same sex mummies to be

Hey Koromiko :)

We had our scan yesterday and saw a little heart beat. The little trooper is at the right size and date confirmed on 28th October. We were sooo excited especially because that morning I read so many sad stories of Pepi and 2 other girls miscarrying and I thought I had some spotting so cried all the way to FA...

Thanks goodness DW is so wonderful and knows just what to say! so so relieved and decided I love scans and blood tests as they at least put me at ease.

Just found our OB and first visit in 2 weeks.

How are you doing??

Pepi - thinking of you..

Hi everyone,
This is a bit of a cut and paste as I've been writing variations of the same stuff by email and facebook and text for days now!

I'm doing okay, the bleeding started on Monday and I had some pretty sore pain in the night Mon/Tues, then passed the baby at 6am on Tuesday. I'm still bleeding, but it was only heavy for the first half day. So I think I'm doing okay. I didn't use any pain relief, apart from a hot water bottle, but had started to learn some of the techniques for hypno birthing, so used the breathing exercises in the night and when I passed the baby, to calm down and not feel the pain too much.

I had ibuprofen here, but last time the baby passed with no warning and no pain till afterwards, so I kind of felt bad about that - like the I'd just let the baby slip away. So this time I didn't want to dull the experience with pain relief unless it got really bad. Maybe a bit mental, but I think it helped me to grieve better, to feel like it was some hard work to let go of the baby. And I feel pleased with my body for doing it naturally, at least it didn't let me down in that way. I don't know if you'll know what I mean, but that's how my mind is delaing with it so far.
I still feel really numb, whereas last time it was such a shock that I felt like the pregnancy and my dreams were just ripped away. I guess finding out the baby had died on Friday, then not actually passing till Tuesday gave me time to get my head around it more.

I'm normally a total waterworks, I cry at the drop of a hat, (especially when full of pregnancy hormones), but weirdly I've barely cried this time. I'm a bit scared maybe it will hit me in one minute and I'll be on the floor wailing...I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm not sleeping well though, haven't been to bed before 1.30am and last night it was 4am.

I had a lovely quote from my midwife who wrote: 'Your pain is the cracking of the seed that contains your larger self.'

Plus we've had huge support from our friends and family who are as shocked as us about this.

For me it's so important to try and have the baby with my wife's brother if we can, especially as I have been pregnant in that way twice. I think I'd feel different if we had just tried with him but I hadn't conceived 2 babies. But now I know what it feels like to carry children that are biologically linked to her. It's a spiritual thing for us rather than DNA and kind of hard to explain.

But if it wont work through finances, or lack of visa, or I miscarry again, then we will have to look at other options. For now we'll just focus on getting me healed and fertile again over the next few months, try and save some money and see how we go. He's said he'll come back as soon as we can bring him, so at least that is good to hear.

I'll keep checking in here as I'm excited to see how you girls go with your babies! Plus I'll want to keep you updated with our journey too.

xx

whoops! wrong thread I think!

Edited by little red hen

Hey Koromiko :)

The books sound interesting? Thanks :) We're having our 1st OB visit today and hoping for another peek at the little grape...very excited and a little nervous..

Told work a week ago which was a great relief as work was getting pretty scary and demanding - lots of drunken violent people (I'm a frontline cop). So I have another week to go then holidays and light duties - yay!

We started going to baby shops and looking around, but October seems so far away so not going too far with the shopping. You don't have much more to go - are you guys all ready with baby room, nappies etc?

Pepi - are you still around? How are you guys going?

I'm soooo tired after contact courses up at Massey last week and 3 days this week. So happy to be home now!

toes_crossed great that you're going to be off front line duties. Are you having extra holidays or just Easter?

Pepi-babe, I would love to keep in touch, I'll PM you. I think you're very brave, sharing your grief on facebook. I'm really in favour of people being open about painful experiences, if they can, it can make it so much easier for others going through the same thing, if people before them have talked about it. I've certainly found that with issues like being queer, and having a mental illness, so I can imagine it being the same with miscarriage. It's another thing that isn't always talked about openly, but is something that a lot of people have to cope with. Still it takes a lot of courage to be open.

