same sex mummies to be

Hi girls,

Well bloods came back great - HCG was 134585! and P4 was 77, which is supposed to be nice and high :) So relieved now at least for a week till next bloods. It made such a difference so now I'll start looking for a MW...phew

On my other forum all the women are already talking about types of nappies, carriers, hangers....OMG it's so overwhelming as I'm just trying to get through each day and thinking about MW's. How are you girls doing with the whole planning for the baby thing? When I start to think about what we need to choose such as birthing options, birthing place, how maternity/parental leave works and what happens after that I get dizzy...it's so much to think about!! I wish there was a whole checklist of things you need to do and buy and a little book/diary you can enter things into - I might make one in the little spare time I have between crazy shift work and trying to sleep... do I sound a bit overwhelmed...just a little!



Good luck pepi for your baby's heart beat!! So is that not a scan you're having? Any reason why you;re not having scans?

So funny about your donor...but I totally agree everyone would be just thinking how cute and how cute those little babies/baby will be all dark and curly! So nice that the FA doctor was so nice.

Unfortunately without trying to sound like a "man hater" as I'm not...the female doctors I have dealt with are just so much more compassionate than the males who seem to have no bedside manner and no emotions. Koromiko I still find some of the stuff FA do very frustrating but trying so hard not to bring negative energy around this wonderful miracle we're trying to bring to this world.

Unfortunately even after the first major incident with that FA "specialist" where we said we DO NOT want to ever see him again they booked me with him AGAIN for a scan! This is the 3rd time so I had to call AGAIN and remind them. They easily book you with someone else and promise to change the notes...but I'm expecting this to happen again..hmmm.

Oh pepi yeah we both did blood tests etc but that's because we initially both wanted to know who's more or less fertile, just in case.

Lulu - are you still here? How are you coping with the new bubba?? Any stories on how you started planning these things? What have you guys decided on in terms of working / staying at home?

Pepi_bebe my partner had to do the HIV test too, it's ridiculous. Yeah, they did say part of it was so that if you got HIV from your partner you couldn't complain it was from the donor - but given they test the donor and have the quarantine period it's not really relevant. And the quarantine period is ridiculous too, given we'd already been trying at home, we should have just been able to sign a waiver.

Your doctor's fuss about the hair made me giggle. I'd love a curly haired baby, and when we were looking for a donor I used to eye up curly haired men.

We have The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth (Brill) which I think is an updated version and a bit more inclusive. I have to say I haven't looked at it since getting pregnant!

I hope that you got to hear a lovely heartbeat this afternoon :)

Toes_crossed, yay for a great result!

I probably wouldn't have thought much about nappies, carriers etc except that my partner's siblings have lots of baby stuff they don't need and want to get out of their houses so they have been dropping stuff off to us. It still feels a bit early to me! We didn't do much thinking about birthing options until an appointment with our midwife at about 18 weeks when she asked about a few things but we didn't go into much detail. Don't stress too much about it, once you do have a midwife she can guide you through a lot of it and maybe even given you a checklist or a little book!

We found the nurses at FA lovely. Our specialist was Dr Hutton and we found him quite insensitive and inappropriate at times. I wanted to change but we would have had to wait for someone else and I just wanted to get on with things. I need to get around to writing a letter to give them some feedback.

JPP, Thanks, good luck to you too :)

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Edited by koromiko

Oh my goodness JPP - that is seriously lovely that you came on and wrote that - and that your due date forum ladies are so sweet about Lulu's wife. Thanks Dnyen too!

AFM - we didn't hear the heart beat but we actually both feel fine about it. The midwife said that at that stage listening with a doppler is pretty hard to pick up the heart best as your uterus is so low in your pelvis and the thickest part is where the doppler has to 'listen' through. Also ...she seemed to have a rather old skool model of doppler lol, it had really bad feedback - in fact at one point it sounded like a English hunting horn! She said my heart beat down there was really loud and that's a good sign as that means there is a lot of increased blood down there.
We might try and see her again this coming Friday, or the one after, it just depends on when we can get back up to see her, as she works in the new area we are moving to North of Auckland. I'm not sure how I feel about going to listen for it this Fri as it will be the exact same day (in terms of gestation) that my miscarriage started last time.

