what do you want in a Midwife?

So I've been thinking heaps about my career choice, and thought I would ask all of you lovely (and experienced) mummies what you would like in a midwife? Because I want to be a good one.

So... what made you choose your midwife?
What do you think is important in being a midwife?
What did you like/dislike about yours?

Basically what qualities do you think makes a good one?

Thanks for any feedback

My midwife was awesome, and I'm going to catch up with her sometime to ask her lots of questions. But it would be interesting to see what other mums think.

I (initially) choose my MW because my Dr. suggested her.

I think that for me (so far) the most important things have been –

Availability (although in saying that I've not needed to contact her at odd times, but I know she'd be OK with it.

Understandability (is that a word? LOL) - explaining things in a manner which suited me and DH - me more technical, DH more simply.

Flexibility - I've changed my mind since first meeting her about how I'd like this all to go - when we first meet I was all about the epidural, now I'm doing hypnobirthing. She's really gone with the flow.

Toughness - I know she'll be tough with me when it matters, which is good as I can be stroppy and I need someone to 'rein me in' sometimes. I know she'll be able to do this.

And finally Advocacy - I feel that she'll be able to advocate for me (and DH) if I am not able to communicate my feelings/wishes. She's done a good job of getting to know me and I know she'll 'stick up' for me if I need it.

Let’s see what I have to say AFTER the birth….

what made you choose your midwife?
Both MWs (I had different one for Daniel and Jared) were both from friends recommendations that I saw them initially and then it was just a personality thing, how easy they were to be around really.


What do you think is important in being a midwife?
- being approachable and easy to talk to
- being able to express your worries and have them taken seriously and not just brushed off
- not be a pushy bitch basically

I could go on forever on that one..


What did you like/dislike about yours?
I loved my first mw, she had a good sense of humour, she was a laid back type but took seriously every concern I had and did her very best at making me feel better about the ones I had. She didn't get all uptight over anything I ever said. She was flexible about anything I wanted or didnt want to do, she never pushed me on any issue (like BF for example).

My 2nd MW, I was really happy with her up until my 20 week scan. She did some little extra research on me that my first didn't do but it wasn't really necessary just nice. But the things I didn't like was that it seemed her shifts at hospital were more important than I was. That really peeved me off. Some of her comments felt like a major guilt trip to me and to DH when we were faced with the decision of whether to terminate at 20+ weeks or not. She left my induction up to the hospital staff so I felt like I had been ditched and that peeved me off. The hospital staff were fantastic on induction day but I felt like it should have been my MW there with me just like she would have been had it been an induction at full term. I didn't feel like I could express that opinion either which is not good IMO. But after all that process one thing I did like was that she did front up and ask us about the whole thing and helped us make a complaint to the hospital.

eta: I'm very firmly of the opinion that any medical professional should present you with all the information to help you make a decision but should not express their personal opinion on the matter to try and sway you. This is what my MW appeared to lack.

Edited by kebakat

I think that the things that you "think" can change during your pregnancy, and certainly my list is different for when we have #2.

My 1st mw was quite staunch, not pushy, but not very warm and friendly. She was very knowledgable and very onto it, but sometimes came across as a little cold. DH liked her "matter of fact"-ness, and we both felt that she was a very good advocate for us, and when there were issues with Oli's heartrate during labour, she was keen to not muck around too much, but also made us feel comfortable when people around us were starting to panic a bit.

I think next time I would like someone a bit "warmer"..someone who will give me a hug, and be a bit more supportive with my breastfeeding challenges and be more aware of PND issues also.

 

I absolutely adored my midwife. She's moving away so I won't be able to have her for number 2 which I'm really sad about.

What I loved about her? Like nzpiper I wanted someone who had had babies of her own, who had a range of experience to bring. She's vastly experienced, and has that warmth Sam mentioned - she's a very cuddly person iygwim. She has a wonderful sense of humour but is serious and down to earth when she needs to be. She goes into bat for her mums - she's a fearsome sight to behold when she goes on the warpath!

I asked her about her philosophy when I first met her and she was straight up and said to be perfectly honest she is a big fan of natural childbirth and parenting, but respects women's decisions no matter what, and that worked out well for me. She didn't bat an eyelid when I said I needed the epidural.

