| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
lizzle 
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 8346
|
 Post Options
 Thanks(0)
 Quote  Reply
 Topic: bullies
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 7:53am |
|
How do you teach your child to deal with bullies?
A few days ago Dad took us all out for tea at the cossie club (splashing out I know!) and there was a bouncy castle. jake, as usual, picked up a ton of kids and was playing nicely. Then some kid came up to him and pushed him over. When Jake stood up, the kid was yelling in his face. Jake burst into tears (which is weird for him) and ran over. He said "that boy was mean to me"....now comes the hard part. The mother-bear in me wanted to say "push him back", but I thought that wasn't a good idea. So i told him to come and sit down for a while. Jake cried harder cause he wanted to have fun and while he sobbed he said something about being a "good boy" which broke my heart. Poor boy thought he was being punished. So i let him go back and kept an eye on him, but by that stage bully-boy had left so it was okay.
so my question is, when your child is clearly in the right and being "picked on", how do you teach them how to deal with it?
|
 |
|
Sponsored Links
|
|
|
MissAngel
Senior Member
Joined: 10 January 2008
Location: Rangiora
Points: 3322
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 7:59am |
|
Ohh heres one I havent thought about before! First off, poor wee Jake. Bullies are nasty.
When I was a kid I was taught to stick up for myself - which resulted in a few fights at school, but I dunno,.. I'd be inclined to tell him to stick up for himself tbh - that's what I'll be doing with Thomas. I remember getting bullied at school one day and my mum coming down and going mental at the other kid lol.. Thats so illegal now too :P
|
Alex, Thomas and Lily 
|
|
Jay_R
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Onehunga, Auckland
Points: 1582
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:34am |
Oh, poor wee Jake  I totally feel for you - seeing your wee one unhappy because of situations like that is the worst feeling ever.
I personally would have been inclined to go over to the other child with Jake and tell him to play nicely. Sometimes a word from someone who is not their mum is all it takes to get them back in line. Especially at this age. But them, I'm a bit OTT when it comes to Joshua LOL 
Give him a big hug from us 
And one for mummy too
|
|
caraMel
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 5342
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:41am |
|
Poor Jake, that is so sad!
Ella had a girl who took a dislike to her at kindy.
She is generally happy to play with anyone, but this girl apparently didn't like sharing 'her' friends with Ella.
She would block Ella from playing on the playground and push her out of the family corner and say mean things to her.
Ella had some really sad days, she couldn't understand why this girl wasn't her friend and why she couldn't play with them.
I told Ella that she should tell the other girl that she was being mean and to go and get a teacher if she still didn't let her play. I also used the mean behaviour as an example of what we don't want to be like and talked to her about how I only want to play with people who are nice to me and how I always try to be nice to them.
I also made a point of introducing myself to the little girl as Ella's mummy and being really nice to her. Complimenting her on her clothes, drawings, etc, in the hope that it would show her we were nice people.
Every day I would say hi and ask her how she was.
It seemed to fizzle out after that and Ella found a new friend to play with.
|
Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
|
|
MrsMojo
Senior Member
Joined: 18 March 2008
Location: Wellington
Points: 8202
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:46am |
Michaela was bullied the other day at a playground and I told the little girl off (while her parents sat a few metres away and didn't bat an eyelid ) but then Michaela's still little and always under my watchful eye, there will come a time when she's at kindy or school and may have to deal with bullies herself and at that stage I guess I'll be telling her to go and tell a teacher so they can have words with the bully.
I do think that an adult needs to step in and tell the child that the behaviour is not acceptable if his/her parents haven't already.
LOL at your mum Alex. My sister was bullied at school too and one day my dad got her to point out the little boy who was bullying her he then went over to him and told him that he was my sisters father and that he heard my sis was being bullied and would this boy mind keeping an eye out for her and finding out who the bully is because he wanted to rip off the bullies ears and feed them to our dog. He never accused the little boy but it did the trick, the kid was too frightened to bully my sis anymore. I suppose that's not allowed nowadays either.