ToesX - yippee for the great bloods result :-) About the scans, we are pretty alternative in our lifestyle etc and I have done quite a bit of research into the safety of scans. There's lots of info out there if you do research, and each to their own, but we have decided to not have scans unless we have to. That said, the midwife has suggested that we may like to have one at around 38 weeks just to check for any major issues, in case having a homebirth is not the best option - eg if the baby was going to be likely to need immediate hospital care at birth. So that makes good sense to me, do the scan when the baby is as old and as grown as can be (to avoid any possible negative effects of the ultrasound), but also to be sensible about using the technology - especially as we hope to homebirth. We're not anti-technology just keen on the least amount of intervention.
We know that the doppler is ultrasound as well, but not as full on as a scan and also we did it for the minimum amount of time and will only listen briefly next time to hear it, then not use it again unless needed at some point.

Look forward to hearing from you all during the week.

Jpp, Dneyn and AzzaNZ - thank you so much for your warm and wonderful words, they really help on this crazy wonderful journey towards becoming mums! ..and all the best with your little bundles too:)

Koromiko, haha I think I freaked out a little - reading my last post I laughing my head off, jeez these hormones really do some strange things to our minds... With you guys being so far along though it's so great people are helping you guys out already :)

Pepi, your comments about the scans were intriguing? I haven't even thought of scans being dangerous, I will do some more research - thanks. Also, hang in there, I understand this is a little scary for you being at the same time as your last MC...keep positive and confident that it will all be ok. Our thoughts are with you. I understand and feel for you as every week for me feels like another miracle.

So the last few days have been interesting to say the least: nausea kicked in horribly. During a night shift at about 4am I suddenly got the worst bout of indigestion and needed to throw up BADLY, unfortunately I wasn't anywhere near a bathroom but out and about working. I had to quietly throw up around the bushes in the dark while my colleague wasn't looking, he didn't realize until I couldn't handle trying to hide it anymore saying I had to find a bathroom and throw up immediately - luckily we got there in time (sorry TMI). It hit so badly that the following day I couldn't even go to work! Luckily the guys thought it was just a virus but I feel crap for taking the day off, especially since I've had a few off already due to the IUI and scans.

I realized it is going to be really hard trying to keep this quiet at work...but I really didn't want to say anything until 12 weeks :( The thing is I'm working with a new team since moving from Auckland. I work in a small town and they are all a little homophobic. Although they know I'm married to a woman the way they speak about other GLBTI is astonishing, it's like walking into the 1960's! So I know when I tell them I'm pregnant it's going to be gossip of the century...hmm.

We decided for now to go week by week. The shift work and not being close to the bathroom is proving to be challenging not to mention my uniform getting really tight. Although I know the baby is only pea-sized I'm wondering whether the squashing of the stomach and wearing heavy gear will affect the baby in any way?? Does anyone know much about this?

Ok off to cope with the dizziness and nausea, luckily I have 6 days off now so couch and DVD's here I come! Plus finding a midwife is top of the list!

Are any of you girls keeping up your fitness? Has anyone changed anything they have been doing before getting pregnant. I've been tempted to do a mini triathlon or at least wanting to go for a run but wonder if it's too intense? So far swimming has been my only form of exercise..

Koromiko that's so exciting feeling the kicks!! Yay for you :)

I've actually enjoyed the crazy Wellington weather as it's great for sleeping after night shift..being selfish I know! Starting to get very lucid dreams in between a bit of insomnia. Really need to get out to the pool and do some exercise to get the body physically more tired rather than just sick.

