TTC after miscarriage/loss

Probably Monday? I at least have my own office so I won't have to be around people if I don't want (hermit)

Hey Sara. I went back to work after a week off due to a missed miscarriage and D&C (9 wks pregnant) in April - and it was pretty awkward for the first few days. I had told my boss I was pregnant when I was 6 weeks and I had asked my boss to let the team I work in (20+ ppl) know while I was away, so everyone in my immediate team knew. And only 1 person came up to me the day I got back after the week off and said she was sorry and that it had happened to her years ago. To be honest, I felt a bit like I had leprosy for the first week that I was back...people that usually come up to me just about every day for a casual chat were avoiding me completely. I assume it was because they just didn't know what to say and didn't know how I would react. Once they knew I wasn't going to break down in tears in front of them, they started talking to me again, but the subject of my miscarriage never came up. I recently had a chemical pregnancy too (just last week) and took 2 days off work as a result - and only told my boss. She's been relatively kind and understanding, but hasn't once asked me if I'm doing ok since either episode, which is a bit hurtful. Even if you're bound to reply that everything is fine (even when it isn't) it's nice to be at least asked. But then it's good not to have a fuss made either - I find that awkward as well. I think it just comes down to the fact that the loss of a pregnancy is not something that is openly talked about often and so people just don't know how to deal with it or what to say to someone it has happened to. Which I think is odd, because if a colleague suffers a bereavement of any other person close to them, it's polite and accepted that you offer condolences - so why not the same thing when someone loses a baby??

Its such a taboo topic isnt it- I was lucky I work with a small team of entirely women, they all kbew I was pregnant and when I lost bub two of them messaged me straight away and said they had late 1st tri losses and understood where I was at and offered their support which was so helpful. One even told me her whole mc story which made me feel less alone. A couple of others didnt say much at all but they are younger so i imagine a bit awkward for them..I also had a week off which helped but I was anxious about going back for sure. I just think about how I thought before I experienced it (and infertility) myself..and to be honest, I wouldnt have said much either- I just wouldnt have "got it" that its more than a foetus, no matter if its only 6 weeks, or 11, or 20..its your child and its hard no matter ehat. So when people are insensitive I just think "they just dont get it and neither did I and thats ok.." because unless you have been there, you just dont understand..                    but on a better topic, think im finally 2dpo! Lol.didnt ov till cd22 so not sure what chances I have..but at least im on the downhill now :) and ALL bases are covered on the off chance its a quality eggy...so for now theres hope- even if just a tiny bit..

I agree Soda, before it happened to me I really isn't get it and am horrified to think how I didn't truly understand when I found out two of my friends had miscarriages. Best of luck for this cycle!!!!
I hope no one minds me asking this here but id really appreciate the opinions of ladies who have been were i have... for ladies who have children already...did any of you fly long haul during pregnancy? We have a wedding in Europe in sept and I will - all going to plan - be 21 weeks pregnant but would really love to go (for two weeks) and to also see my partners family. I believe that medically there's no reason I shouldn't go (if all continues along well until then), but interested to hear from anyone who might've done it? x

Well just had another meltdown. sh*t this is a bad week for finding g out crap.
Just checked my roster for the next 3 months as we are expecting visitors. One of my female colleagues is listed as going on maternity leave starting September.

Ahh veggie thats tough. .I bumped into my neighbour who has a nicely growing bump. Super happy for her- its actually nice to know there are some good people out there who havent had issues conceiving! But I still think "that should be me too" at the same time.. but thats life huh. I flew at 26 weeks to rarotonga..check airline websites about their regulations..21 weeks will ne fine though, just take all the precautions- wear flight socks,drink lots of water, walk around regularly etc as higher risk of clots etc with higher blood volume but if you are sensible you'll be fine :)

Welcome JK87, sorry you have to be here but the ladies in this thread are all amazing support. Isn't it amazing some of the things people think are ok to say?! It just baffles me - can't believe your husbands aunt :(
I was very 'lucky' as my cycles went back fairly normal after one cycle after d&c but I've definitely heard that there can be a lot of changes after mc. Perhaps it will just take your body a couple more cycles to get back to your regular length? It's great that your dr is open to referring you so at least you have that option! Is there anything natural you can take to help regulate cycles? I know maca can help with fertility but not sure in terms of cycle length. Maybe a naturopath could help too? Big hugs xx

Hi ladies, just dropping in to say hi.
Sorry to see some new ladies have joined :(
Sara, all the best for heading back to work. I left my job after my loss at 19.5 weeks (I didn't enjoy it though, and my partner and I moved in with my parents so it was kind of good timing as we didn't have to rely on paying rent/mortgage/bills/etc on one wage, Plus I got the time I needed to deal with everything I'd been through without the added stress of a job I disliked).
So I never had to deal with peoples awkward pity faces at work. BUT I did get them a lot in other social situations :( I think the worst is when people just avoid you sand don't address what's happened... You don't want pity, but you don't want to be treated like a leper! It's a fine line really, and everyone reacts differently and some people you will just want to punch (sounds like you may have already have been tempted to punch a few, well maybe not quite punch... But scream and shout and speak your mind at, at the very least I'm sure!!) lots of love and hugs for tomorrow x
NZveg, sorry you have had some tough days lately :( I'm about to go stalk your chart... (Should have done that before I started this post, dam) big hugs hun x

I hope everyone is all rugged up for this cold snap - we had heat pumps put in about a month ago, phew!!

I survived my first 1/2day back and got my first real insensitive comment! My male friend asked if my partner smoked, I said yes (he was smoking little and close to quitting again before this, poor guy is well too stressed now) and he implied that his smoking was a reason for our loss ...   Urgh, no words!! He followed it up with the good ole 'ah well you can try again' gem too!!

Awww Sara. People say the worst things. There are those that get it (usually coz they've had a loss of some sort themselves) and those that don't. Those that don't often don't realise they fall into that category and try and give 'helpful' advice. I try and just let it go now. This is a revelation for me though after months of horrid comments. Usually I still have a cry first and then try and shrug it off.

Glad that the rest of the day went well.
I'm bak at work for first time in 3.5 weeks today. Have been on holiday so will be good to get back into it.

Spent a lovely day in the garden (north Australia is gorgeous this time of year) setting up sprinklers coz it doesn't rain for weeks at a time and I'm sick of hand watering twice a day!!!!
Also got some new chickens from a battery farm. They are so cute. Have no idea what they are in for, walking around outside getting all confused by the ground!!!

I'm feeling really focused these last few days. Life is more than TTC and miscarriages!!!! (Im sure il have more down moments but I shall enjoy feeling good for now!!!)