Tips for 2nd time mum away from support

How to cope with a newborn and a toddler??

Hi - I am 34 weeks pregnant and we have a 16-month-old. I am looking for practical advice/tips/strategies for managing with two littlies (especially when Baby no. 1 will only be 18 months old!). Our first baby has always been really easy, slept and fed well etc etc etc, plus we had heaps of family/friends support first time round - this time around we are in a new city so won't have all of that practical help. Also, last time I expressed so my husband could do the 10pm feed etc - but I can't imagine when I'll have time to express with an 18-month-old on my hands...?? Any and all your ideas/experiences gratefully received

Stay at home for the first couple of weeks/months, I found it was so much easier to get them sorted and settled if I wasn't stressing about going anywhere, and often I could get them to nap at the same time so I could get a break. try to express if you want to, but otherwise maybe you could just make a deal with your DH that he gets up to the toddler in the night if he/she wakes so you don't have to deal with that. And also the morning so that you don't have to get up if baby is sleeping.
Maybe start cooking now so that you will have lots of easy meals in the freezer, and write down lists of easy meals. Once baby was a bit older i found it great to go to playcentre, plenty of people to hold the new baby so I could spend some time with the older one.
It is hard work in the beginning, but you do get through it.

My DS1 was an easy child too and i had DS2 when he was 21 months. For us i think it was a good age gap as DS1 didn't really hit the terrible 2's till later so the transition to having to share me worked itself out before he had that sense of self awareness that he has now.   

We too have no family support but i do have good friends and i took up all offers of help to take DS1 for a morning etc. I find it hard to accept help but just said yes straightaway and it was great.

Practical strategies... well i found the opposite to Jojames actually. I found that keeping going to Ds1's playgroup, music and coffee group was good for him and me and certainly took the attention off the whole mum and baby attached at the hip thing. In those first few weeks the feeding can take so long and that was when DS1 would get a bit ratty. But when we were out he was off playing happily and barely noticed. Then home and he was down for a sleep till 3pm so i had quality time with baby (and myself).

Ditto the tv thing. It was a godsend to be able to plonk him in front of a dvd for 20 mins while i cooked dinner or fed etc. DS1 wasn't really that into tv but likes the brainy baby dvd and the Night Garden so i bought a few of those and it helped hugely at times. By 8-10 weeks there re so many less feeds and a bit more structure and everything gets easier.

I found 2 quite hard at first to be honest, but that may be because DS2 was an unsettled baby and really had to be carried everywhere for ages.

Getting DS1 a baby was also good for us. I made his baby some nappies and a nappy bag and things and so he and i would do things together with our babies. We would walk our babies together, although a couple of times DS1 walked his baby right down the street before i noticed as i was feeding! Make sure your section is toddler proof! We had just moved and didn't have gates.

You'll get through it hun no matter how hard it gets. That thought kept me going some days. Thinking well Angela you are not the first woman to do this and they all managed so just get on with it! The lady over the road from me has 7 kids and she is such a positive, happy woman, always out with her brood and so i thought of her a lot.

There are a number of similar threads on here from ages back, worth searching in your spare time

There's some good stuff already said, I would add easy activities like bubble blowing, balloons, nail polishing. (If your eldest is a boy, just polish his toes then!) I find it easier to just bf in the night, it requires less thought that having to warm a bottle etc. If you are still in the habit of carrying #1 a lot, try to encourage him to hold your hand instead so that the adjustment is not so great when baby arrives.

Slow cooker saved my arse a lot. You can put it on anytime during the day and it will cook 7-8 hrs on low, or 3-4 hrs on high. MIL bought me one.

Casseroles freeze well. We do one with chicken, olives, tomatoes, cannellini beans that is yummy. Lasagne freezes well. Make salads as your vege so you only need to cook meat. DVD is great for dinner cooking time. My boys wasn't that into tv but would watch those Baby Einstein ones.

Activities - tbh didn't end up using the one i made and can't remember what was in it. You get good at bf everywhere; standing, sitting on floor, even cooking occasionally.

Nap at same time - whichever is the easiest to get down fast, or whoever can wait best. If baby is a sleeper then chuck them in cot and then do toddler, but if baby is unsettled then chuck toddler in their bed and sort baby out. DS2 was a nightmare napper but DS1 was piece of cake. That was never a huge issue with us tbh. Toddlers are usually flexible within 30 mins or so. We have a door down to our hallway where bedrooms are and in the early days i would always close that when settling baby so toddler couldn't get down. Otherwise it was a nightmare. They have to get used to idea that they can't be a part of that.

I was the same, we have no friends or family here, although a family friend came to stay and it was another person to feed and get 'advice' from - so wouldnt do it again
Its not easy, but you will be fine cause thats just what mummies do!
Be sure that hubby allows you the time to have a shower, and a cup of coffee everyday
With sleep times , it was easier to keep the elder child up for a bit longer than get the newborn down, but if she was over it id just feed the baby to sleep and sleep too
I have found if I leave my big girl up a bit longer she sleeps for longer!!

jaycee wrote: Yeah - I figured out pretty early on that no matter how hard it was to get up in the morning, it got up and had a shower before DH went to work. That way, no matter how crap the day got, I was up, showered, dressed and had breakfast. For me that was very important, bit that is just me

I agree with this, for me it felt like I had accomplished something!

Slow cookers are great and during winter were very handy. Mornings tended to be an easier time to do things like prep dinner, so using a slow cooker was great. And again, having the smell of dinner cooking already, was a reminder that I had achieved something else that day!

In regards to naps, I found that it was easier (and probably more familiar for them) to keep my older kids in their routines as much as I could. I found my newborns seemed to change their sleep patterns every other day anyway, lol.