TTC after miscarriage/loss

Oh monkeys, I hope so badly that this works for you!

I'm in this category too, finally got UTD on my first cycle of clomid after 16 months of TTC but had a missed miscarriage - absolute hell but I'm sure I don't need to tell you ladies that.

Someone mentioned how little miscarriage is talked about and that's something I have definitely noticed - I've told all my closest friends (none of whom even knew I was pregnant) and after I did, it turned out two of them had had miscarriages in the last six months. One was my bestie, she hadn't told me as she knew I was TTC and she lives in the UK so it was easier for her to hide it from me). We now talk about our babies being together somewhere and when she's back over (she'll be here for my due date, hers was last week) we're going to do something to honour them. The other was my cousin's wife and she overheard my DH and my friend and worked it out, we had a big talk afterwards. The point of all this is that it is horrific how prevalent miscarriages are but how little they are talked about, at least among women our age. I'm not necessarily advocating telling parents etc (we haven't) but I think more awareness in women of our age is important so that there's a bit more support for people that do go through it and awareness that it can happen. That said, its not for everyone and I understand that.

Whew!

Gawd I hope we all get our sticky BFP's soon.

Hey ladies.

This was our first, and we were lucky enough to conceive in our 2nd month of trying and as some of you will know, I am currently going through a miscarriage. That's a very hard sentence to write. So much information about TTC and pregnancy, but so little about miscarriage! its funny, but you never think about the fact it lasts a week (if your lucky), you often think of miscarriage as happening in an instant, you wake up and your baby is gone, but its definitely not the case.

Along with the sorrow and pain, I have to admit to eating some humble pie. I am ashamed to admit that before getting pregnant I could never understand people getting so upset as loosing a baby so soon e.g. 6 weeks, and have voiced this opinion. What an naive and insensitive idiot I was! However now that I am going through it, I completely understand that it is something you cannot understand until you a) get pregnant, and b) go through a miscarriage.

I am amazed at how quickly you attach to the baby you are carrying, right from the day I got my BFP I was a mum, and now I feel like that has been ripped away from me. It doesn't matter that I never held my child, I have lost my first child, and it will always be my first.

I spent yesterday "sucking it up" and "punching through", I stayed at work, even though I was bleeding, because "It wasnt anything major". It wasnt until I was at work today and a friend who only just found out gave me some home truths, that I hadn't wanted to admit but already felt, that I was able to let go and start mourning our loss. These truths were that I was carrying a child, it wasnt just a bundle of cells, and that I shouldnt bottle it up, I should let it out. When I spend about an hour crying, and almost cried in front of a patient, I finally admitted to myself I need time to grieve. Fortunately I have an amazing boss who agreed and who basically sent me home.

I have now given myself permission to feel the loss, isnt it amazing that we need to give ourselves permission! everyone around me was telling me it was fine to grieve and cry, but I didnt want to!I felt like I had to be strong.

the reactions from people have been mixed, those who know. The two best reactions I had were: One lady just had a couple of tears with me, she did hug me, but not uncomfortably, and other than that didnt say much. That really got me.

The other was from a new friend who didnt find out till this morning, but has been an incredible rock for me. She said "why didnt you tell me" which from her was the best thing she could have said, and then just hugged me like my mum would. that was it, and that was exactly what I needed.

Im sorry if this went on a bit, I am a talker, and talk to get through things. DH has been amazing, just listening when I needed to talk and leaving me alone to figure it out. I know I will be fine, and that is empowering. I hope by this novel I havent bought up too many painful things for others. I think I am still in an element of shock. Thank you for being here and for listening.

I'm really sorry for your loss avidkeo. I know what you mean about information - I did a lot of googling etc as I really had no idea what was going on/what to expect. Please do ask questions if you want to.

Had a bit of a "moment" today - someone I work with is expecting a grandchild, which is due about the same time I would have been due, and she was in the office (which I share with my heavily pregnant workmate ... ) telling us all about the 20wk scan. Listening to her talk about it actually made me quite sad, as it made me think about the fact that I would have had that scan now too ... I had to leave the room (ended up in the bathroom with a few tears)! I've coped fine with all the comments my workmate gets about her bump etc, so I don't really know what set me off! Don't get me wrong - I'm happy for her about her grandchild, but I just couldn't keep listening.

I just have to remember that when the time is right, it'll happen.

ahhhh, trying to have a normal adult conversation with my sister in law - who granted only just now found out that we are miscarrying, but everything she talks about comes back to the loss!!!!!!!!! So I just said im all talked out about the loss and just want to talk normal stuff. wonder if she will take the hint!

I thought AF was here this morning, but I just got the results of my HCG from Monday... 14. Don't think it's really AF. I had a bout of major cramping this avo for 30 min. Almost took myself into the hospital as it felt like it did when I was having my medically managed mc - could barely stand or talk. But then it just stopped suddenly. Whew. Not a fun 30 minutes! I thought I'd be bleeding heavily but that stopped around the same time. Anybody have bleeding like this after (1-2wks) the mc bleeding stopped? I tried looking it up online but found I was just chasing my tail. Do you think it could be retained product or just my body going nuts?

Avid, everything you said I can relate to completely. And like Tan said, what you feel is totally normal.

