Feel like I am being stalked

Ok. So last year when Ethan began Kindy I met a few Mums there, which was really nice.

Anyhoo, Ethan really got along with one child in particular. So we started swapping children so we could each have a break. This was going fine until late last year (Ethan started in Term 3 last year) Since then I generally get 5-10 phone calls PER DAY of her wanting to chat. I'm ok with chatting, but the phone calls are generally one sided i.e. her talking about herself and me not being able to get a word in edgewise.

It's got to the point that I am too scared to answer the phone in case it is her. She will also ring, the answering machine will pick up the call, but she will hang up and not leave a message. One day this happened 17 times in the space of a couple of hours. She sometimes just drops in "in the neighbourhood style" which sometimes is really inconvenient. And not helping matters, her child is bit of a bully towards Ethan. eg they are on trampoline but her child keeps jumping ON TOP of Ethan and wont get off when he asks this child to. And he asks again and again and this child thinks its funny, so ethan ends up hitting this child and then the tears start. The mum doesn't seem to care at all....

We now have caller id so I know when DH or anyone else is calling. I understand that she is a solo mum, and doesn't have many friends, but she is smothering me....

How do I politely get her to back off a bit and give me some space. I very rarely answer the phone if it is her cos I end up on the phone for hours, and if I need to go she just keeps on talking. And does the whole "oh...sorry" like I am being rude to her. I dont want to be mean or rude to her.

HELP!! Suggestions/thoughts appreciated!

Hmmm...tough one!!

Do you care if she hates you for telling her to back off? I mean just politely tell her that you have sooo much to do during the day that you hardly have time to sit down ....so could she please only phone around this time so that we can relax and have a chat.

I dont know what else to say really, never came across people like her, so not sure what could be the answer??

But it does seem like stalking doesnt it??

Blah - what an annoying predicament!

You know, if you aren't getting a lot out of the relationship, and Ethan is definitley not with the bullying, it might not be so bad if she does get the pip and stop contacting you.

Start saying you are on your way out when she drops round, and actually go out somewhere as it will be less annoying leaving the home than having her there!

ignore her problem with you getting off the phone, she is the one with the problem, not you, you sound just lovely!

I would suggest that the reason she doesn't have many friends is not because she is a solo mum, but because she is a bit nuts!

Thanks Roksana, i was a bit worried I sounded mean, but life is to short to waste on people like that!

It sounds like you need to talk to her and tell her to back off Bee. She may or may not handle that very well, but you can't carry on as you are now! It's very strange

So you like her, as a friend and a person? Be really honest with yourself, and if the answers are no, perhaps you will need to 'break up' with her. I'm sure it will be really difficult, but imagine life would her bugging you, or being afraid to answer the phone. You must be under quite a bit of stress, and no doubt you're blodd pressure is going up every time the phone rings!

I think I will try to ask her to back off.. I haven't returned her phone call from yesterday, and to be frank, I can't be bothered calling her back...

The only thing is, if the "break up" becomes messy, I will still have to see her everyday at kindy . Have been talking to DH over the past couple of days as I am getting really worn out from it all and he told me that if she calls and he answers, he is going to tell her I am out, even if I am sitting on the couch next to him. Hopefully she will get the drift.... If not, I'll put a timer on for each call for 5 mins, then when time is up, I've got to go to an "appointment"....

It just sucks...

Miss: I agree she sounds rather nuts!!
Ginger: No, I dont really like her at all.... I guess when this whole child swap thing started I was just trying to be helpful to a solo mum! But now it is just way too much effort!!

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. Part of me was wondering if it was just me being silly... But then again, you have that voice in your head that says "hang on......"

My MIL was telling me the other how she was in the same situation when my partner was going to playcenter she would ring all the time and come over unannounced and one day it just got to her my MIL was outside watering her garden and this lady came over obviously MIl was annoyed and squirted her with the hose and told her P*ss off MIL as never seen her since.

I reckon just explain that your to busy to answer her calls all the time and to just drop what your doing when she turns up maybe just say your on your way out and people are waiting for you then she might get that you actually do other stuff.

If you want to remain somewhat friendly to make kindy easier you could try winding it down a bit. When she calls, don't answer them all, just one or 2 calls, talk for a few minutes and then say you have to go and do something (eg, dinner, stop Ethan from doing something) and be forceful and hang up. Don't let her get a word in "I have to go now, "dinners boiling over", see you at kindy" and hang up.

If you'd rather just totally be free of her just tell her outright that you are finding all the phonecalls and visits a little overwhelming and you simply do not have the time for that.

Good luck - what a horrible situation to be in.

I think backing off slowly would wor kjsut don't return phone call's ingnore as amny as you can and she will get sick of trying and move on to someone else.  Scence you still have to see her you don't want it to get to bitchy, but if she does not get the message then you need to tell her straight to leave you alone.