I agree - I totally forget the baby is not genetically linked to DW and always make comments on how the baby will look like both of us..haha. My mum used to say that when you're pregnant the baby will look like the person you stare at the most. So planning on staring at my DW lots..haha

We have found not many people ask after we say we got a clinic donor, although not too many know yet. We are planning on showing the full donor profile to my DW's parents when we get it as they are just awesome and will be fantastic grandparents. Wish mine were still around, it's quite sad knowing my mum is not going to experience the joys of being a nanna :( But DW's mum is amazing..she lost her mum just before her 2nd child was born and knows what it's like not to have your mum there - she is doing an amazing job being carefully supportive and loving.

How are you girls finding your families and DW/P's parents with all of this?

Koromiko biking would be really hard, especially paddling up the hill! I'm having to sell my motorbike now. I really thought I would last longer but the dizziness and bloated tummy on a sports bike is not a good mix..boo.

Pepi - so what scans and what types are you planning on having? Hope all is going well...

Have a great mid week girls!

Hi everyone,

Sadly I'm writing with bad news. We are losing our precious baby.

I had a small amount of pink / red blood at 10am yesterday morning, and freaked out as it was the exact same day of gestation (11w, 5d) as my last MC started. I rung my former MW as my wife was about to see her for accupuncture and asked if she could listen for baby's heartbeat (as it was a week since my new midwife, who is 1 hour's drive away, had listened for the heartbeat). She agreed but we didn't hear it, she said that was still normal, but to go to the hospital and request an emergency scan. We really thought it over, as we didn't want to have scans, but decided to do it.

Went to Akld Hosp, and had a bunch of lovely doctors who did an examination and said my cervix was all good, defintely still closed, but with some surface cells that had bled. But we still decided to go ahead with the US, just to really set our minds at rest, we nearly didn't as I felt happy with the news about my cervix and the reason for the slight bleed. Had the scan at 4pm and was gently told that our baby had died at approximately 8 weeks, just the same stage as last time.

I'm still numb and in shock I think. We are being booked into the clinic next Tues if I don't miscarry naturally over the weekend. I am NOT keen on using Misoprostol (I've read such horror stories about the pain of the contractions and nausea, vomiting, diaroeha etc) or having a D&C (as Maori I want to take the baby & palcenta to bury it and they've told me it will likely be 'macerated tissue' which is just abhorrent to me - sorry for TMI).

So I have been to get some heavy duty herbs that bring on MC (and that I used last time to clear everything out), and have had full on accupuncture this morning - was very ouchy as she kept 'stimulating' the needles, and apologising. I'm really hoping that all works, I could feel slight cramps in my cervix area when I had the needles in, but I've had no blood yet. This is just an awful waiting game now.

I can't believe it's happening again, and on the exact same dates as in October. Just don't know what to do. As you probably remember, our donor lives in the Caribbean and we spent all of our money bringing him to NZ last time - so we are totally broke. So the thought that we have no other attempt anywhere in the foreseeable future just really compounds the awfulness of our situation.

This is probably a stupid question but can you get your donor to donate in the Carribean and put it on a plane on ice..or am I just being silly? It would probably cost as much anyway huh...

Oh Pepi-Babe, I am so so sorry to hear your news. You and your partner must be devastated. This weekend must have been so tough for you, but I really hope the herbs and acupuncture have worked so you don’t have to go through another procedure.

Your donor made some donations at the clinic as well, is that right? I know that is not a cheap option but must be a bit cheaper than bringing him over from the Caribbean? I know that’s not a great comfort if you can’t afford it now, but at least the sperm is there for when you can access it.

I hope that you and your partner are surrounded by all the aroha and support that you need right now. And I hope that the memory of your recent celebration of your love for each other will help to strengthen you in this painful time. I hope you have the time and space to do whatever you need to do to mark this loss and deal with your grief.

We’ll be thinking of you and sending love your way.

PS - So nutella - the same reason as above as to why we couldn't have it shipped from the Caribbean - plus there are no fertility clinics where they are from.

Oh that sucks, so sorry to hear that. Do you qualify to be funded at any stage. And if not, then maybe it is time the law changed....