spend this promised quality time with me after all.

"The process was getting exhausting, so I made an excuse and said I didn't think I'd have time. But the saga didn't end, as she then rang me to say she'd come round to mine at 10pm on the Saturday night after she'd had dinner. By this point I was getting annoyed, so I told her that I didn't want to wait for her all night, and she was clearly making me the second option after telling me she really wanted to catch up.

"From her perspective, I know she likes to cram as much into her life as possible, but I needed her to know how I felt. I could tell from the tone of her voice that she was really offended, but, to be honest, I'd gotten to the point where I needed to make a stand; I wanted to shift the power around. In the end, she came over at 10pm with another friend, Amy, so we obviously weren't going to have the intimate chat she'd said she wanted.

"When they arrived, Christina was in a funny mood. I suppose she was still annoyed with me. I'd put on a lot of weight when I was expecting and, since I'd had Jack, have slowly been working it off. It's been a long, hard slog and so far I have lost 10kg. Amy said immediately, 'Oh, are you on a diet?' 'Yes,' I replied, smiling, waiting for them to say well done.

"But, before I could tell them how much I had lost, Christina said, 'Has it started working yet?' It was so rude I almost burst out laughing, but as her words sank in, I felt them sticking into me like needles all night. Why did she always have to leave me feeling down about myself every time I met her?

"After a few glasses of wine, I confided that Jason had made his first TV ad. He'd bought a car yard a year before and we'd staked everything on it, so I was proud he'd made it and could afford to advertise on TV. I know those ads are cheesy, but when I showed them the tape, Christina laughed really hard and said, 'That'll keep me entertained at 4am', meaning that's the only time it would air.

"I'm sure she just thought she was being funny, but this time I'd had enough. She made me feel like a cooped-up suburban housewife and even if she didn't mean it, I felt it showed contempt for the life I had with my husband and son. So, right then and there, I decided that was that - I was going to ease her out of my life. As I shut the door, she said she'd email me an invite to lunch, and I smiled and replied that would be lovely idea - but, in my heart, I thought, 'I don't even want to see you again if you're going to make me feel like this.' And you know what? She never emailed. To be honest, I suspect she felt the same. I think friendships are like onions - you have some friends who are really close, but Christina had moved to the outer layer. I will always know her, but we'll never be close again.

"I'm surprised by how much this process has affected me. Even as an adult, addressing a difficult friendship is confronting. I don't want to say my having a baby has been the catalyst for splitting us up, as I don't believe women who are mothers and single women are necessarily incompatible - I have many friends who have very different lives, and we all give each other different things. But, I think having Jack simply exposed our core differences and made me analyse how Christina made me feel. It's taught me a lot about myself, particularly about how much I've grown in confidence since we were young. I simply realised, finally, that I don't need her approval to make me feel good about myself. I already do."

It is interesting. A friend of mine (who I actually havent seen since October now Ithink about it) shared his theory on friendships once with me. he feels (and there is an element of truth in it) that a friendship only works when you are getting something out of it. I dont think he means froma selfish point of view but you do need to be getting something out of it. People come and go as you need them in your life. Some stay forever but a lot just seem to be really important for a set amount of time.

I think it is normal and something we just have to accept as our lives evolve.

Paws wrote: I think you do often have friends for a season...the length of the season can vary. I feel very fortunate that I am still close friends with one of my school friends, we've been close friends for about 18 years now and that really is rare. We're not the type to talk on the phone every day but we are there for each other no matter what.

I agree. There are some people who have been in my life only a short time that I see often and spend lots of time with, and others that I've known for years and rarely see but are still just 'there'. Some that are friends simply because we share history, others because at this point in time we have something in common (kids, work etc.) and as time passes and things change we may see less of each other (or more).

I think friendships change too. I've know gandt for going on 10 years yet we hardly ever saw each other or did things together, we were more 'friends of friends'. But now that we both have kids of similar ages and live quite close together we see quite a bit of each other.

My closest friend is Maya's godmother, I have known her since I was 15 and she has been there for me the whole way, was there at Maya's birth, when Willie and I split up, when I lost our angel. And yet these days we're lucky if we see each other once a month. We talk on the phone and via email, but she works full time and doesn't have kids, and my life is crazy in general, but still we know we are here for each other when the need arises. Her Dad passed away on Thursday and I was the first person she called (after Jaz who she was on the phone to when she got the call ), that's just the way things are, and I'd drop everything in a minute for her.

mum2paris wrote: On the other hand, i have my bestest friend in the world, who i have known since i was 5.. so for 20 years.. (ohhhh i feel old now),

I know the feeling....me and my friend always give a startled shiver when we say we've been friends for 18 years! That's over half our lives.

that is so true.

I of course did forget to mention probably one of my friends i have known the longest really, our dad's were in the army together, we have known each other since we were about 18 months old.. our mums lost touch for a few years once our family moved away from auckland, but once they moved here to palmy too our mums caught back up and we've known each other ever since..never really hung around, or went place together but she'd come over while her mum took my mum grocery shopping each fortnight and we have kept in contact that way till now. she is now my girls daycare teacher, has known and cared for paris every day since she was 11 months old, was so sad to see her go to the over-2's section but then was and still is ayja's key-teacher, dotes on her and goes above and beyond, she is wonderful, like a second mum to my girls and i know that when i can't be with them, she's there to give them the biggest hugs and take care of them.