Balance

What do you guys think about the balance between comforting your child when they are hurt and not creating 'cry babies'?

I've been thinking about this a fair bit lately- one thing I have noticed over here in the area we live the vast majority of children are very 'soft' compared to NZ kids (gross generalisation but just what I've found in most cases). I have noticed a few times Charlotte has gone OTT when shes fallen over, or very slightly hurt herself and even though I am quick to comfort her I am also wanting her to toughen up a bit now as I don't want her to start to think that its normal.

I also remember being told a story about one of SILs kids when she was staying with the inlaws. She fell down the stairs and had quite obviously hurt herself and stood their rubbing her elbow, close to tears, but 'sucking it in' and chanting to herself "I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry". The inlaws were telling it like they thought it was a good thing- they had a good old laugh about it, but I just thought it was really sad    She was only 3 and was in obvious pain but she didn't feel she could cry because she had had it so pummelled into her to be tough.

So anyway, I'm finding it a bit tricky to get that balance by being her soft place to land- being there for her if shes hurt or upset but also not wanting her to be a sook

diane levy has a great thing about this that we use with our boys. basically when our kids hurt themselves we don't go to them,, but say "do you need a hug?" sometimes they will cry over nothing and come for a hu,. but most of the time they will say "no, I'm okay" and run off. i love the idea of being there if i'm needed, but letting the boys decide if they need me or not.

We generally wait to see how she reacts before we do anything.  Generally she'll pick herself up and brush herself off, sometimes she'll come over to grab a hug before running back to play.  When she does cry we know it's serious and will comfort her.

I'm in the wait and see corner. If one of them falls I just stop what I'm doing and see how they react to what's happened... normally if there are tears they get a hug and then it's back to business.

Just thinking about this, it's amazing how babies have such different temperaments. There's this baby is our coffee group who cries if a camera flashes or when Harry squeals... must be hard to deal with!! But then I don't know if it's just cos he hasn't been exposed to that thing very much (from day one Harry has been exposed to noise, cameras flashing etc) or if it's just his temperament. Or a combination of the 2.

Hehe I like that one Tishy!

Jack's only little obviously, but from day one we did the big smile with 'woops, that was a bit silly' and then if he doesn't scream 'you're OK' and give him a tickle. We were told to do that at AN classes when you dunk baby in the bath (come on everyone does it) and not once has Jack cried.

Funny you say about a touchy baby Arohanui, Jack has been exposed to noise, people, cameras everything from day one but for some reason he's a bit 'precious' when it comes to other kids crying and goes it in sympathy every time What a sook! Otherwise he's OK, he bumps his head all the time and people ask if they should pick him up. I'm like nup if he's hurt, he'll cry, if he's not, he'll learn to move around the obstacle.

I too love the "do you need a hug" scenario ... Im definately going to try that when Issy is older.

At the moment if she bumps her head or something I tend to watch her for a reaction first ... a cry gets a big hug and a rub .. an "ouch" gets an ooopsy daisy and a smile to cheer her up.

Jennz i'm 35 and I still get upset when I have a fall, I think its a normal reaction.

You guys are too soft , i point at her and laugh



Kidding , kidding , i wait to see her reaction , and then i ask if she wants a hug from mummy

caitlynsmygirl wrote: You guys are too soft , i point at her and laugh Kidding , kidding , i wait to see her reaction , and then i ask if she wants a hug from mummy

 

What do you mean kidding?  IMO sometimes it's impossible not to laugh and/or say "I told you so".  It's a great parenting technique, we're teaching our kids not to take themselves too seriously.