She can be a little disorganised and occasionally lost the odd bit of paper, but she warned me about that at the very beginning and I can be a bit scatter brained myself so it didn't bother me

kebakat wrote: - not be a pushy bitch basically

I agree with this, but wanted to add that sometimes it's important for a midwife to be a pushy bitch on your behalf, whether that's to hospital staff (OBs/nurses/hospital mw) or your mother or even DH

Gosh I didnt know where to start. I didnt understand the difference between Independent and Hospital midwives and felt like no one really wanted to explain it to me!

I was sent out a list of midwives to choose one. Great...a list of names and numbers....I may as well have pinned it on the wall and thrown a dart at it.

When I rang the maternity hospital with yet more questions the receptionist (who was lovely and very helpful) told me she had mentioned me to one of the MWs there and she was keen to take me on.
So..feeling very special I came for my first appointment.

LOL, I asked her why she had been keen to take me on and her reply was, well I was available at the time you are due. Deflated.
I found her dull and mechanical. Perfectly civil but without any spark or interest in me beyond the bump...IYKWIM.

While waiting for my 2nd appointment with her (decided maybe I was grumpy and hormonal the first time and would give her a chance). I spotted another MW breezing in the door and chatting and smiling with people including the girl waiting next to me. I asked her who she was and she said her name was Claire Eyes (LOL yes really!!!).

After my appointment I really couldnt cope with my MW anymore...I felt like a cardboard cutout and she kept calling me the wrong name....I had visions of me thumping her during labour at this point.

Anyway, I switched to Claire and she was sooo awesome. I cried my heart out after Nathan was born and we had our last appointment together..she was like a mum to me. Warm and inclusive with DP and yet strong enough to calm me when I wasn't calm at all. Amazing woman!

Sadly I have now moved so if I do manage to get PG Claire won't be my MW.

Sorry for the long post!! I think what I would have liked in the first place is more information than a list of names and phone numbers...some sort of introduction of the MWs...who are they, do they have kids etc etc, to help me choose.

I won't be able to have the same midwife if we have another child (moved locations) - but I think second time around I will be looking for:

- someone who doesn't take on too many ladies,
- someone who works with backups which I can meet so I know who to expect.
- someone who can help me avoid an induction next time around (if possible).
- someone who can help with pain management, i.e. suggestion different positions to aid labour, use of water....etc

As lots of others have said a midwife should be available, approachable, experienced (i.e. has kids so can relate), knowledgeable.

My midwife was great - the hospital staff we're keen to put me on the drip to speed my labour up (which could increase the chance of further interventions) - but my midwife talked them out of it as she knew I wanted a nautral labour - I felt as if I was in safe hands!

I loved my MW I had (managed to get her for both my boys). She like Kebakat (as it was the same woman), very laidback but when something did go wrong (I got pre eclampsia) she made sure I was seen to asap.

My number one thing for a MW is you must of had children yourself. I don't get how someone can be helping you through it all and saying things when they haven't been there - I really hated that when I had a student MW who had never had children was telling me what to do.

Thanks for the feedback, there are heaps of really good points here. Think I might print them off so I can refer back to them later on, when it matters

Any other advice appreciated! I agree with everything, so far, and the things people liked are the same things that I liked about my own midwife. It's nice to know that there are some consistent opinions so that I can try and do the right thing by everyone. If that makes sense.

So... what made you choose your midwife?

she got recommended to me and so far is brilliant..pat of what i need is someone who can reassure me while not pandering to every little ache and pain i have:) my first mw fobbed me off a lot.

What do you think is important in being a midwife?

re above but caring and kind and sensitive and someone who listens

What did you like/dislike about yours?

like: how she listens and isnt rushed(well she is but you dont sense it) and how she discusses options and offers suggestions and how she is able to answer txts:)

didnt like about last one:until i got sick i was last in the queue so got fobbed off a lot and everything felt rushed..though her care when i got sick was brilliant.

Basically what qualities do you think makes a good one?

see above but caring, sensitive and can react when necessary and who listens.

oh and my first mw had millions of clients and that was mostly why her care in the beginning sucked. so important that they dont take on too much..