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Snappy 
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 Topic: :( i dont want to go back to work...
Posted: 08 June 2008 at 4:51pm |
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I have just 6 weeks left until i am due to go back to work, and its causing me so much grief just thinking about it.
I cant stay at home full time as we will be short $200 a week (and thats including WFF and living on a budget) we can afford it if i work part time (Im thinking school hours so janaya doesnt have to be in after school care) and im sure work will be flexible - but even thinking about that makes me cringe, as Jackson will be in care.
To make things even worse - the childcare i have jacksons name down at (have had him on it since i was 8 weeks pregnant!) dont have a placing for him till august, im due back 14 july!!!! Ad everyone in wellington seems to have at least 3 month waiting list.
DH is due about $3000 back from ird but we have no idea when ird will be sending the tax return - could be the end of july. anyway, i asked DH if we could use it to live off and i stay at home another 3 months but DH thinks we will be "wasting" the money if i spent it all on staying at home.
Im due a $2500 bonus 1st september but thats, far too late.
DH isnt really being too understanding - he wants me to give jackson breastmilk till hes at least 6 months old (i will have to manually express milk at work - but that will be easy according to DH!!!
Im thinking about approaching work about working from home. My boss is connected up to our systems from her home computer and works from home sometimes. i dont see why i cant either - apart from the fact that ill need to make quite a few outbound calls and ill be getting inbound ones too.
i asked my boss when i was pregnant if she'd like me to work from home and she sort of laughed it off, and said "i can just see you getting postnatal depression".
so im very scared about putting it to her seriously.
i know there must be someone on this forum that didnt want to go back to work and came up with a solution... anyone got any ideas??
and does anyone have a clever way of approaching my boss about it? im not a very strong person so i would probably cave if i went in to talk to her about it..
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Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz.
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my4beauties
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 5:10pm |
 kaiz231 wrote:
DH is due about $3000 back from ird but we have no idea when ird will be sending the tax return - could be the end of july. anyway, i asked DH if we could use it to live off and i stay at home another 3 months but DH thinks we will be "wasting" the money if i spent it all on staying at home.
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Sorry hun, I've been lucky enough to be a SAHM since having children, but wanted to say though, that you using the above amount to live off while you stay at home for an extra 3 months is not "wasting" your money. You will be at home with your children, and you can't say that that is wasting money. It's a priceless thing to be able to do, spend time nurturing/caring for your children. Also, isn't it a "waste" of money, going back to work, just for someone else to be looking after your child, and you missing out on doing that yourself, when you have the money there for you to do it?
I feel your heartache over it. There is no way I'd want to leave my young child/baby to go back into the work force.
Hope others on here have some ideas for ya.
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My babies: R (9),G (7), J (5) 
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lizzle
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 5:27pm |
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i would write a propasal about how it will "save" them money by you working from home. Outline things such as you needing to take time off to express (which i think is a requirement not a privilegde), taking time to get vacinations and health checks done, not to mention being able to sta home and work if either child is sick. also outline the expenses you would incur - computer set up, internet access, etc. Write it all down.
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kebakat
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 5:57pm |
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If you think your work might possibly let you work from home. You could approach them about working from home some of the time. Like 2-3 days at work, 2-3 days at home.
It's a nice compromise for everyone if all is willing. You could spend more time at home yet still bring in income and your work may be happy with that type of arrangment knowing they would see you on a regular basis.
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myfullhouse
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 7:11pm |
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Not to put a dampener on your thoughts about working from home but I suggest you think about it very carefully first. My DH has been very supportive and didn't really want me to go back to work but I had trouble adjusting to the big change in my life so I started working from home (just doing non-urgent/semi-urgent projects on apart time basis) when Jack was about 3mths. I had real trouble coping with doing both. Jack was not a very good sleeper, partly my fault as I didn't understand much about his sleep patterns etc etc, and I found that I was working every minute he was asleep which didn't allow me much time to do anything else. I even started to feel annoyed towards him when he woke and I hadn't quite finished something.
Everyone is different and every baby is different. Mum's work successfully from home, it just didn't suit me and I finally finished this week (although I am staying on at work on a casual basis and can work when I want! - glutton for punishment!). I just suggest that you think carefully about whether it will work for you, your baby and your family.