When I fell pg in Dec '12 we actually were not even actively trying... We weren't actively preventing though either... It was my first month off the pill in 10 years! But the day I found out I was pg my world changed and from that moment on everything I did was with my babys best interest in mind! I was a mum instantly from day 1... Even in my shocked state!! Lol. I embraced it and was ready, was so happy... Then... To have it ripped away 19 weeks later...... Devastating!
It's been 2 months since my loss and I still have my 'moments'!

Whether you are a mum for a day, a week, a trimester or more... The feelings are the same... Empty, heartbroken, depressed, disappointed, angry (mainly angry at the world, for all the people who don't want their babies yet have a perfectly healthy baby/pregnancy, not that I'm anti abortion or anything) it's a roller coaster of emotion!

I don't think I've ever cried like I did when I experienced my loss... At least not since I was a child... (One of though 'real' cries where you don't hold back, a cry from the absolute pit of your stomach)
But I truly believe what americangirl said, the first days are the worst, I think back to those days for me, they were pretty dark ... It does get so much easier though... But, if you want to cry a year from now, let it out! And dont feel like you can't! I personally don't think I will ever "get over" my loss... But, what warms my heart is that I will get my BFP one day soon, like all of us here will, and when we meet our babies after those 9 months, we won't be able to fatham not having that exact baby in our life! And everything that happened will have happened so THAT baby could be bought into the world. Everything happens for a reason
I hope someone else can take some comfort in believing that too!
My mum miscarried right before getting pg with my sister, and I can't imagine anyone in my sisters place!

Morning everyone.
Physically feeling like crap, cramping and all that. Funny cause its not quite as bad as my normal period, but its lasting much longer. Other than that the bleeding seems to have slowed a bit. Im thinking I may be very very lucky and will have an "easy" one (haha easy, yeah right!)

emotionally, well I think im feeling a little numb. Im not sure how I am feeling really. A little weepy but not like yesterday. I am one of those hateful positive people who typically bounce back quickly, and even with all the sadness I am still seeing the funny side of things. e.g. my DH broke the news of the miscarriage to his sister by saying "we get to try again for a baby". naturally she was really confused until he confirmed we had lost it. I had to laugh a the fact he is just looking at we get to try again rather than we lost our first. I understand this is a male thing - my friend explained that to me yesterday - but I actually found that funny rather than sad!

DH reaction to it has been a bit like that. When we were trying, well I was trying, he was a little gun shy. At OV time he got performance anxiety and wasnt happy. I finally managed to get through to him that we are only actually fertile for a few days of the month, and he had finally decided to give things a proper go (BD at ov time) and like the next day I found out I was preg. At that moment he was so happy, and on reflection he admitted that now he knows he really does want the baby - I don't think he was so sure before. So in his eyes, yes its sad and I think he has some understanding what Im going through, He is just excited to have another chance and to try properly this time!!! Males!!!!

Crap I just typed a long post and then lost it. ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Anyway what I was saying was that your temps do look quite low RT so I'm glad your accu lady might be able to sort that for you. Mine are up around 36.1 - 36.4 before ov.

For those that are struggling with recent losses, I'm just so sorry you have to go through this and I hope you are doing ok today. Its a long hard road but know it does get better. Be kind to yourselves and take the time you need.

No luck for us last month, back to CD2 for me today. And like a complete knob I had convinced myself I was UTD. Had been feeling seedy for a few days and let myself get excited.....even though DH kept telling me not to. So of course when AF turned up right on schedule I felt really bummed. Never mind, will have a good crack this month and hopefully we have some luck

I heard one cup of coffee a day was ok, but not much more. I'd rather just keep clear of the wine. There's no doubt that alcohol will go through the baby's system as well, and as a chemistry teacher, I know that there's lots of things it can react with (meaning it can disrupt what's supposed to be going right!). Caffeine still goes through the baby, but I don't think it really disrupts the processes of development. I think too much of it cause the female's body to do funny things which can lead to miscarriage.

I've only just started keeping track of my temps (yes, very addicting) and mine have been within a range of 36.3 and 36.6 (once at 4am it was below 36 but that's not the normal time I take my temps). I'm not sure if I ovulated or not or what my pre-ov temp is so I can't help you much with that. I was just checked in Dec for a thyroid problem (under active) and one of the signs of that is a low body temp... and an under active thryroid DEFINITELY leads to issues in getting UTD. My doc talked to me about that when I was getting it checked out.

I hope I don't spot on and off for months!!! No more cramping like the fricken contractions from yesterday, but I'm still spotting a bit. AF or retained product????? The million dollar question of the day.

I have one coffee a day - I switched to hot chocs when I found out I was UTD last time but it's just not the same! I really should try & stop again so that I'm not having caffeine when TTC again. I would be curious to know if decaff would be ok.

Americangirl - it might be worth seeing a dr to make sure everything is ok (I only had constant bleeding so can't really compare). My dr gave me a referral for a scan to check that I didn't have retained product, though I waited for a bit before booking. I wish I had known that if you don't have the scan within 2wks of the mc, it costs $245! That's what they quoted me anyway - I would have looked at doing it earlier then!

Avid - i hope you're feeling ok. You mentioned about your bleeding being like a period? I had that too to start with (& thought it was just like a normal period so easier than I was expecting!). If you have any questions on what to expect to happen as part of the mc, let me know. I didn't know what to expect at the time, and wish i had been given information so i could be "prepared". Though i know not all miscarriages would be the same.