When babysitters bring boyfriends...

 We rarely go out without the Snotmonster -- not because we're the kind of people who can't bear to leave their child, but because it is SO DARN HARD to find a babysitter. This Friday, we've got tickets to see Fiddler on the Roof (hooray!) and have finally booked DH's 20-year-old cousin to babysit.

Now, I used to babysit, back in the day, and besides the fact that I only got paid, like, $4 an hour, I was NEVER allowed to bring my boyfriend along, or have him drop in, or whatever. And when I was younger and had a babysitter, if they ever brought their boyfriend along or even had him show up when we kids were put to bed, they weren't asked to come back.

Last time DH's cousin babysat for us, she showed up with her boyfriend in tow. I hadn't specified whether she could or couldn't bring him, and she hadn't asked. He seems like a perfectly nice kid, but I don't know him from Adam, so I was a little bit weirded out. Mostly because I remember what I was like at that age, and if I had been allowed to bring my boyfriend along on a babysitting job, I don't think my mind would have been on the kids.

So I'm sure she will turn up with the boyfriend this Friday, and I'll feel weird again, but we're desperate so will just try not to think about it and hope for the best (that the house doesn't burn down, that the baby gets fed and bathed and isn't allowed to watch TV, that the dog doesn't run away, that they don't have sex on my couch or -- yuck -- in my bed).

So do you allow your babysitters to bring their boyfriends along on the job? If not, how do you tell them it's not acceptable?

I havn't been in that situation as yet either, so far we have only had one person outside of the family look after the girls and that was 1 time for a family funeral. I have a few "issues" about having the kids looked after 'even by family' but this is something that I have to work on, but I would be very uncomfortable if put in your situation Katherine, not knowing the boy & not being asked would really put me off. I did a lot of babysitting & nanny work in the past & it would never have crossed my mind to bring someone else into 'their' home while working. Maybe old fashioned but I think it will be something that I will be sticking to.
Good luck & enjoy your night out on Friday

Sorry, I haven't been in that situation as a parent yet either, but I hope this is even just a little bit reassuring to you!
My now hubby was often asked to babysit for his young cousin and often I'd come along. His Aunty and Uncle didn't know me very well at that stage and to be honest, I don't think it even occurred to either of us that my being there might be a bit worrying!
We never got up to anything there though. The most we did was snuggle in front of the TV. It was all about looking after his cousin and it felt a bit wrong to do anything in their house.
I agree with Paws though, if you think it will worry you while you're out maybe its worth just giving her a call to let her know? Good luck, and I hope you have a great time at Fiddler!!

I used to do a lot of babysitting, and still do every so often for the family I used to nanny for. And I'm 22, so pretty close to your 20 year old cousin lol.

I would have never brought my boyfriend along to babysit, it would have just felt rude!! And if I had considered it, I would have definately asked.

The boyfriend (now hubby) and I got engaged and he met the family I nannied for a few times (when I looked after them in our house, or when we popped in for something, or saw them on the street) and the kids looooved him. The parents actually offered that if I wanted him to come too for company that that was ok.. I think it helped that I looked after their kids lots and they trusted me, and that they'd met DH quite a few times.

So a couple of times, if he had nothing else to do, he'd come and keep me company. The kids loved him, but I did the settling to bed (it was night anyway so they were asleep for lots of it) and I always put the kids first. Oh, and by this time I think we were an old married couple, so it was just sitting watching TV counting the hours til the parents got home lol.

Anyway BASICALLY what all this is about, I would have never brought DH with me unless the parents mentioned it! And if I'd wanted to before, I would have definately asked.

Maybe you could ring her and say that you don't want to sound like some kind of nazi mother (lol!! yeah you could make a joke out of it - oh not that I'm saying you're a nazi mother AT ALL cos I'll be exactly the same) but you'd prefer it if just your cousin came this time, and that you're looking forward to getting to know her boyfriend some other time.

Hope it all works out for you, let us know what happens.

I havent used a babysitter yet and I think it will be a long time before I do. Will have to wait until my MIL comes and visits next year.

I do however think if I hire someone to babysit the kids that, that is what I am hiring them to do. Babysit the kids. That means their full attention to my kids. Not half attention while they pay attention to their boyfriend.

Do you take your hubby/boyfriend to work with you? No you dont. So it shouldnt happen in this case.

I would ask her to not bring him along. He can drop her off and then pick her up if she wants too. And I will pay her a bit extra for that luxery.

I am also one of these moms that most propably will have a nanny cam on if I hired a babysitter that is not part of the family. (and even with some family. )

I used to do a lot of babysitting as a teen and would have never considered bringing someone along!   No I wouldn't be cool with her boyfriend arriving.  But the main issue for me would be a safety issue (yes, I know it's soooo obvious I used to be a social worker!).  I wouldn't let someone I didn't know babysit my child.  So why would I want a stranger in the house helping to babysit her?  Taking them on someone else's recommendation (I'm assuming that she thinks he's a good guy, since she's fating him) isn't good enough for me.  Maybe you could mention to her that motherhood can make the best of us paranoid, and you'd be happier for the boyfriend to be there once you've had a chance to get to know him. 

I used to babysit in my teenage years. One family I sat for let me do as I please. So at times the BF came along and they didn't care. They also didn't care if I smoked (as they did) so long as it was where they smoked. I always let them know if the BF was coming along not just show up with him.

heres my 10 cents worth>

I used to babysit heaps & still do from time to time. I was also a nanny. When i was younger i would never dream of taking along a boyfriend I considered that I was working at a job (as i was getting paid) so treated it as such. Now that im older & married my husband sometimes comes along BUT the people children who i babysit are friends of both of ours & i still ask if its ok  if he comes its just a respect thing.

If your not comfortable with the BF regardless if its family or not then i would say so. Its only for a few hours at night for one night not the end of the world thats for sure.

Good luck & follow your intuition afterall this is YOUR child & you need to be confident that your child is safe otherwise you will not relax & enjoy your night.

I use to babysit and sometimes got a bit "spooked" by house noises...maybe the bf is there for support