One possibility is that you may be able to work from home and have a nanny come in so Jackson is home with you. Not sure how much this would cost compared to daycare but may be an option for you.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
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Bobbie
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 8:42pm |
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When does the new Flexi-hours bill come in? is it first June or first July?
When it does my understanding is if you ask your employer about working from home they do have to reasonably consider it and give you reasons why you can't (if it won't work).
Not suggesting you be confrontational about it but just to let you know that if you time it right you will have that on your side.
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LittleBug
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 9:04pm |
I don't have any advice to offer... just that I know how you feel. I am going back to fulltime study in 5 or 6 weeks. Chloe is booked in at childcare but most of them keep saying I will be lucky to even get a placing this year, so I have no idea what's going to happen there. And I'm just starting to really enjoy being at home with her, and now we will have to be uprooted and learn a new way of life. I wish that I could finish the last semester of my degree next year, but the degree structure is changing so this is the last year that I can do it.  I'm going to hate leaving her with someone else all day, I feel like I am going to miss all the milestones and that I won't know what she's like since I won't see her all day and it bugs me that someone else will be helping her to form all of her habits.
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Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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busymum
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Posted: 08 June 2008 at 9:26pm |
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Another thing is that you may need to cost up different forms of care for your DH. Obviously it's something you need to decide on together. A lot of mums find that going back to work is not all that economical once care is factored into it.
I hope you find a way through! Can you get a boarder?
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Snappy
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 10:58am |
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thank you all for your advice.
Italiah - i know, my DH has become "concerned" about our debt and is eager to start paying off his student loans. he would rather the kids have more money than for me to be at home.
also a good point about getting a nanny in during the day for a few hours to help me out. my job is the kind of job that will need me to be working 9-5pm. even if i get a trainee or a uni student - it would still be more cost effective than having jackson in care.
ive worked out we will be $70 better off if i work full time. we will be short $70 if i work part time, and $200 short if i dont work at all (thats considering the costs of childcare and transport etc)
littlebug - with my first child i had to go back to uni when she was just 6 weeks old. i actually took her in with me (public transport and an hours bus ride!) in the end i had to put the study on hold and went back to work (another big mistake!) i did manage to complete another 2 years of my degree by moving in with my parents.. it was hard work! isnt it horrible :(
today im going to email my boss and ask her about working from home. wish me luck!!!!
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emz
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 11:08am |
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Well the way I see it, if you used the 3k your DH will be getting to live off for another 3 months and then decide you want to go back to work, then you get that 2.5k bonus and his is pretty much paid back. If you decide you don't want to go back to work, then you could use the 2.5k to pay off excess bills which will hopefully cover close to the $70 a week you'll miss out on.
I went out and got a part-time job in the evenings as that's the only way we could work it, it's definitely below what I'm trained to do and the pay isn't great, but it helps and we don't have to pay for childcare. Is that a possibility?
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 11:09am |
 That really sucks. I know exactly where you're coming from, I went back to work when Michaela was 5mo and I hated it (still do).
I’d definitely write a proposal. In fact write too. Write one for your husband about the advantages of staying at home longer and write one for your boss about the advantages of you working from home part time. Then you have both bases covered. As someone said previously with the new flexible working hours bill your boss needs to consider your proposal and has to have pretty valid reasons for you not to work from home.
I'd also run the sums again, take into account that you'll likely lose WFF payments once you start working, include cost of childcare, transport, workday lunches, office clothing, makeup, haircuts etc (everything you need to look professional which you don’t need as a sahm) then have a look at it compared to your wage and see how much (or how little) is leftover. Is your child currently in cloth? You may find it easier to move to disposables once you’re working so there’s another $30 a week to add to expenses and it’s good to have formula available in case you’ve not expressed enough. If your child is on formula part time you could be spending about $10 per week on that.
When time was looming for me to return to work we figured we’d only be getting about $100 per week left over from my DH’s pay if we both worked and Michaela went to childcare and the emotional cost for us having her raised by someone else was too high so DH left his job. This wasn’t ideal for me as it still meant I missed out on time with Michaela but it has worked out really well for us. DH now works in the evening and actually earns more working part time than he did working full time during the day.