|
|
|
|
lovingmummyhood
Senior Member
Joined: 09 February 2007
Location: Auckland
Points: 1915
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 8:58am |
Oh poor Jake! That's a hard one. Being a kid is so tough. This is something I think about often (being a teacher and all ) and basically yes, kids need to tell an adult and have an adult speak to the bully and sort the problem. As kids get older, I think its harder because then they can get turned on for being a nark. There is not really a lot they can do themselves to fix the problem and I've seen different things work in different situations. Yes, standing up to the bully usually sorts it because its not the reaction they were expecting. Its very frustrating when the parents of the bully don't seem to care, but I bet if the tables were turned they'd be up in arms
CaraMel - great idea!! Well done
Lol MrsMojo - I love it!! Ha ha. How clever of your Dad!! Approaching bullies is not allowed and we've had to trespass parents from school because of this kind of thing, but I think what your Dad did would be ok... 
for you and Jake. Its hard.
|
|
|
|
mummy_becks
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 14931
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:13am |
Aww poor Jake as he is such a happy boy.
It is such a hard think when it is a one off thing and you won't see the people again.
As the others said when it happens at pre school/kindy/school etc telling an adult they trust is the best way to go.
|
|
I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
|
|
nikkitheknitter
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Westie
Points: 7556
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 07 October 2008 at 9:49am |
You just have to teach them to verbalise.
"I don't like that" is the common one taught at ECE centres and works pretty well.
Maybe you could go and join in for a few minutes and model how nice play is in front of the other kid.
I'm hoping he isn't really a bully and it was just a one off. 
Edited by nicelis
|
|
EnJsmum
Newbie
Joined: 26 February 2008
Location: Featherston
Points: 19
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 08 October 2008 at 8:26pm |
 MrsMojo wrote:
My sister was bullied at school too and one day my dad got her to point out the little boy who was bullying her he then went over to him and told him that he was my sisters father and that he heard my sis was being bullied and would this boy mind keeping an eye out for her and finding out who the bully is because he wanted to rip off the bullies ears and feed them to our dog. He never accused the little boy but it did the trick, the kid was too frightened to bully my sis anymore.
|
And he became one of my best friends! he was alway terrified of dad though, we'd have to go to another friends house to meet up, Ben was so scared he'd run into Dad again!
Seriously though, my daughter was bullied badly... I have taught her to try to use her words first (when she was young just "no! nice touches" now she trys reason) but she knows if that doesn't work to tell me. I'd talk to the kid first and then the parents if that doesn't work.
Some times all I can do is tell her to avoid the kids, not all people ha e the same standard of behaviour for their kids and she has to learn that sometimes you need to walk away.
|
|
sweetpea
Senior Member
Joined: 14 July 2008
Location: Invercargill
Points: 1155
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 09 October 2008 at 2:04pm |
|
That is such a hard thing to deal with there is so much advice on this topic out there. I guess in life you were either the bully or you were bullied me i was the latter one and to be honest i think it effects you for the rest of your life. How to deal with it well thats hard too the best advice i can think of is to get the child who is being bullied to tell them to stop if that doesn't work then maybe find an adult. I found walking away worked well too so maybe you can use that too. However kidsdon't really connect cause and effect until they are much older so reason doesn't really work especially if they don't understand what they have done.
Gosh i am rambling hope there is something worthwhile in that.
|
|
MrsMojo
Senior Member
Joined: 18 March 2008
Location: Wellington
Points: 8202
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 09 October 2008 at 2:26pm |
sweetpea wrote:
I guess in life you were either the bully or you were bullied |
I really hope that's not true sweetpea, because I wasn't bullied
|
|
|
|
sweetpea
Senior Member
Joined: 14 July 2008
Location: Invercargill
Points: 1155
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 09 October 2008 at 3:40pm |
|
Mrsmojo you mst be one of the few who were never bullied at some stage in their life.
Rember the bulling can happen at any age.
I do think though that as we get older we develop better staregies to deal with it and learn to voice our opion more something i never had a problem with maybe that was why i was picked on so much at school. People don't like being told they are wrong or what you think of them.
|
|
caitlynsmygirl
Senior Member
Joined: 01 January 1900
Points: 8777
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 09 October 2008 at 9:32pm |
|
I have never been bullied either, nor was i ever the bully .
|
|
|
|
sweetpea
Senior Member
Joined: 14 July 2008
Location: Invercargill
Points: 1155
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 10 October 2008 at 1:33pm |
|
Hmm maybe not as many people have been affected by this as i thought
|
|
bullies