Take care xx

Edited by koromiko

Wow girls, where'd you all go?! I reckon this thread needs bumped up so any new to ohbaby same-sex mumma's (or gay papa's) can see there's a few of us out there on ohbaby.

We are not yet back to TTC, but if you look in the Planning Pregnancy forums you can see my updates re my thyroid and possible cause of our MC's.

Hope you are all going well with mummy-hood and impending mummy-hood.

PB :-)

Hi other Mummies,

Finally found ya's.

My partner and I welcomed into the world our 1st child a beautiful wee girl, Hazel Grace born 6 August 2012 8lb 3oz 15 days past due date (eek)

After being on the wait list for nearly 2 years at Wellington fertility assoc I decided to start the search for a donor myself and we found the most amazing person. Donor will remain unknown and we have a contract that would be similar to that a clinic would use. Its worked out amazingly for us, we are so blessed.

Our daughter has changed our lives at 4 weeks old just can't imagine not having her. I think its fantastic that so many gay couples are having families I think its super exciting and we are just so pleased we went for it!

Nik & Chelle

Hi there...
I'm looking for a gay friendly midwife...
Any suggestions??

I'm in Auckland!

Hi Hey Nik & Chelle and brittneyb2109,

I haven't been on here much since our daughter arrived in July.
Nik and Chelle, do you know about the Pride and Joy playgroup in Wellington? Even if your baby is a bit young to be playing with others it is still a nice way to meet other families. It's on Tuesday afternoons at Newtown Kindergarten and they have events on Saturdays sometimes.

Brittney, these are the midwives I've heard recommended: Caroline Muir from Arrival Midwifery (clinic at Birthcare); Midwives 4 You (South Auckland); Papakura maternity clinic.

There is a Rainbow Families NZ facebook group which is a great way to share info.

I was wondering about starting a new topic on here for Rainbow Families so it might be a bit easier for others to find if they already have children or are dads or whatever. Not sure which forum to put it in though!

We are loving being mums. Our little one is very smiley now and loves burbling away to people - so cute. We have the other half of her genetic family here at the moment and we are still trying to work out the language around that relationship. "Donor" doesn't seem quite right now she is here and doesn't cover the fact that his family have a connection to her as well.

Hi Pepi-bebe and koromiko,

Thank you for replying to my message. I've been a bit flustered and frustrated, so I haven't been back on this message board. Too bad there aren't many more active same-sex mummies (or mummies to be) on this forum...

I live in the Mount Wellington area of Auckland. I've been using a community midwife I got allocated to from National Women's... I was just going to go with that, but my partner and I decided we still want to find our own independent midwife. They says it's never too late, apparently.

Still looking for a LGTB-friendly one. I got a list of midwives in the Mt Wellington region, but haven't started calling yet because I don't know what to say. I'm planning on delivering at Auckland Hospital, due to where myself and my partner's family will be most near during the time close to my due date.

So, just for some other "about me" stuffs...

I'm 24 weeks pregnant, due March 27th 2013. My partner and I have been together for just about 5.5 years now. Interestingly(and much to everyone's suprise) this pregancy was unplanned. Now, how do two lesbians get pregnant on accident? Well, we had a rough patch for a couple weeks, I went to America to visit family when we broke up, drunk and self-loathing, one night of trying to feel better about myself around an old ex-boyfriend who got made fun of for "turning me gay"... etc. You get the picture. Came back, partner and I realized we were silly, worked everything out, were honest about the whole situation... and then a few weeks later... bam, we found out I was pregnant.

Lucky for me, my partner has been baby hungry for the past 3 years and has just been waiting for me to be ready for us to consider starting a family.

Although it was maybe two years prior to what I was aiming for, I feel everything must happen for a reason and we are really happy and excited for this baby. Her family and all our friends in NZ are supporting us through this.

Sorry if that was too much... venting every once in a while feels good.

Thanks again