Regarding expressing at work some women manage ok but I couldn’t. It’s not easy. It’s hard to encourage let down in a sterile office first aid room. I tried everything: warm room, music, photos of Michaela etc and everyday I expressed less and less. I even spent a small fortune trying different breast pumps and saw a lactation consultant. There was nothing wrong with my milk supply by the time I got home I’d be so sore and so engorged I could just about rest my chin on my breast on the way home. I’d feed Michaela as soon as I got home and express a bottle and a half while feeding there was so much milk, I just couldn’t express at work  It was heartbreaking because Michaela needed to be BF’d until at least 12 months but in the end I had to put her on formula during the day but continued BFing when I was at home.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Snappy
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 12:10pm |
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My DH works shift work so i need to really be working my hours around the kids, unless of course he leaves and takes care of the kids while i work, and he work nights.. but I dont think he'd like that!
thanks Mrs Mojo, I hadnt even thought of the letdown etc. i didnt expect it would be very easy which was one of my "debates' with DH about the need for me to really stay at home if i am to feed him breastmilk.
Well, i spent half an hour emailing my boss.. told her the truth and said im really stressed out, and wondered if it was a possibilty i work from home. I got an email straight back (expecting it to be a big fat NO, as she wouldnt be saying yes that quickly!) and she said "dont stress, lets meet for a coffee to chat about it - ive lost another co-ordinator this month argghhh!) so yay!!!!!!! at least she didnt bum me out by saying no straight away.
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Mummy to two beauties... Formerly Kaiz.
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LittleBug
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 1:32pm |
Hopefully your boss will be openminded about it and really consider what you are asking!! Your hubby too. It will be really hard work trying to keep breastfeeding up if you are working heaps!
There is a lot to consider when you factor in all the costs and childcare availability and breastfeeding and so on.
Don't get stressed out though, things will fall into place! Just take it one day at a time and it will work out.
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Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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aqua36
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 3:08pm |
I really know how you are feeling also. I'm going back on 21 July and have to go back fulltime or resign. Like you we are short approx $200 a week and are almost through the money we saved so I could have a year off. As the Deputy Principal of a large intermediate school there is no way I can go part time which is a sooo annoying. We're going to give it six months fulltime then relook at our situation and hopefully there may some way to resign as DP and go part time teaching.
As much as I don't want to leave my baby I know that if I don't work we wouldn't be able to give her the life we want to give her eg doing swimming lessons, going to places liek the zoo etc. The stress of having no money a toll on our relationship also (though I'm sure the stress of working will be just as bad).
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susieq
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 3:09pm |
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What intermediate are you from
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aqua36
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Posted: 09 June 2008 at 4:41pm |
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Morrinsville
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Snappy
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Posted: 10 June 2008 at 11:47am |
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I did a budget last night and did 5 scenarios
me and dh working full time = (-$33) short
me working part time - (-$2) short
me working part time from home (+$94) left over
me working full time from home (+166) left over
not working at all (-$125) short
How on earth does THAT work? if we both go and work our butts off we dont have enough to live, but if i work part time we are not so short?
! ive showed DH and he just cant believe it! so if i cant work from home we are going to be short anyway.
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MrsMojo
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Posted: 10 June 2008 at 11:51am |
Totally not surprised, that's what we found too. Working for families is actually quite good if you take advantage of it (although we no longer qualify).
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2bmumof3
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Posted: 10 June 2008 at 5:46pm |
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I went back to work when my first was 6 months. In the couple of months leading up to this I started getting really quite nauscious when I thought about it, hating the idea. Anyway, I did go back bout changed from full time to 9am - 3pm. Even that ended up being too much for me to take (not the work or hours as they were perfect and company amazing to work for), I got really jealous hearing someone else tell me what my son got up to that day. So after 2 weeks back I handed in my notice giving 10 weeks (they had someone due away on holiday so offered cover for that period) and never looked back. Yes, we definately lost alot of money and many comprimises had to be made on how we lived but I was lucky enough to have a very supportive hubby.
There is no way you're wasting that $3000 by using it to live on. You would have been told many times I'm sure that the years fly by, and you can never get back these years. Even another couple of months at home will be a blessing.
In regards to how to aproach your boss, maybe be very organised and have a formal document written up so she can see it's well thought out and will work. Good luck !!
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 10 June 2008 at 9:28pm |
The new flexi work thing has come into place now so you shoudl be able to negociate(sp?) working from home. Def put it into writting like Liz said and put it to your boss.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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:( i dont want to go back to work...
